Bringing Up Baby
by Erotillectual
Summary: NO BABY, just newborn Bella dealing with the highs and lows of being a vampire and the youngest member of the Cullen family, with the help of her new siblings. And unlike in the books, she doesn't have an easy time of it. (AU, canon couples. Part of the "Captive" verse, but totally stands alone.)
1. Bella: Jasper

This is the sequel to _Captive_. However, I know of at least one person who is reading this who hasn't read Captive and they have no problems following the story. It would probably help, but it appears that it isn't strictly necessary (ETA: whenever I refer to _Captive_ in this story, which is rare, I post an explanation. So yeah, no need to read that story at all). Each individual chapter can stand alone, so there will never be any cliffhangers.

To give you an idea of what I am attempting with this story, here is an excerpt from my author interview on The Lazy Yet Discerning Ficster:

One of the things I want to do with BuB is delve more deeply into the characters of the other family members. I wasn't able to fully use all the Cullens and Hales in Captive, and in the sequel I'd like to shine the spotlight on all of them. I am doing this by dedicating a pair of chapters to each of them in turn. Though it will be a Bella-centric story revolving around her struggles with adapting to being a vampire, and will be told mainly through her point of view, I want to explore the other family members individually, in relation to Bella and each other, and maybe give them hopes, fears, hobbies and pasts beyond the ones outlined in the books. What better way than having them heavily involved in Bella's "upbringing"? Giving them each their own chapters will force me to develop them all more or less equally.

**Warning**: There will be the occasional lemon, though nothing too explicit, and some minor language. Bella, because she is not little miss perfect super-vampire in this story like she was in BD, is out of character. I suppose you could say that of the other characters too at times, given that this is not a YA story.

**Disclaimer: **I neither own, nor did I create the characters and concepts of the _Twilight _Saga. They are the sole creation and property of Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

**Bringing up Baby**

* * *

**Bella**:

_It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..._blah, blah, blah.

I felt a surge of annoyance, and not just because Dickens was a morose, depressing whiner whose books irritated the hell out of me. It was mostly because everything I came across these days reminded me that my life was schizophrenic. I was struggling daily in my new existence, and yet I was happier than I had ever been before. My emotions were heightened, fluctuating wildly between outright euphoria and profound sadness, sometimes for no apparent reason, which made the good times wonderful and the bad times pretty desperate. I could go from enjoying my new life to the fullest, to the depths of despair, throwing a temper tantrum in there for good measure, all in a matter of minutes. And I couldn't seem to control any of it.

It was confusing and annoying, and I couldn't even open a book without being reminded. My irritation spiked, and I threw the offending tome against the wall.

"Hey!"

I jumped, startled, and turned toward Jasper, who was sitting at his desk glaring at me.

"If you want to throw books go to your room and throw your own," he snapped. "Now pick it up."

I hid my embarrassment at my childish outburst by glaring back at him defiantly, not moving.

"_Bella_…" The warning in his voice was unmistakable.

I had become quite adept at recognizing the limits of Jasper's patience by the tone of his voice. I could tell he had just reached those limits, and he'd reached them far quicker than he usually did where I was concerned. He must be in a bad mood. Deciding that now might not be the best time to test them or him, I stood and walked over to the far wall, bending to pick up his book. I was getting better at controlling my strength, so fortunately it was mostly undamaged. One of the corners was slightly dented, but I managed to carefully squeeze it back into shape. Smoothing my hand over the cover, I opened it to the copyright page. It wasn't a first edition, but it was close. It was probably valuable, it didn't belong to me, and I had almost damaged it in a fit of pique. Feeling slightly ashamed, I turned, only to find Jasper observing me intently.

"Drop your shield, Bella," he ordered softly.

Shame was obliterated by outrage. "What?" I yelled, coming perillously close to actually stamping my foot. "Why? All I did was throw a book!"

"You know exactly why," he said in a tone that brooked no argument. "Now drop it."

Yes, I knew why, dammit. I remembered. How could I ever forget? They would never let me. _I_ would never let me, not that I could even if I tried. I battled a roiling surge of anger, trying valiantly to smother it. If I dropped my shield now, Jasper would find exactly what he was looking for; he would find exactly what _hadn't even been_ _there_ until he made his unreasonable request. Until he'd ordered me to submit to his invasive _probing_, I had been doing fine. A little testier than usual, but I was _fine_. Now, however…I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, and fought harder.

"Isabella. Do it. _Now_." His voice turned sharp.

I flinched and opened my eyes. Jasper was standing now, his eyes burning into mine. If I didn't let him in immediately, he'd come over here and make me, and then he'd find out that I was rapidly losing control of my temper. Then he would forcibly calm me down, like I was some hysterical head-case in need of sedation. When the others got home, I'd get a lecture from Carlisle while the rest of the family gathered around the living room to dissect Bella's latest hissy-fit.

I wasn't in the mood for all that. I was tired of this incessant prying into my mental and emotional state. I couldn't let Jasper touch me until I had a handle on my rage.

So, stupidly, I bolted.

He must have seen me tense in preparation, because I never made it further than the hallway before he tackled me face down to the ground. Before I could blink, he had straddled my hips, bent my arms behind my back and had secured them by pinning my wrists together between my shoulder blades. They were bent and stretched to the limit of my vampire physiology, and as a result I could not contract my muscles enough to exert sufficient strength to free myself. My 'babysitter' certainly knew what he was doing. Without leverage, and faced with Jasper's decades of experience, my newborn strength was useless. That didn't stop me from struggling with every ounce of strength I had, though.

"Jesus…" he muttered, as my emotions battered at him. I barely had time to shriek before my anger dissipated, leaving behind an all-enveloping calm. The fight drained out of me, and I went limp.

"You can let me up now," I mumbled into the carpet, a bit sarcastically. "I'm _all_ better."

He loosened his grip on me slightly. "Your shield had better be down when I let go of you," he warned me, "and you are leaving it down until Carlisle tells you otherwise. Clear?"

I said nothing, waiting for him to let me up.

"Answer me," he ground out, tightening his grip again.

"Yes. Clear," I replied quietly.

He got off me, wisely refraining from helping me up, despite the dictates of his upbringing. I hopped agilely to my feet, and busied myself with straightening my clothes as he watched me intently.

"Why did you run?" he finally asked.

"Because I was fine," I muttered, refusing to meet his eyes.

He sighed. "Bella. Look at me."

Reluctantly, I did.

"I thought you understood that it wasn't your determination to make."

I shrugged, deliberately looking down so my hair fell into my face, shielding me from his scrutiny.

"Dammit, Bella," he snapped, "look at me when I am talking to you, and get your hair out of your face."

My head whipped up and I swiped my hair out of the way. "Jesus, Major Whitlock, relax," I sniped. "You're not in the army anymore. What crawled up your ass and died, anyway?"

His frown deepened and squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose, a gesture I seemed to inspire in quite a few people these days. I wondered if I had pushed him too far. If he noticed my brief twinge of fear, he didn't show it.

"I can't talk to you when you are like this," he said curtly. "Just go to your room, and stay there until Carlisle gets home."

"Seriously, Jasper?" I goaded him. "You're sending me to my _room_?" Hilarious.

"Bella," he said wearily, "I don't care where you go, as long as you stay within the walls of this house. So pick a room – or a closet, if that's what you want - get your ass in it before I do it for you, and stay there until Carlisle comes to you. I don't want to see you, hear you, or talk to you until then. And keep your shield _down_."

We faced off for a moment, glaring at each other. Jasper took a step closer to me, his height making it necessary for me to crane my neck back. It's a little hard to glare effectively at someone when they are towering over you, so I capitulated first. That's my excuse, anyway.

Heaving an exaggerated sigh, I spun on my heels and went to my room.

* * *

Closing the door with a little more force than I had intended, I fished my laptop out from beneath the day bed and powered it up. I sat down cross-legged on the mattress and checked my email, finding a new one from Angela. I dashed off a quick reply to her and then settled down to compose a message to Charlie and Renee. That took a little more concentration, as there where things I needed to conceal, such as anything that would clue them in to our exact location. Once I was sure I had been vague yet chatty enough to satisfy their need for information, I hit send, switched off my computer, and set it on the table next to the daybed.

I lay back and stretched out, my hands resting on my stomach, and looked at the textured ceiling, seeking out the familiar shapes that I had picked out over many hours of lying here with nothing better to do. I located the rearing horse straight above me, the woman's three-quarter profile by the wall and the wolf's head by the door before allowing myself to be distracted by the sounds the almost empty house made. I still marveled at how much more my vampire hearing could pick up. The house was alive with sounds as it and its contents shifted and settled; the hissing and groaning of the pipes, the creaks and pops as the furniture and floors shifted and settled, and beyond all those layers of sound, the crackling of the fire in Jasper's study, and the muted clicking of the keyboard as his fingers moved across keys, interrupted occasionally by the whisper of turned pages, and the soft scratching of pencil on paper. As I listened to the comforting sounds of his presence, I felt myself relaxing even more, and I was pretty sure it was without his interference.

I sighed, already beginning to regret my loss of control. Why didn't I just drop my shield when he told me to? I'd probably still be curled up in an armchair in his study, keeping him company while he worked, instead of bored in my room waiting to get bitched out by Carlisle.

Well, I had no one to blame but myself. I had agreed to these restrictions, after all. Not that I really had a choice; they would have been imposed upon me regardless. Nevertheless, I had acknowledged their necessity, and therefore had agreed to them.

If only I hadn't gone off on my own. If I hadn't gone out on my own, I wouldn't be in this position.

That was my first mistake.

* * *

It happened while we were still in New Mexico. I had been upstairs in the bedroom packing away the clothes I wouldn't need in the near future, when I felt that strange sensation that I had begun to associate with my shield dropping into place. Back then, I was still unable to make it happen at will. It seemed to occur randomly, apparently with no rhyme or reason. I paused in my task, an idea occurring to me, and on a whim, I decided to see if my shield would enable me to sneak out of the house for a short while.

I had been a vampire for just over a week, and was already chafing from the restrictions imposed upon me. Well, one of them, anyway: I couldn't stand the fact that I wasn't allowed to go out of the house on my own. I understood the reasoning; I understood that it was a safety precaution. I just didn't understand why I couldn't go out for a solitary walk once in a while, just in the vicinity of the house, especially considering the fact that we were in the middle of nowhere, with not a human soul for miles. The more I thought about it, the more unreasonable this restriction seemed, and when I felt my shield closing around me, I decided that surely going just a short distance alone, say to the hot spring, wouldn't be such a big deal. The spring was so close it could practically be considered part of the house anyway.

In any case, that's what I told myself as I balanced myself briefly on the edge of the open window and soundlessly dropped to the ground below, landing lightly on my feet. Casting out my senses, I checked the surrounding area for sounds of human life. I knew I wouldn't find any, but I was striving to act responsibly nonetheless. Satisfied that there was no one within the considerable range of my senses, I silently melted into the trees and made my way to the spring.

Shedding my clothes quickly, I slipped into the water and sank below the surface, releasing all the air in my lungs to reduce my buoyancy. The sounds around me became muted, and it was almost like hearing with mortal ears again, as close as I'd ever get, anyway. It was peaceful and quiet, at least for a vampire. Looking up through the shivering surface above me, I watched the fractured images of the outside world ripple along with the moving water. I let my mind drift, thinking of nothing in particular and enjoying my brief moment of silence and solitude.

All too soon, I decided it was time to go back. I was hoping my disappearance would go unnoticed, and the longer I stayed, the more likely it was someone would find me missing. Hopping out of the pool, I pulled my clothes over my wet body and started for home.

In retrospect, I know I'd heard the truck; it was just so lost in a sea of other sounds that I didn't notice it until I was within sight of the house, and saw Howard getting out of it.

Fortunately for a great many people, not the least of which was Howard, the wind was at my back. I stopped breathing immediately. Though I didn't need to unless I was speaking, breathing was still something I did more or less without thinking, though I was starting to do it less and less as my body began realizing I didn't need it. I imagined that in time, the habit could fade completely unless I worked to maintain it for appearances.

I froze, watching as Howard walked over to the front door and knocked. A moment later, Jasper had opened it, careful to keep his face and arms out of the sunlight, and stood aside to let Howard in. As he was shutting the door, his eyes caught mine, and widened in shock.

He turned, speaking to whoever was in the room with Howard. "Please excuse me. I think I see Bella outside." With those few words he had alerted the entire household to the fact that I wasn't where I was supposed to be, without appearing suspicious to the human.

Within seconds, Edward and Emmett came boiling out of the house from two separate upstairs windows, dropping lightly from terrace to terrace until they landed on the ground. They split up, fanning out, while Jasper quickly shut the door and started toward me.

I stared at them, startled. They did not look like the brothers and lover that I had come to know and adore. All three wore identical, predatory expressions on their faces, their eyes hard as the gemstones they resembled. I also recognized the way they were moving; they looked like they were hunting me, and I had no idea why. I hadn't caught a whiff of Howard, and I was in complete control of myself. I opened my mouth to tell them that, to reassure them.

That was my second mistake.

In order to speak, I had to draw breath. Just to be on the safe side, I inhaled through my mouth only, to avoid any residual scent in the air. The breeze chose that moment to shift, bringing with it a faint hint of the most delicious, irresistible…_taste_…I had ever encountered in my life. My mouth flooded with venom, and I started trembling with the effort to resist blindly following the source of that luscious flavor, which I knew to be Howard. Jasper tensed, and dropped into a slight crouch. Edward and Emmett, now about twelve feet to either side of me, followed suit.

I heard a snarl building, and wondered which of them was making the sound. When I became aware of the vibrations in my chest, I realized it was me. That is when I understood their stance in a half circle around me. They weren't hunting me; they had positioned themselves to cut off my path to the house and Howard's juicy jugular.

Jasper lunged first, his experience with a wide variety of newborns apparently leading him to see something in my stance that Emmett and Edward couldn't recognize. What happened next was a blur of growls, snarls, and rough hands. I felt myself bodily lifted off the ground, a hand clamped over my mouth, my legs trapped around the knees by someone's arms, and then the rush of wind as I was carried away from the house and the unsuspecting human within. It did not take long for my thrashing around to become too much for them to manage, and I was slammed to the ground on my back and pinned. The blood lust bled away as suddenly as it had come over me, and the tension melted out of my body. I blinked, looking up at the sky, and three faces wearing varying expressions of anger, concern, and in Emmett's case, a hint of amusement as well. The whole incident had taken place in a matter of seconds.

"Thanks, Jasper. I'm ok now," I quavered, pushing myself up into a sitting position. "What took you so long, anyway?"

"I kinda had my hands full," he quipped. "It takes a little concentration to project emotions. It takes a whole lot more when you add in the distraction of wrestling a hellcat like you."

I leaped nimbly to my feet. "Oh, that's really funny, Jazz," I deadpanned, dusting myself off.

A slightly uncomfortable silence fell. Jasper was smiling slightly, but keeping a careful eye on me, and Emmett was highly entertained now that the danger was past. Edward, however, looked like he might explode at any moment. His fists were balled at his sides, and his jaw was so tight I could hear his teeth grinding. Nobody mentioned the 800 pound gorilla standing in the clearing with us.

I decided to be the first, and broke the silence. "So…is that what it feels like all the time?" I said casually, referring to the blood-lust that I had experienced.

Hearing me refer to my little brush with disaster in such a nonchalant manner finally pushed Edward over the edge. "Jesus, Bella!" he shouted. "What the hell were you thinking? When…how long…You could have killed him!"

"I wasn't going to, Edward," I said calmly. "I wasn't breathing, so I didn't smell him. I was waiting for him to go into the house, and I would have gotten back into the bedroom the same way I left it. I would not have drawn breath until he'd left. If Jasper hadn't seen me, I would have gotten back into the house…"

"Surely you are not blaming Jasper," he interrupted me.

"No! No, of course not! It's just that you were all acting so strangely. When I inhaled to speak, I…" I faltered. "I didn't realize…"

Jasper finally spoke. "No, you didn't realize," he said sternly. "You didn't know any better. That's the point. You have no frame of reference for all this, how could you realize? Bella, that's why there are rules; they are in place to guide you and to prevent this kind of thing from happening."

I had nothing to say to that. As I looked into three pairs of serious eyes, I was struck with how badly things could have turned out. Because of my inexperience, I had failed to take the unexpected into consideration, and it could have cost the life of an innocent man. I made a last ditch effort at defending myself.

"Didn't you sense that I was fine? Before I inhaled, I mean," I asked, turning to Jasper.

"I didn't sense anything," he said, his tone flat. "Your shield was up."

"Oh." That's right. My shield going up was the reason I had decided to skip out in the first place. I still couldn't control when it came up or down, and though I had learned to recognize what it felt like, I still had no idea how to control the process.

"Let's get you back home," Jasper said tersely, motioning for me to start walking.

Edward jogged on ahead to make sure that Howard had left and the coast was clear, while Emmett and Jasper marched me home in silence, flanking me like I was an escaped prisoner, leaving me to stew in apprehension.

As I walked, I considered my reaction to Howard's proximity. It was frightening how quickly I had gone from civilized human being to crazed fiend, all because of the scent…taste…of human blood in the air. How on earth had _that_ happened anyway? _Taste_? I had breathed in through my mouth, not my nose. How was that possible? Not that it mattered right now, I had far greater worries, but still; I was curious.

I was so lost in my somber musings that I stumbled slightly. My new and improved reflexes enabled me to catch myself quickly, but not before Emmett had fastened his hand around my upper arm, steadying me. "It's comforting to see that some things haven't changed," he joked, attempting to lighten the atmosphere.

Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect on me.

Emmett was right. Though I was far less clumsy than I had been as a human, I was still clumsy. I had expected that becoming a vampire would have magically cleared up that particular failing, only to realize that even vampires had to actually watch where they were going, or risk stumbling. It was nothing compared to the other challenges facing me, but for some reason, this minor moment of clumsiness was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was suddenly filled with a deep despondency and an unshakable certainty that I would _never_ learn to resist the lure of human blood. I had lost control so quickly, I had barely been aware of it, and by the time I was aware, I was so deep in the grip of blood lust I couldn't even begin to _think_ about controlling myself. It never even crossed my mind to try.

Worst of all, I hadn't wanted to.

I spiraled quickly into despair, my overactive mind painting the bleakest picture of my future that it possibly could. I would never be able to lead a normal life like the rest of my family. I saw the decades stretching out ahead of me, decades spent in isolation, far from humanity, with only Edward to keep me company. The others would surely tire of the solitude eventually and move on to rebuild lives for themselves among humans. I would never be able to see Renee and Charlie again. Visions of a solitary life tumbled around inside my head, and there were no tears to relieve the burning itch in my eyes. Even that small comfort had been taken from me. I never thought I would miss something so insignificant as the wetness of tears.

One minute I was walking along between Emmett and Jasper, and the next, I was crying into the front of Jasper's shirt, clutching at him as if my life depended on it, while he held me, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down my back and folding a blanket of calm around me. Emmett stood behind me, strong and comforting hands resting on my shoulders. Neither of them spoke, taking their cues from me and waiting in sympathetic silence for me to pull myself together.

It took a moment, but I finally did, stepping out of Jasper's embrace and glancing up at him sheepishly.

"Mind telling us what that was all about?" he asked, smiling down at me tenderly, his hands resting lightly on my shoulders. "You felt so hopelessly sad there for a moment."

"That sounds about right. But it's nothing, really. I just let my imagination get away from me for a moment." I continued walking, but got no more than two steps away before Emmett stopped me.

"Bella," he said softly, turning me back around. "Talk to us."

I avoided their eyes, looking everywhere but at their faces. "It's silly," I muttered, trying to shake his hand off.

He didn't let go. "We've both been where you are, kid. We can guarantee you that it isn't silly."

I waited silently, but neither of them would let the matter drop, so I rolled my eyes and started talking. "Rationally, I know that things will get better, that I won't always be like this; but here," – I placed my hand over my heart – "I feel like I will never…" I stopped, afraid my voice would crack.

"You feel like you will never learn to control yourself around humans," Emmett finished for me.

I nodded. He slung his arm around my shoulders, and we started walking again. "You need to keep listening to your head in this case, Bells. You know you will learn this, same as you learned everything else. You learned how to walk, to talk, to read…you'll learn how to control the blood lust. I'm not saying it will be easy, but I promise you this: you'll learn."

I wanted to argue, and then I realized that, no, actually I didn't want to argue. I wanted to stop being so damn cerebral about everything, and just trust that the people who had been there before me knew what they were talking about. I ignored the little voice that kept telling me that this was_ me_ we were talking about; very little about my transformation had gone the way it was supposed to, why not this as well?

When we got home, Howard's truck was gone, and Esme was standing motionless in the doorway, watching for us. "Bella!" she cried, flying over to us and embracing me. "How could you worry us like that?"

Over her shoulder, I saw Alice eyeing me reproachfully, and I started to feel really bad again. "Inside," Esme said sharply, steering me toward the door. Rosalie looked up from her book as I walked in, giving me a scathing look and sending my spirits plummeting even further. As for Carlisle, I knew he was in the room, but I couldn't meet his eyes at all. It had only been a week, and I had already managed to seriously screw up.

"Jasper, walk with me?" I heard him say quietly. Jasper didn't reply, but they left together, disappearing out of hearing range without having said a word.

The wait for their return was extremely uncomfortable. Everyone went back to their various tasks except me. Alice occupied herself on the internet, Emmett went to play a video game, and Rosalie left to give the Jeep and the motorcycle a tune-up, throwing me one last disapproving look. I just waited, huddled in the circle of Edward's arms, unable to concentrate on anything but my upcoming encounter with Carlisle.

They returned fifteen minutes later. "Please join me in the library, Bella," he asked me, his expression unreadable.

Edward gave me a quick hug. "Whatever you do, don't sit down until he invites you to," he whispered. I nodded, frightened, and followed Carlisle into the library, closing the door behind me carefully.

He was already seated when I walked into the room. "Sit down, please." He indicated the chair opposite him and I sat, looking at my hands resting motionless on my thighs.

"Why don't you tell me what happened?" he suggested calmly. I looked at him in surprise, searching for any anger in his face. I saw none.

"Didn't Edward and Jasper already fill you in?"

He nodded. "They did, but I'd like to hear your account of what happened."

I took a deep breath and told him everything, including the misunderstanding about my shield being up and the part about inhaling through my mouth because I thought that would be safe. Carlisle listened patiently, his attentive expression never changing. When I was finished, he surprised me with an impromptu vampire biology lesson.

"You'll need a small mirror to see them, but in your gums, right behind your canines, are two small holes, like tear-ducts. We don't just smell scents; we taste them too, presumably through those ducts. Any emotion that produces a chemical reaction in the body is perceptible to us. Eventually, you will learn to differentiate them, and recognize how each of them affects the overall appeal of every human's particular scent.

"But I digress. The point is, though your instinct to stop breathing was correct, you didn't realize that not breathing through your nose wouldn't be enough. You would pick up on his scent just as effectively as if you had breathed through your nose."

I stifled my annoyance. That was information I could have used sooner. "Why didn't someone warn me about that?" I asked, a little defensively.

Carlisle surprised me by smiling. "Bella…did your mother sit you down one day and tell you everything there is to know about being a human girl?"

"No, of course not, but…"

"Then why do you think I can just tell you everything about being a newborn vampire in one sitting?"

I remained silent. Again, I had no answers, because of course he was right.

"We will all be there to guide you, but there are some things that you can only learn by experiencing them yourself. That is just the way life is. It is my job to ensure that you don't experience them before you are ready. It is your job to trust me to know when that is, and do as I tell you. I have raised enough newborns to know what I am doing, and I am more than up to the task. Remember, Bella, we talked about all this and you agreed to it.

"I have spoken to Jasper and we have agreed that from now on, he will keep an eye on you, particularly on your emotions. If your shield is up, and he feels he needs to assess your emotional state, you will let him in. You'll soon learn to raise and drop your shield at will, and once that happens, if Jasper asks you to lower your shield, you will do it. You will also let him influence your emotions if he thinks it is necessary. He has had a great deal of experience with newborns, and he knows how to read them, and he can diffuse any situation before it gets out of control. Do you trust him with this task?"

"I…of course I trust him," I said reluctantly, knowing that in acknowledging that I trusted Jasper, I was basically agreeing to this invasion of my privacy. I was not happy about this plan of Carlisle's. Still convinced that I could handle myself, I thought it was over-cautious and unnecessary. I was also not enamored of the idea of having my emotions tampered with against my will, but, as I had just admitted, I did trust Jasper. He wouldn't interfere unless strictly necessary. And I had to confess that despite the fact that I thought I didn't need that kind of help, the events of today had shown me how unprepared I was. I would rather suffer the indignity of having my private emotional battles witnessed by Jasper than kill someone because I was careless.

"Then you agree to this?"

It was nice of Carlisle to pretend he was giving me a choice, but I was pretty sure that if I refused, I would find I didn't actually have one. I had already decided to agree though, for the sake of any humans I may someday encounter, so I nodded. "I agree."

Carlisle observed me appraisingly for a moment. "How hard was it for you?" he asked me, changing the subject.

I seriously thought about lying. I was afraid that if I admitted to how out of control I felt, Carlisle would come up with even more restrictions to heap on me. Something in his eyes, in the way he was looking at me, made it impossible though. I wasn't the best liar yet, and I didn't think I could pull it off, but more importantly, this was probably something I should be completely honest about. It did, after all, involve a human life.

"It was incredibly difficult," I admitted. "I couldn't have controlled it by myself."

He nodded sagely. "Bella…you inhaled only trace amounts. According to Jasper, probably only a thousandth of what you would have been hit with if the wind had shifted while he had gotten out of the vehicle and you had been breathing." He let this little tit-bit sink in before continuing. "He would have been dead before you even realized what you were doing."

I was speechless with shock. That thick, aromatic, achingly irresistible, almost physically tangible scent had only been at _a thousandth_ of its full potential?

I must have been wearing my emotions on my face because he came over and squatted next to my chair, reaching for my hands. "You _will_ learn, Bella. I promise you that. It will get easier for you." He stood, pulling me up and into a hug. I slipped my arms around him and pressed my cheek into his chest, taking comfort from his strong, reassuring presence. We stood silently for a moment and then he pulled away from me. Holding on to my shoulders he ducked down a little to catch my eyes.

"Ok?" he said.

I nodded sadly. "Ok. I'm ok."

He smiled. "Off you go then."

Stunned that I had gotten off so easily, I left the room quickly, before he could change his mind.

* * *

Shaking off those thoughts of my early days as a vampire, I got off the bed and went to the window, sitting on the window seat with one leg folded beneath me. They sky was low and uniformly grey, and it was snowing again, thick flakes slowly drifting down, obliterating all evidence of yesterday's family 'guys vs. girls' snowball fight. I slid open the window, and stuck my head out, resting my arms on the sill. I felt the icy blast of air rush in, but it caused me no discomfort. It simply was, and I simply perceived it, no longer bound by my human reactions to it.

Had I been human still, I would have been enveloped in near complete silence. But even though the snow still muffled the surrounding sounds to an extent, the snowfall itself was incredibly noisy, a cross between a constant hiss and fizz, almost like static. I listened to the snow already on the ground creak as it settled. Lost in my thoughts, it took me a moment to register that the others were returning, and Jasper was heading down to meet them. Closing the window, I drifted back to the daybed to eavesdrop and await my doom.

"Where's the baby?" I heard Emmett ask, as they trooped into the kitchen through the back door.

"Up in her room, sulking," Jasper replied.

"Why is she sulking? What happened?" Edward interjected immediately, sounding concerned.

"She and I had ourselves a little set-to. She refused to drop her shield, and I had to get physical."

"Do you have any idea what set her off?" That was Carlisle, sounding more interested in the answer than I would have liked. I guess there was no hope he'd let this one slide.

"I'm not sure. She was reading a book, and then she just threw it at the wall." His voice dropped below audible levels then. Bastard. I didn't even try to control my annoyance, wanting him to feel it.

I heard nothing from downstairs for the next few minutes, and then suddenly they all started going about their business again, obviously done discussing me for now. Next came the unmistakable sound of someone – Carlisle, I'm sure – coming up the stairs, clearly heading for me.

There was a soft knock on the door, and I turned over onto my side, facing the wall. "Come in," I muttered unwillingly. The door opened and closed, and then I heard nothing until the mattress sank behind me, indicating that someone had seated themselves on the edge of the bed. It still surprised me how easy it was to recognize the members of my family by their scent. Carlisle smelled of leather, wood-smoke and books, with that underlying scent that was specific to him, the scent of the outdoors after rain. It was a comforting smell, one I associated with home, love and safety.

"Bella, turn around please. I don't want to talk to your back." His tone was firm but gentle.

I rolled over so I was facing him, delaying eye contact as long as possible by pulling an extra pillow under my shoulders and fussing with it. I finally looked at him, expecting to see his scary face, and I was surprised to see him looking understanding instead.

He came straight to the point. "Why did you disobey Jasper?"

I winced. "Could we please not use that word?"

"Which word would you be referring to?"

"'Disobey'. I don't like it."

He raised his eyebrows. "What is wrong with it?"

"It's…it gets my back up. It makes me feel uncomfortable. It's annoying."

Carlisle's lips twitched. "Very well, I'll try to remember not to use it," he said with a slight tremor in his voice, sounding like he was trying not to laugh. "Now, why don't you tell me why you…uh…refused to do what Jasper asked you to do?"

I sat up, cross-legged, hugging one of the throw pillows to my chest. "I don't like having my emotions pried into, Carlisle. And I _don't_ like having them manipulated. It feels like I'm being sedated against my will. In the real world, that's probably illegal. It's certainly a violation of my human rights."

"Bella, this _is_ the real world." His voice was shaky; he was clearly on the brink of laughter. "You aren't living some fairy tale while you wait to go back to the human world. This is it for you. _This_ is your reality now." His voice turned serious again. "You chose this. There is no going back. You aren't human anymore, you are vampire, and you need to start coming to terms with that. Human rights don't apply to you, and there are no such things as vampire rights. The Volturi care about one thing only: secrecy. They will go to any length to maintain it, and I will be held responsible for any mistakes you make that threaten this secrecy. I won't take any risks with this.

"Every time you get angry, your reaction is to run, Bella. It is understandable, but it can't be allowed. You are too fast for us, we couldn't keep up with you. It could end disastrously for all of us, should you happen to cross paths with humans. Now, you may see Jasper's skill as an unfair advantage, but I'm going to use every advantage I have at my disposal. The world has changed a lot since I was turned; it's getting harder for us to blend in unnoticed, never mind conceal the damage a newborn can cause. You have to be kept under tight control for now. You understand that, don't you?"

"I do," I whispered, contrite. I was feeling really guilty now, and thoroughly ashamed of myself. "I'm sorry, Carlisle, I really am. I didn't mean to run…I don't even really know why I did it, it kind of just happened. I don't know…it made sense at the time. But I won't fight Jasper anymore, I promise. I could never live with myself if I killed anyone or got us all in trouble."

"Apology accepted." He stood up. "Now, I think I had better go. Edward is hovering outside your door."

I was shocked. "What, that's it?"

He turned back to look at me. "What do you mean?"

"Uh, it's just that the others lead me to believe…uh…" I stopped, not sure how to say it.

"That I would put the fear of God in you, like I do with them?"

"Yes," I said, relieved that he had said it for me.

He chuckled. "You are all different personalities, with vastly different backgrounds; what works for one, doesn't necessarily work for the other. I have to adapt my methods to each individual. The others are from a different time, when people had more respect for authority, especially parental authority. Usually, a sharp word is all that is required with Rosalie. Emmett and Edward are still a little wild and require a firmer hand, especially Edward. You are from a generation that doesn't fear authority as much, but you are level-headed and sensible for the most part, so reasoning with you seems to be a good first step."

"Oh." I didn't know what to say. It seemed strange to thank him, but I did. "Well, thank you. I appreciate it."

"Bella." His tone was serious, so I looked up at him and quailed inwardly. His countenance was stern and his eyes hard. It was the face Edward had been referring to, the one that turned his knees to jelly. I could certainly understand why. I felt very young all of a sudden.

"If reason doesn't work, I will escalate. I'll do whatever is necessary to keep you and this family safe." He waited until I nodded, wide-eyed, and then turned and silently left the room.

* * *

Edward came in moments later. He closed the door and leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest and observing me pointedly. When he didn't speak, I raised an eyebrow.

"What, no lecture?" I challenged him.

"Nope," he said with a lopsided grin. "Your behavioral problems aren't my concern anymore."

That lopsided grin distracted me from the crack about my 'behavioral problems'. My eyes lingered on his sensuous mouth for a moment, then slid lower, taking in his strong jaw and the gentle slope from neck to shoulder that was revealed by the slightly off-center collar of his shirt. He was wearing a black t-shirt hanging outside low-slung faded bluejeans, except for where he had tucked the hem in behind his belt buckle. His feet were bare.

I looked back up into his yellow eyes. "Take off your shirt…" I said huskily, suddenly desperate for a distraction. I knew I still had to deal with Jasper, but right now I wanted, no, _needed_ to lose myself in Edward.

He didn't move immediately, 'That Look' coming across his face. 'That Look' spoke volumes…telling me in no uncertain terms that the _only_ reason he was letting me have the upper hand in our sexual relationship was because I was stronger than he was, and that I should enjoy the upper hand while I had it, because the moment I lost my newborn strength, he'd be taking the lead again, and then he'd make me pay. Intimidated and incredibly turned on, I felt an overwhelming urge to drop my eyes. Right on cue, my insides turned to liquid.

And that was before he'd even _begun_ to undress.

Reaching for the hem of his t-shirt, he pulled it over his head and tossed it into the corner with a flick of his arm, his eyes never leaving mine

"Come here," I said, trying to shake off the spell he was weaving around me, and failing miserably when my breath hitched on the H. 'Knowing Smile' joined 'That Look', and I knew I wasn't fooling him for even a second. He came anyway, and stood just out of arm's reach. I scooted to the edge of the bed, and still had to lean forward to reach him. Hooking my fingers into the waistband of his jeans, I reeled him in, feeling him resist me.

Pulling him between my parted thighs, I leaned forward, inhaling him, my nose and lips brushing up against the alabaster skin of his stomach. He hissed softly and reached up to tangle his fingers in my hair, but I caught his hands and trapped them behind him, quickly swapping wrists so that his arms where crossed behind his back. I continued to nuzzle his abdomen, now free from interference.

I loved the way he smelled. I loved the way his abs twitched involuntarily beneath my lips. I loved the faint hisses and soft groans my mouth coaxed out of him. And I _loved_ the way he tugged at his trapped wrists trying to free himself. I loved having the upper hand for once.

I could not help but marvel at how much I had changed. Becoming a vampire had unleashed something in me. That was one of the positive aspects of my new life. Loving, and being loved the way I was, had enabled me to see the beauty in me that I had always denied. True, I was 'enhanced', to human eyes at least, but it was still me.

I still did not care so much about clothes - unless I was dressing for Edward - but it was no longer for the same reasons. Before, I didn't care because I was so self-effacing and insecure. I dressed to match how I felt about myself. Now, it was because I wore such an aura of self-confidence about my looks, that my appearance didn't matter to me anymore.

I started placing open-mouthed kisses on his stomach, tasting him. Hunching down a little, I swirled the tip of my tongue around the well of his belly-button, and then followed the faint line of hair down to where it disappeared beneath the waistband of his jeans. His hips rocked forward involuntarily.

"Bella…please," he cried out softly, twisting his wrists in an attempt to get loose.

I reveled in my strength, enjoying it all the more because I knew it wouldn't last for ever. Edward's muscles were bunched and quivering as he tried to pull himself free, and I was barely exerting any effort. Emboldened, I started undoing his belt with my teeth, ignoring his very obvious denim-covered arousal right beneath my chin. For now.

"Bella…I swear to God…"

"Really? That's a bit rude, isn't it?" I murmured, deliberately misunderstanding him

I slid off the bed and down his legs until I was kneeling between his feet, my arms an unbreakable band around his hips. Tugging slightly on his arms, I forced him to open his shoulders, pulling them back and down. I nuzzled his crotch and then looked up at him seductively. He was looking down at me, his jaw tense and a fierce, predatory look on his face.

I smiled slowly, bared my teeth, and clicked them together once in a biting motion, moving with excruciating slowness toward his crotch. His eyes widened as he realized what I was planning.

"Please…no…Bella…" he moaned as I pulled at his arms again, arching him back a little more. His head fell back, his body taught as a bowstring.

Ignoring him, I nuzzled him once more, running my slightly parted lips right down the length of him. Without further warning, I fastened my teeth around him at about mid-point, right through the soft cotton of his jeans, and bit down lightly. Well, lightly for a vampire.

Edward cried out sharply, pushing his hips into my face. A powerful wave of lust washed over me out of nowhere, and just like that, I was done with foreplay. I released his wrists and stood, turning him around and backing him toward the bed. The back of his knees hit the edge, and he fell backwards. Leaning over him, I finished unbuttoning his jeans and yanked them down over his hips. _Oooh, commando!_ I skimmed back up his body, licking the underside of him from root to tip with one long sweep of my tongue, on my way to his nipples. Again his hands reached for me, and again I stopped him.

"Reach above your head and hold on to the bars of the bed," I whispered, standing up and fumbling for the button on my jeans. He gave me 'That Look' again, hesitating just long enough to throw me off balance, to challenge me, but not long enough to get anywhere close to killing my mood.

What _did_ kill my mood was Emmett banging on the door and saying "Am I interrupting anything?" knowing full well that he was. For a split second, the red haze of anger flooded my eyesight, and I tensed, ready to tear after him, rip off one of his legs and sell it back to him later for an obscene amount of money; but remembering everything that had transpired today, I decided maybe I could try to show a little maturity and control my temper instead. Quaking with the effort, I looked at Edward, who had pulled his jeans back up and was propped up on his elbows eyeing me carefully.

"Relax," I said, plopping down on the bed beside him, my voice shaking a little. "I won't kill him today. But he ruined the moment; I'm not in the mood anymore."

"For that reason alone, he must pay," he said with mock solemnity, his lips twitching.

He was teasing me, trying to diffuse the situation, and I loved him for it. "Go get him, tiger," I said, equally mock-seriously. "I need to talk to Jasper anyway."

He gave me a dangerous, tooth-filled grin. "When I get back, we'll pick up where we left off," he said, pointing a finger at me before disappearing out the door. I heard a commotion downstairs, and ran to the window just in time to see Emmett shooting into the trees with my bare-chested, bare-footed mate in hot pursuit. I followed their progress up the hill by watching the tops of the trees shiver and shake, unloading their burdens of snow. When their trail of destruction disappeared over the crest, I turned to seek Jasper out for a much needed talk.

Alice was just coming out of his study as I neared the door, clutching a stack of magazines and catalogs, looking a little flustered and disheveled. "Uh…Hi Bella! I…um…" She closed her mouth, and without saying another word, flitted out of sight to her room.

I watched her disappear with a frown on my face, surprised at her odd behavior, and then shrugged, turning to the closed door in front of me. I sighed, dreading what was coming, and raised my hand, but before I had time to knock, Jasper let me know he already knew I was there.

"Come on in."

I pushed open the door, and leaned against the jamb, wanting to gauge Jasper's mood before walking into the room. He was sitting cross legged on the couch, softly strumming on his guitar. Come to think of it, he looked a bit disheveled himself.

He looked up at me, his expression unreadable for a moment, and then broke into a disarming smile. "Get over here, baby girl," he drawled, unfolding one leg and patting the spot beside him. Relieved that the air between us appeared to be mostly clear, I practically skipped over to him and stretched myself out on the couch in my usual position, my head propped on his thigh as I looked into the flames. Jasper set his guitar aside and started playing with my hair, smoothing it away from my forehead and temples in a slow and soothing motion.

Much to my surprise, Jasper and I had developed a very close relationship, having bonded early on after I had been turned, over our love of reading. Very quickly, his study - especially when he was in it - became my sanctuary, my port in the storm, the place I could run to when my new life and my feelings for Edward got a little overwhelming. Mostly, we spent time in companionable silence, neither of us feeling the need to fill the silence with talk, but sometimes we argued amicably over a book or a movie, and engaged in in-depth discussions of the most random of topics. Just being in his presence was soothing, and I sought out his company often in those early days.

I listened to the crackling and spitting of the fire as I tried to gather up my courage and formulate an apology. I was feeling quite embarrassed about my outburst by now, and was reluctant to even allude to it. Jasper - damn his southern hide - stayed silent, toying with my hair and letting me marinate in my guilt. Finally I decided to just open my mouth and see what came out.

"Jazz?"

"Mmmm?"

"I'm sorry about not listening to you earlier, and for being such a bitch. I know you were only trying to help me. I don't really know what got into me. Anyway…I am sorry."

"I know you are, darlin'," he said softly. "But how about you don't fight me next time? You won't have to be sorry _at all_ in that case. Oh, and if you could also watch your language while you are at it, I won't have to wash your mouth out with soap."

I giggled, and punched him in the leg.

"She thinks I'm joking…" He sighed dramatically.

"Of course you're joking."

Silence.

"Right?" I enunciated, raising myself up on my arms to look at him.

He gave me a long, pointed look, and then laughed. "Of course I'm joking, Bella."

I eyed him suspiciously for a moment, and then settled back down, my cheek on his thigh. He went back to playing with my hair.

"Jazz?"

"Mmmm?"

"Why are there a pair of panties hanging from the lampshade?"


	2. Jasper

**Note**: Yes. It's been ages. I suck. But that is why I'm writing longer, self-contained, cliff-hanger free chapters. It's why this won't be a plot-driven story.

This chapter is chapter one from Jasper's point of vi...wait! Don't go! I swear, it isn't a rehash of the last chapter. Give it a chance! If you'll recall, Jasper wasn't with Bella all the time in the last chapter. In this chap, you get to see how Bella's newborn status affects Jasper.

I have been getting some lovely reviews, which I put into an email folder to reply to later (now that FF has made it difficult to tell when you have responded to a review) and of course I never got around to replying to them (a lot has been going in on in my life). It seems kind of weird to do it after so much time has elapsed, but I really am grateful, I love them, and I wanted to thank you all for taking the time to leave them.

**Warning**: There is an incidence of _Citrus Interruptus_ ahead (again) and one slightly violent lemon. Remember, vampires are indestructible, furniture is not, and while no furniture was harmed during the writing of this chapter, one desk may have suffered slight damage.

Touchstone67, take your nausea meds and strap yourself in. Oh and stop reading when you get to "Pushing myself away from the wall, I palmed her ass, sliding my hands down her thighs and lifting her legs to wrap around my hips." You can start again when you get to "I heard her talking to Bella as I picked up my guitar and settled on the couch to wait." Unless you hate any and all Jalice interaction, in which case you had better skip the whole chapter.

Nat, you are the best, and if you see anything else that needs fixing or doesn't feel right, let me know. Just because I posted this, doesn't mean I am done revising it.

* * *

**Jasper**:

I swallowed a growl of frustration and deleted the email I had just read. The last avenue open to me in the research into my ancestry had yielded nothing. Dropping my head into my hands, I raked my fingers through my hair, pushing it away from my face. It was frustrating, but there really wasn't anything I could do about it at this point. The best investigators that money could buy hadn't been able to help me; it was time to come to terms with the fact that this particular branch of my family tree would remain a mystery to me. When the only family records in existence are destroyed in a fire, there isn't much anyone, immortal or otherwise, can do. I had managed to piece together some information from letters and journals, but it wouldn't be enough to paint anything close to a complete picture. Emmett might have some suggestions, as it was his idea initially – but I wasn't holding out much hope.

Logging out of my email account, I pulled up the database created with the sole purpose of tracking my family's descendants and entered the scant information I had managed to compile so far. Unlike Emmett, who dedicated an entire wall of his room in every home he lived in to recording his findings as a tribute to his ancestry, I preferred this more pedestrian method. Admittedly, Emmett's way was more impressive. With surprising artistic skill, he had chronicled as much of his family tree as he was able to track down, starting with his parents, in beautiful calligraphy on one wall of his room. He joked that decades of painting Rosalie's toenails had given him a certain dexterity with the paintbrush. It wasn't something you'd expect Emmett to be interested in, but when someone had several lifetimes ahead of them and didn't need to sleep, their interests would vary greatly over the years. It was the first thing he did when he moved into a new place; he would painstakingly transcribe every name and date of birth and death onto his wall of choice, before setting out his furniture and personal belongings. He said it humbled him, grounded him, and connected him to his roots. It was his way of keeping close to his family, those both alive and dead.

My thoughts wandered to Alice, out with the rest of the family, and I leaned back in my chair, threading my fingers together behind my neck and looking out at the snowy landscape beyond the frost rimmed windows of my study. Hearing the sound of pages turning, I spared Bella a brief glance. Something in her body language caught my attention and I did a double-take.

I observed her unobtrusively for a moment, and frowned. Something was off with her. It was nothing that could be easily pinpointed or explained, but years of working with a wide variety of newborns had given me a great deal of insight into the signals they would unknowingly give off; clues to their state of mind, and their immediate intentions, mostly. Bella was setting off some serious alarms. I shifted my focus to her emotions, finding her closed off to me. That did not bode well; her shield often closed in on her when she was upset. There was nothing for it; it would have to come down. I was about to ask her to drop it when she suddenly stiffened, and threw the book she was holding against the wall with a flick of her wrist.

Ok, we definitely had a situation brewing. "Hey!" I said sharply enough to catch her attention and let her know she was out of line.

She must have forgotten I was there, because she jumped before turning toward me. Her eyes had darkened, though not enough to make thirst a factor in her incomprehensible behavior.

"If you want to throw books, go to your room and throw your own," I snapped. "Now pick it up."

Her face hardened. She glared at me defiantly, but made no move to comply.

_Oh no you don't, child_…"Bella," I said warningly, sitting up straighter.

She remained motionless, staring at me intently. Through her eyes I could almost see the wheels turning as she debated whether she could get away with disobeying me. Before I could decide what my next move would be, she got up and walked over to the wall, bending to pick up the book under my watchful eye. Her body language still concerned me; that shield definitely needed to come down, and it needed to come down _now_.

"Drop your shield, Bella," I ordered softly.

She spun around to face me, her eyes flashing with her ire. "What?!" she exploded. "Why? All I did was throw a book!"

I gripped the arms of my chair. "You know exactly why," I said firmly. "Now drop it."

There was no doubt now that she was on the verge of losing control. She was practically vibrating with anger; I didn't need my power to figure _that_ out. I _did_ need it to calm her down though, but for that she would have to drop her shield and let me in. I really hoped she wouldn't make me force the issue, but it wasn't looking good.

My concern grew as I waited for her to comply. She squeezed her eyes shut, shaking, but her shield remained up. Worried that she was close to losing it, I stood, ready to intervene quickly if necessary.

"Isabella. Do it. _Now,_" I commanded sharply, getting tired of her insubordination and rapidly losing patience with her.

Her eyes flew open and she stared at me again, tensing.

I groaned inwardly. _Aw, Hell. She's gonna blow._ I was about to lunge at her when she bolted, letting the book drop out of her hands as she went. It hit the floor behind me with a soft thud just as I brought her crashing down to the ground in the hallway, immobilizing her swiftly if not easily by twisting her arms behind her back. She was thrashing around so powerfully beneath me that she almost unseated me twice. Her rage slammed into me like a fist the moment I breached her shield.

"Jesus," I muttered, struggling to fend off her anger and overwhelm it with calm. She shrieked like a banshee before suddenly going limp in my grasp as the waves of calm I was flooding her with finally took hold.

"You can let me up now," she mumbled sarcastically into the carpet. "I'm _all_ better."

I loosened my grip fractionally. "Your shield had better be down when I let go of you," I warned, not liking her tone, "and you are leaving it down until Carlisle tells you otherwise. Clear?"

She said nothing, but at least she wasn't fighting me anymore.

My grip tightened again. "Answer me," I ground out, getting more irritated by the second.

"Yes," she muttered quietly. "Clear."

I let go of her and stood, stepping aside as she jumped up and plucked nervously at the hem of her top, avoiding my eyes. Watching her carefully, I sensed only minor annoyance and a touch of embarrassment under a whole heaping helping of sulkiness. It was nothing for me to be concerned about. The immediate danger seemed to have passed, but I wasn't going to let down my guard just yet. She kept quiet, despite the fact that I was clearly expecting her to say something.

I finally broke the silence myself. If nothing else, I was curious as to her motivations. "Why did you run?" I asked her.

"Because I was fine," she muttered, looking anywhere but at me.

I sighed. She was still copping an attitude. "Bella," I said firmly. "Look at me."

Slowly and unwillingly, she did.

Once she had given me her full attention, I spoke. "I thought you understood that it wasn't your determination to make."

She shrugged and looked down again, her hair falling into her face. She looked like the quintessential surly teenager. For some reason it got on my very last nerve.

My temper finally got the best of me. "Dammit, Bella," I snapped, "look at me when I am talking to you, and get your hair out of your face."

Her head shot up and she swept the curtain of dark hair out of the way, scowling at me. "Jesus, Major Whitlock, relax," she sniped. "You're not in the army anymore. What crawled up your ass and died, anyway?"

Her snippy twenty-first century attitude was the final straw. Carlisle could deal with her; she was his problem. I'd had enough. I was tired of fighting with her; it was like banging your head against a brick wall. Battling my own anger, I squeezed my eyes shut, pinching the bridge of my nose and frowning. "That's it. There's no talking to you when you are like this," I said curtly, throwing in the towel. "Just go to your room, and stay there until Carlisle gets home."

"Seriously, Jasper? You're sending me to my _room_?"

My fingers twitched. _Somebody, _please_ give me strength_. "Bella," I responded wearily, "I don't care where you go, as long as you stay within the walls of this house. So pick a room – or a closet, if that's what you want - get your ass in it before I do it for you, and stay there until Carlisle comes to you. I don't want to see you, hear you, or talk to you until then. And keep your shield _down_."

Again she hesitated. I took a step toward her, shooting her an angry glare. She stood her ground for as long as she dared before finally heaving a bratty sigh and turning to flounce away. It made me so angry I was tempted to go after her and smack her clear into next week. Resisting the urge, I watched her until she disappeared around the corner and slammed the door to her room shut with such force that the floor vibrated beneath me. Thankful for a little peace and quiet, I headed back to my desk and dropped into my seat, leaning back and staring blindly at the ceiling, still struggling with my anger.

I had bonded very quickly with Bella. It was almost inevitable, considering I'd been charged with keeping tabs on her emotional state. Over the years, I had developed the ability to keep the emotional input from others turned way down, kind of like music playing quietly in the background. With Bella, the volume had to be turned up a little louder in order for me to pay attention to the songs. As a result, her inner workings quickly became intimately familiar to me. It was hard not to love such a sweet soul. Bella was by no means as perfect and selfless as Edward liked to think she was, but underneath all the emotional turmoil that sometimes made her snap and snarl like a Tazmanian Devil, she was still the kind and caring human that she had always been.

It took Bella a little longer to bond with me. Initially, she wasn't happy about me 'prying into her emotional state' as she loved to put it, and tended to avoid me, though I wasn't sure why she thought keeping her distance would help. It wasn't like I needed proximity to her to be able to get a read on her emotions - unless her shield was up, of course. For a start, they were very strong and all over the place in those early months. I could have helped her more often than I did, even without her knowledge, but I didn't want to do that unless her temper reached critical mass – which had happened quite a few times, although I wasn't sure she realized that. Not only did she need to experience what being a newborn felt like and learn to manage her feelings on her own, it was also important that she come to me for help of her own volition, when she was good and ready. I sensed that unsolicited help from me would feel like interference, and not be welcomed. She'd had enough controlling behavior from Edward to last her a lifetime; she didn't need it from me as well.

It was heartbreaking at times, watching her struggle with her feelings and wishing I could just step in, chase away the monsters, and make everything alright, yet knowing that there were some things she just had to work through on her own. I felt a surge of tenderness for her when it occurred to me that this was probably what being a parent felt like, and the closest I would ever get. You had to have been a newborn yourself - or like me, have special insight into them - to understand the turmoil she was going through. I knew from personal experience that something as simple as a harmless memory could trigger emotions that were then blown out of all proportion by the newborn state.

It was by no means a walk in the park for me either. When I'd agreed to monitor Bella's emotions, I hadn't thought about the ramifications. I hadn't considered how working with a newborn again would affect _me_. It was bringing memories to the forefront of my mind that weren't particularly welcome there anymore. Forgetting might be impossible for me, but I had become very adept at pushing unpleasant memories deep into the recesses of my mind and keeping them there. This was something all vampires had to learn in order to maintain some level of sanity, and most vampires didn't have to deal with the terrifying past that still plagued me to this day. Unfortunately, close contact with one of the most contrary and difficult newborns I had ever encountered was making it very difficult to keep the old memories and emotions at bay.

In addition to having to deal with the memories dredged up by being around a newborn, it was necessary for me to re-learn how to act around one. The last time I had any significant dealings with them, I was molding them into killers, using dubious methods at best. My job was a lot harder when the newborn in question was my baby sister, and needed to be treated with patience and tact instead of brute force. Still, old habits die hard; I had lost count of the times I'd wished I could just go back to my old _modus operandi _and clobber her into submission. It would certainly make my job easier.

* * *

We had already been in upstate New York for several weeks before Bella finally cracked and came to me. Alice and I had been hanging out together on the couch, talking quietly. A careless remark had led to a challenge, then a struggle, and ended with Alice on her back and me kneeling on the sofa, looming over her, her hips cradled between my thighs. She wrapped her legs tightly around me, sighing as I reverently slipped the spaghetti strap of her top down one snowy shoulder and bent down to nibble unimpeded on her collar bone, tasting her against her half-hearted protests. Just as my lips began drifting south to her breasts, she suddenly stiffened beneath me. I lifted my head to look at her, finding her eyes glazed over, irises darting back and forth; the telltale signs of a vision.

Braced on my arms, I watched her, curbing my impatience with difficulty, and waited for her to ride it out. Seconds later, she blinked and her eyes came back into focus. With a satisfied smirk, I brought my lips back to her throat, only to have her push at my chest, squirming to get away. Misunderstanding, and thinking she was simply getting feisty, my grin widened in anticipation of a struggle and some rough sex. I clamped my hands around her wrists and pressed them to the cushions beside her head, trapping her against the couch.

She let out a strangled squeak. "Get off me Jazz!" she yelped, trying to twist her wrists free. "Bella has finally decided she needs you. She's coming to see you. She and the others will be back from hunting in a few minutes, and if I don't get out of here, she won't come to you."

I ignored her and ground my hips against her, hoping to distract her, but succeeded only in ratcheting up my own lust a notch or two. "Come on, baby," she said a little breathily, drumming her heels against my back to get my attention back on what mattered. "You can do me anytime, but Bella needs you _now_."

Groaning in frustration, I dropped my forehead to her chest, refusing to let her go just yet. It was past time for Bella to finally realize she needed help from me, and I couldn't let this opportunity slide. Who knew when she would decide to come to me again. I reluctantly let Alice go, and straightened up as she slithered out from under me and made for the door before I could change my mind and snatch her back into my arms.

I stuck my hand down the front of my cargo pants, hissing as I rearranged myself, and flopped down on the sofa onto my back, throwing an arm over my eyes. "I need a cold shower," I muttered sulkily.

"Think of Esme naked!" Alice sang from somewhere in the house.

I lurched upright. "Jesus, Alice! That's disgusting! She's practically my mother!"

"Yeah, but it worked, didn't it?"

I looked down at myself. Well whaddya know. It was working, and I didn't even have to actually do it. I stood and went to my desk, unplugging my laptop and taking it to the armchair, settling in to work on my dissertation while waiting for Bella to show up. It took me awhile to realize she was hovering outside my door, and had been for a few minutes. I set my laptop aside, unfolded my legs from beneath me, and waited for her to knock.

She didn't. Her hesitation was barely discernible, lost as it was in the sea of other emotions plaguing her, but it was there. A minute elapsed, yet she remained indecisive. Finally I stood, walking over to the door and opening it.

She looked terrible. Gaunt, the purple shadows under her eyes much more pronounced than they should be, considering that she had fed recently. The mental strain she was under was enormous. She said nothing, and I simply stood aside, wordlessly inviting her in.

She said nothing to me during that first visit. I observed her from the door at first, waiting for her to speak, but she didn't, standing just inside my study and looking around with curious eyes. It was the first time she had been in there since I had moved my personal belongings in, and I could feel her interest slowly growing, until it had more or less overwhelmed the rest of her feelings. It spiked when she noticed my bookshelves, and like a child distracted, she forgot her suffering and made a beeline for my books. I watched her trailing her fingers reverently along the spines before pulling one of them out and opening it.

Shrugging inwardly, I went back to my armchair and folded my long frame into it. Bella was now almost completely calm, and I had done nothing to contribute to her peaceful state. When she curled up in a corner of my sofa with the book, pulling the throw cover around herself, I reached for my laptop and went back to work. We spent the next two hours in companionable silence, and then Bella rose, replaced the book and left, sparing me a quick glance and a timid half-smile.

We continued like this for the next week. I started leaving my door ajar, which in this family was an invitation to come in (a closed door meant knock, and wait for permission to enter). At some point during the day or night, Bella would slip in, quietly close the door, and with a smile at me, retrieve whichever book she had been reading and curl up in her corner of the sofa. I would go back to what I was doing, and wait.

Her silent presence in my refuge had become so comfortable and familiar, that she surprised me when she finally spoke one day.

"Did I make a terrible mistake?" she whispered almost inaudibly.

I looked at her, only to find her looking absolutely stricken. She had put the book down, and was hugging her knees to her chest. With her faded threadbare jeans and plain t-shirt, and her hair in a ponytail, she looked small and lost, and all of thirteen years old. I hadn't noticed there was anything wrong because her shield was up.

I pushed my chair away from my desk, and joined her on the sofa, taking a seat next to her. "What do you mean?" I asked softly, ducking my head a little to catch her eyes. I had a pretty good idea what she was referring to, but I wanted her to verbalize it.

"You're the expert. Am I cut out to be a vampire, or did I make a terrible mistake?"

"You can't think like that, Bella. You _are_ vampire, so it doesn't matter if you are cut out for it or not."

She frowned and waved her hand dismissively. "You know what I'm asking, Jasper. You have experience with newborns. Is it normal for me to have so much trouble adapting?"

I ran my hands through my hair and laced my fingers behind my head, leaning against the back of the couch. "Bella," I sighed, "that's a difficult question for me to answer. The newborns I dealt with were trained to be disposable killers; I didn't need them to learn to control their thirst and their instincts. They were used and discarded without a second thought to their well-being. Until you, I had no experience raising a newborn normally, with kindness and patience, to become a stable vampire."

She shot out of her seat like a bullet. "Fine," she snarled, looking like she was getting angrier and more impatient by the minute. "If you don't know, who's the best person to ask?"

I needed to get a read on her emotions, and soon. "Bella, sit down and let me finish," I said firmly, reaching for her quickly and fastening my hand around her arm. This served the dual purpose of enabling me to break through her shield - which I'm not even sure she knew was up - and pulling her back down on the couch. She was getting dangerously agitated again, all the benefits of quietly being in my presence during the past week erased, and was trying to tug her arm out of my grip. I decided this constituted an emergency, and let the merest hint of calm bleed from me into her. Not enough to overwhelm her other feelings, but just enough to take the edge off. She relaxed infinitesimally, and I released her.

"It's far too early to know that for sure. It's barely been a month; these things take time. If it will make you feel better, Carlisle is a better judge. You should talk to him. But Bella, you need to give yourself some time. And you should also consider letting me help you with my gift."

"I haven't needed help so far," she muttered sullenly, looking at her toes and picking at the polish. Alice had painted them a pale sky blue, with a dainty cluster of daisies on the big toes.

I let out a bark of laughter. "I can think of about ten instances off the top of my head where you _did_ need my help."

She went dangerously still. Her eyes darted to mine, hard as flint. "_What_?"

I shot her a level gaze. "You know I've influenced your behavior before," I reminded her. "Not much, just enough to put a damper on your emotions and make you less dangerous." I was telling her all this because it was high time that she realized that she couldn't do this alone.

She sat unmoving, staring at me blankly, both hands fisting around a handful of denim on her shins.

"Come on Bella, you knew you were going to need help from time to time," I said reasonably. "Why are you so upset about this now?"

She glared at me. "I thought you'd ask my permission, or at the very least let me know you were going to do it," she said icily.

"You were hardly in a position to be reasonable. That's kind of why you needed help," I explained patiently. "There was no time to explain it all to you and I _don't_ need to get your permission to defuse you. You _know_ that. I've only used my gift on you when you were almost out of control and time was of the essence. The point is I'm asking you now if you will allow me to do more. Let me help you, Bella. Not to completely eradicate your feelings; you still need to experience them, and learn to deal with them yourself. I can take the edge off, though, and make them a bit more manageable for you. Honestly, sweetheart, I don't know how you've coped so far. You are incredibly resilient, but even you have your breaking point. It seems to me you are very close to reaching it."

She seemed to shrink into herself, hugging her legs a little tighter. "I can't take it any more, Jasper," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I can't do this. The world is too noisy. It's driving me crazy, and I can't get away from it. The outdoors is noisy, the house itself is noisy…everything is so _loud_, even the damn furniture! I can't find a moment's peace, anywhere. Sometimes I can't even stand to be in my own head; there's too much going on, too much to process! It feels like everything in my head is happening at the same time, right now. Every painful memory, every embarrassing moment, it's all there for me to relive time and time again. I can't forget _anything_. I can't forget…"

Her breath had started hitching as she spoke, no doubt the precursor to an epic crying jag, and possibly a panic attack. I gripped her upper arms and shook her once, gently, to snap her out of her blue funk and catch her attention. "Bella, look at me," I said firmly.

I didn't wait for her to do as I had asked her; I simply reached for her chin and tipped her face up to mine. "You're right, you won't ever forget. But you will learn to ignore the memories. You'll get used to them. You'll get used to the noise too. Look at the rest of us. Do we look like we're going crazy to you? You have to give it time, and you have to stop beating yourself up about taking more time than others. I can't do anything to accelerate the learning process for you, but I can help make the transition easier. Please let me show you what I mean, honey," I pleaded. "You don't have to suffer like this. Please."

She was considering my words, but I still sensed resistance. Her illogical stubbornness about this was starting to anger me, but my ire was kept carefully concealed. I decided to switch tactics. "It isn't fair to me, Bella," I murmured softly, letting her go. "Shutting you out completely isn't an option, as I'm charged with keeping an eye on you, especially when you are having difficulties. Because of this, all your rage, your frustration, your sadness; every single powerful emotion you experience is forced on me as well, whether I want to feel them or not. For both our sakes, I am begging you to let me help you."

Finally I had reached her. I knew this would do the trick; Bella had far too tender a heart to allow another to suffer because of her. Her face crumpled, and she buried her face in her knees, sobbing. "Oh, Jasper, I'm so sorry!" she cried. "I didn't think about that!"

"Hey, now, don't blow things out of all proportion," I crooned, pulling her into my lap and wrapping her in a soothing embrace. She transferred her face from her knees to my neck, and wrapped her arms around me. "The important thing is that you realize it now." I rubbed her back gently, letting her cry for a few minutes. When I had decided she had cried enough, I asked her if she was ready for me to show her how I could help her. She nodded against my neck.

Focusing on her strongest emotion, which currently happened to be sadness, I dialed down the intensity. The feeling itself was still present, but it wasn't as consuming as it had been. "Do you feel the difference?" I murmured into her hair. "I'm doing more than just flooding you with calm." She nodded again relaxing a little. Reassured that she was taking it well, I worked on her anxiety, her tension, and her frustration next, bringing them all down to manageable levels. Finally she heaved a shuddering sigh, and melted against me. "Thank you, Jazz," she murmured.

"You're welcome, baby girl," I whispered, pressing my lips against the crown of her head.

From that point on, Bella sought refuge with me whenever she felt overwhelmed by the world. It made her life, and by extension mine and the rest of the family's, a whole lot easier. She no longer tried to deal with it all by herself, though asking for help outright was still difficult for her. Having spent most of her life being independent and taking care of others, it was hard for her to find herself in the position of needing to be cared for. In the early days of our agreement, she would not ask for help, though she accepted it if it was offered. After one too many times of her running to me on the verge of hysteria over something, I suggested that if she learned to come to me for help _before _she reached flashpoint, I might be able to relax my vigilance slightly and allow her a little more emotional privacy, and wouldn't that be nice for her?

Asking for help suddenly became a whole lot easier.

We grew even closer. Our relationship was by no means perfect; we argued, and because we were vampires, our arguments could get exceptionally heated. On one or two occasions we even came to blows. It was to be expected, and I would have been surprised if Bella hadn't taken a swing at someone from time to time. It was all part of growing up. The important thing was learning to control those urges, at least if you wanted to fit in with human society someday. And Bella couldn't wait to be around humanity again.

* * *

Shaking off the memories, I reached for the large packet of documents my investigators had unearthed, and pulled out a padded envelope filled with old photos and miniatures. Sorting through them and cataloging them would take my mind off of my troublesome little sister for a while, at least until the rest of the family got home and I would have to fill them in on her most recent escapade. I started flipping through the photos, occasionally pausing to make notes, and Bella's tantrum was soon forgotten as I got lost in my past.

Two hours later, I heard the sounds of the family returning. I packed the photos and miniatures away carefully, and stood to go join them, mentally checking on Bella as I went down. All was quiet on the emotional front, except for the growing apprehension she was feeling at the prospect of facing Carlisle.

"Where's the baby?" Emmett asked as I came into the kitchen, my eyes seeking and finding Alice immediately.

"Up in her room, sulking," I replied, making a beeline for my mate. I hooked an arm around her waist and reeled her in, flush against me. "I missed you, baby," I whispered, kissing her lightly on the lips.

Edward had been halfway out the door and on his way to find Bella, when I had spoken. He spun around immediately, and I felt his concern spike. "Why is she sulking? What happened?"

_Relax, man. She's fine, _I thought at him. "She and I had ourselves a little set-to," I continued out loud over Alice's head, for the benefit of everyone else. "She refused to drop her shield, and I had to get physical."

Carlisle hung up his jacket. "Do you have any idea what set her off?" he interjected, before Edward could go off half-cocked. _You worry like an old hen_, I teased my brother silently. He glared at me, having read me loud and clear.

I turned to address Carlisle. "I'm not sure. She was reading a book, and then she just threw it at the wall." Knowing she was listening, and knowing that some of what might be said would anger her, I lowered my voice to a vampire-whisper. Everyone, except Rosalie, gathered closer in order to hear me. I felt a powerful surge of annoyance from Bella when she realized what I was doing. "I told her to pick it up; she refused at first. She looked like she was on the verge of erupting, so I asked her three times to lower her shield. She refused repeatedly, and then ran. I took her down in the hallway. It took me a few seconds to get through; she was being incredibly difficult, and I'm afraid I lost my temper. I sent her to her room to wait for you, Carlisle."

Edward turned to him, radiating anxiety. "What are we going to do? She's not adapting fast enough, what does that mean?"

"Don't be melodramatic, Edward," Alice whispered. "She's going to be fine; I have seen it, remember?"

"Alice, you know very well that the future isn't set in stone. Something could happen to change everything!" Edward hissed.

"Why the hell are we whispering?" Emmett said in confusion, almost too loudly to be called a whisper. Esme shushed him, pointing vaguely upward. He mouthed a silent 'oh' of understanding.

"Let's all calm down." Carlisle spoke quietly, ever the voice of reason. 'There is no need to blow this out of proportion. Yes, she disobeyed you, Jasper. Yes, she ran, and yes, I do need to talk to her and find out what was behind it. But we have to cut her some slack. Edward is right, she isn't adapting as fast as I could have hoped, but there's no reason for concern yet. She's barely six months old; it's far too soon to worry. I'll go up and have a word with her, and I'd like everyone to continue about their business. The last thing she needs is to feel ganged up on. I'm guessing she already feels bad about this," – I nodded in confirmation – "and there is no point in making her feel worse than she already is."

As he passed by me, he reached out and squeezed my shoulder. "Thank you for watching her, Jasper. You did well," he said, before leaving the kitchen, a worried Edward not far behind him.

The moment Alice and I were alone in the kitchen, I turned to her and cupped her face, leaning down to touch my lips gently to hers. She slipped her hands up between my arms, fingers skimming my neck before tangling in my hair at the back of my head – which she new drove me absolutely crazy. I took this as an invitation to deepen the kiss, and before I knew it, I had backed her against the kitchen counter, lifted her up on it, and pushed my way between her knees, never breaking contact with her mouth. It was Alice who broke it – not without some difficulty, as I wasn't particularly inclined to let her go.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?" she asked breathlessly, pulling my head down and touching her forehead to mine.

"Can't a vampire just kiss his mate?" I murmured, avoiding the question and lifting her down off the counter. Grabbing a hold of her hand, I towed her out of the kitchen.

"Jazz," she said softly as we started up the stairs, "cut her some slack, ok? This isn't easy for her. She needs time."

I snorted, in absolutely no mood to be charitable. "No amount of time is going to fix that attitude," I muttered darkly. "No, what that brat needs is a good…"

"That would be a _huge_ mistake, Jasper," she interrupted me with a soft laugh, stopping on the stairs and turning me to face her. "I don't need a vision to tell you that."

I leaned back against the wall, dropping my head back against it. "I don't know how long I can keep doing this, Alice. I love her, but she's driving me crazy. She can be so infuriating. She's the most undisciplined, insubordinate, stubborn, spoiled, mmmffh…" Alice had jumped up, locked her arms around my neck and kissed me hard, effectively shutting me up.

Pushing myself away from the wall, I palmed her ass, sliding my hands down her thighs and lifting her legs to wrap around my hips. I continued up the stairs without breaking our kiss and only released her when I kicked the door of my study closed behind me. She slid down my body, her feet coming to rest against the floor. We stared hungrily at each other for a moment, and then Alice's eyes went out of focus. Pink lips parted over a soft exhale and she blinked.

"Oh Jasper!" she breathed, seeing me again, her eyes alight with excitement and anticipation.

I raised my eyebrows in question, and was about to ask for clarification when I was brushed by a touch of lust that wasn't generated by either of us. It started out as a trickle, gradually increasing in intensity until it became overpowering, impossible to ignore. By its tenor, I could tell that the majority of it came from Bella; but Edward was putting out his own fair share. Naturally it stirred my own sexual thirst, and since I wasn't making the slightest effort to keep my overwhelming desire contained, the rest of the family was feeling its effects too. Emmett had already slammed Rosalie against something metal by the sound of it, probably the hood of a car. While the younger generation was quite open about their sexuality, Carlisle and Esme had more reserve, and disappeared into the woods for a little privacy. I could hear Esme's shocked giggle as they gradually disappeared out of hearing range, and wondered what Carlisle could have possibly whispered to her.

If that weren't enough, Bella and Edward were engaged in some kind of battle for dominance. The vibration of their lust was aggressive; it was a fight poor Edward didn't stand a chance in of winning. He was simply no match for Bella's newborn strength. I smirked inwardly. She was going to be in for a rough ride when she finally lost her advantage over him. His playful desire for revenge told me she was going to be paying dearly once he had the upper hand again.

Unfortunately – or perhaps not – their aggression and frustration, coupled with my latent irritation with the newest addition to our family, overwhelmed the civilized man in me. I was suddenly tired of pretending that I was anything else but a beast driven by my basest instincts.

I longed to unleash the monster in me.

Alice was seconds away from suffering the consequences of my lack of control, although by the look on her face, she already new what was coming. And if her sharpened scent were any indication, she was not opposed to letting me take what she knew I wanted.

I asked for her permission anyway. "Alice…"

At least I tried to. She put her fingers on my lips, silencing me. "Whatever you need, Jasper," she murmured. "Always."

I sent her all my gratitude for what she was about to let me do. Then my expression turned predatory. She knew what I expected of her, but I said it anyway. "Fight me, Alice," I whispered, loosening my grip on her, a clear invitation for her to try to escape me. 'Try' being the operative word; she didn't have a snowball's hope in hell of getting away from me, and we both new it. But I would enjoy her attempts, and I'd make sure she did too.

"You'll have to be quick," she said, her voice low. "Bella…"

"That won't be a problem, sweetheart," I interrupted, not caring to find out why speed was required, and what Bella had to do with anything. I had better things to do right now.

She smiled cheekily and shot me a knowing look from under her eyelashes. My lips pulled back into a feral smirk. _Oh, this is going to be good_. She tensed, her posture indicating imminent flight, and I tensed in response. For a moment we faced off, and then she suddenly made a break for the window, since I was still blocking the door.

She never made it. I caught her around the waist just as he had leaped onto the couch to get to the window behind it. If we had been alone in the house, she would have been screaming bloody murder. Out of respect for the others, we kept it as silent as possible, but she fought me with everything she had, kicking, struggling, and clawing at the prison of my arms. _That's my girl!_ I wrestled her to the desk with a snarl of satisfaction, cleared half the surface with a sweep of my arm, and slammed her face down onto it, so hard I heard the sound of wood cracking.

I kept her in place with a restraining hand to her back and got down to the business of baring her backside. It would have been easier to just tear off her skirt, but knew that damaging this particular item of clothing would put an immediate end to our activities. I happened to know it was one of her favorites. So I clawed at her thighs, pulling the scrap of denim up over her hips and to her waist. I ripped her tiny panties off her with a snap and tossed them aside while she thrashed around for all she was worth.

I didn't bother unbuttoning my jeans. I just unzipped them and freed myself, entering her so roughly I forced the desk forward about five inches. An involuntary cry escaped her and she redoubled her efforts to free herself, making me work for what I wanted. Her wild struggles only made me harder. I ground my hips into her, keeping her pinned to the desk and braced my hands on either side of her head, leaning down to whisper menacingly in her ear.

"Struggle all you want, but if you make another sound, I will gag you," I hissed.

She whimpered faintly, grasping the edge of the desk with both hands. I gripped her hips, digging my fingers into her firm flesh, and started thrusting in earnest, the dull smack of my denim covered hips against her ass the only sound we made. She reared up suddenly, twisting at the waist and flailing at me with one arm, trying to hit me. I snatched her wrist out of the air, reached for the other one, and shoved her back against the table, pinning them to the small of her back with one hand.

True to form, Alice was unable to remain completely silent as her climax approached. I released her wrists and grabbed a fistful of the back of her top and pulled her up, gagging her with my hand and holding her head against my chest, muffling the sound of her cries as I pounded roughly into her. No other stimulation was needed. She came suddenly, spasming, squeezing me almost to the point of pain, and triggering my own climax. Try as I might, I couldn't keep silent either, but I managed to keep it down to a low groan, forced out through clenched teeth.

Just in the nick of time. I felt impish glee from Emmett, followed by a sudden burst of rage from Bella, and frustration and wariness from Edward. I withdrew from Alice quickly, in case I needed to interfere.

"Don't worry," she said quietly, "she'll be fine. But she's going to be visiting you in a few minutes, so you'd better get presentable." She got me situated, then turned, shimmying her hips and working her skirt back down into place, looking adorably disheveled. She gathered up the magazines she had left here earlier, and as she turned to leave, I reached for her, spinning her around and pulling her in for another searing kiss.

"Alice," I whispered, touching the tips of my fingers to her cheek. "Thank you."

"I love you, Jasper," she breathed.

"I know."

A slow smile spread over her face as I said those words. I could feel her anticipation rise as she waited, knowing what was coming.

I didn't tell her I loved her.

I showed her instead.

All the love and desire I felt for her I shared with her in one strong but gentle pulse. She inhaled sharply. Her head rolled back, and she swayed into me, her eyelids fluttering closed. I caught her by the back of the neck and steadied her, dialing up the intensity of my feelings.

"Oh…" she cried out, "Oh Jasper, I love you so much…"

I kissed her again, softly this time, light as a spider's web, and then released her, ruffling her spiky hair affectionately. When she didn't move, I turned her and gave her a gentle push toward the door. She opened it and slipped out, giving me another warm look on her way out.

I heard her talking to Bella as I picked up my guitar and settled on the couch to wait. "Uh…Hi Bella! I…um…" She pattered off without another word.

I chuckled. Alice was flustered and quite turned on again, and if I didn't focus on something else, I'd soon be unfit to be facing Bella myself. I tracked her as she disappeared to her room, and then turned my attention back to Bella, who was hovering outside my door feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

"Come on in," I said quietly.

The door swung open, and Bella leaned against the jamb, unsure of her reception. She was watching me warily.

I wanted to be stern with her. She had really pushed me today, and I wanted to be angry at her still. But I couldn't. She was my kid sister, and I loved her. Besides, I felt too good to be mad. Letting go of the last of my anger, I smiled widely at her. "Get over here, baby girl," I said, patting her usual spot on the couch next to me.

Relief flooded through her, and she practically skipped over to my side, dropping to the couch and placing her head on my thigh with a contented sigh. I carefully propped my guitar against the sofa, and started running my fingers lightly through her hair. She always said it soothed her, and she was right. The residual tension bled out of her, leaving behind only a gentle calm. I said nothing, stroking her hair and listening to her emotions as she struggled to find a way to break the silence between us. She knew full well she was going to have to go first.

I heard her soft intake of breath and looked down at her as she stared into the flames.

"Jazz?"

"Mmmm?" I continued to softly smooth the hair away from her temple and forehead.

"I'm sorry about not listening to you earlier, and for being such a bitch," she said, staring resolutely ahead of her. "I know you were only trying to help me. I don't really know what got into me. Anyway…I am sorry."

She sounded and felt very contrite, and I was ready to let this go and forgive. Not without a little lesson, though. "I know you are, darlin'," I said, "but how about you don't fight me next time? You won't have to be sorry _at all_ in that case. Oh, and if you could also watch your language while you are at it, I won't have to wash your mouth out with soap."

She lifted her head and punched me in the thigh, giggling.

I sighed heavily. "She thinks I'm joking," I said in a long-suffering tone.

"Of course you're joking," she retorted, amusement in her voice.

Of course I was joking…wasn't I? I contemplated the idea for a moment, and felt a sudden burst of amusement from Alice. I wondered what she had seen. Whatever it was, I was pretty sure I wouldn't like it, so I discarded the idea.

Bella raised herself up on her arms and turned to me. "Right?" she said a little more loudly than necessary.

I played with her a little, pausing a beat too long and giving her an indecipherable look. "Of course I'm joking, Bella," I laughed finally, letting her off the hook.

She looked like she wasn't buying it for a moment, and then settled back against my leg. I went back to absentmindedly toying with a tendril of her hair.

"Jazz?" she said again after a few minutes of silence.

"Mmmm?" I replied absently, absorbed by the reflected fire flickering in her dark locks.

"Why are there a pair of panties hanging from the lampshade?"

My hand froze. "Uh…what?" I croaked.

She pointed, and I looked in the direction she indicated. Sure enough, the panties I had ripped off of Alice were hanging precariously from the lampshade by the fireplace.

_Shit._

* * *

**Note**: It has become necessary for me to point out that this is not going to be a Jasper/Bella story. I realize this may disappoint some people, but it was never intended to be that way. The whole Cullen family is going to get more or less equal treatment. The format of this story came about because I didn't get to fully utilize the other family members in my last story, and I wanted to remedy that here.

Next up, Rosalie's chapters.


	3. Bella: Rosalie

My suckage continues to know no bounds, I know. On the updating front _and_ the replying to reviews front. I don't even want to know how long it's been since I updated this time. I have a ton of excuses (real life kicking me in the ass, etc...), but enough of that.

Some of you are going to hate me for the ending, not because of what I wrote, but because of what I _didn't_ write. Sorry. I was feeling too prim and proper to write the actual lemon. You can thank my beta (the incomparable Natty Dread) for the fact that I wrote as much of it as I did...I was going to end it after "...one hell of a ride." She said "uh...no." (not exactly her words, but you catch my drift).

This chapter and the next focus mostly on Rosalie. My apologies to the Jasper fans. Edward is in it quite a bit, though, if that is any consolation.

**Warning**: No one gets raped, but there is talk of rape up ahead. That's all I am going to say.

* * *

**Bella**:

As my emotions settled and the novelty of my new condition started wearing off, I began to pay more attention to the members of my family again, fascinated by how an unrelated group such as ours could come together and create an almost typical human family.

Carlisle made an unusual patriarch. He had always struck me as being a little overly permissive, especially with Edward – that is until I joined the family. That's when I understood how it was possible for one man to hold together a family of vampires. He left us to our own devices - until he felt he needed to step in. He kept us all in line, especially me, and I wasn't a picnic in those early months as a newborn. Esme was nurturing and motherhood personified. She was caring, yet knew when to step back and let us make our own mistakes. Jasper most closely resembled the responsible, studious eldest son attending college; Emmett, the jovial prankster jock who teased his youngest sister mercilessly. Alice was like the second youngest, the one who played dress-up with me and put me in make-up, heels and feminine dresses in spite of my reluctance and occasional whining. Edward, as my lover, was obviously in a class of his own. And Rosalie…she reminded me of the typical beauty queen older sister, more interested in her looks and her boyfriend than the pesky new addition to the family.

Naturally, things went a lot deeper below the surface. They were all very complex people, blending youth and exuberance with decades – or in one case centuries- of experience, most bearing some serious scars, visible or otherwise. Jasper and Carlisle, as empathic, kind and compassionate as they were, could be vastly terrifying. Jasper had a scary dark side that I had fortunately caught only a few glimpses of, and I wasn't referring to my fateful eighteenth birthday. Emmett too had a sensitive side mostly manifesting itself in an absolute, single-minded devotion to Rosalie's happiness. He was also very intelligent, educated, and surprisingly well read given the amount of time he spent playing video games. Alice, along with Esme, did a great deal for charity. Rosalie, I soon found out, donated a lot of her time to a rape crisis hotline, but other than that aspect of her past, I knew very little about her. She was something of a mystery to me.

She and I were not close. We would do anything to protect each other, and I loved her in the way you love someone because they are family, even though you don't particularly like them. She wore an aura of disdain around her that told me she was still bent out of shape because I had thrown away my chances at having a husband and children, and it annoyed me because my choices really weren't any of her damn business. Rosalie was projecting her desires for a normal cookie-cutter life on me, and like Edward, had never bothered to ask me if I even wanted any of that stuff.

I didn't. I had made my distaste for marriage very clear to Edward, but we had never made it to the topic of children. Edward simply assumed that all women were longing to have babies, and I had never actually voiced my feelings on the subject out loud, to him or anyone else. I'd been too young to truly think about having kids before I met him, and having spent most of my life taking care of my parents, I wasn't even sure I'd ever want any. In any case, I hadn't planned on thinking about it for a long time, and meeting Edward had obviously put an end to the subject entirely. I wanted _him_ more than I could ever want a so-called normal life of a husband, 2.5 kids, a pet, and a picket fence. It was all a moot point anyway, now that I was a vampire, but Rosalie still carried some lingering resentment. So yes...Rosalie and I didn't have much of a relationship.

Which made it all the more surprising that she was the one I ran to when I almost raped Edward.

Alice had been playing dress-up with me, after which we were going to take some pictures to send to my parents, and the friends I had left behind. We had staged a fake after-lunch scene in the dining room at her urging, complete with crumpled napkins, glasses and half empty coffee cups (with flat coke standing in as coffee). Since I had been turned, we were gradually building up a photographic record of my time with the Cullens, which I sent to Renee, Charlie, and my Forks friends as we took them. Pictures of Edward and I hiking (on a cloudy day), group shots, baseball games, and when the season turned to winter, snowball fights, even a picture of Alice and I with our arms around each other, looking over our shoulders. It was the vision Alice had had long ago, before I'd fallen for Edward, permanently frozen in a snapshot. That one I had not only sent to Charlie, but framed and hung in my room as well, as it was very special to me.

_

* * *

_

I was at the sink, washing up the few cups and wineglasses we had used to simulate our lunch, when I felt two hands drifting around my waist and settling on my stomach, making my skin thrum and warmth blossom low in my belly. I quickly dried my hands on a dish towel and turned in Edward's arms, facing him and lacing my fingers in his hair at the back of his head. He tugged me closer and dipped his head, kissing me softly, ghosting his lips along my cheek.

"Let's go for a walk in the woods," he whispered in my ear.

Hope flared. "Just you and me?" I said, pulling away and smiling up at him. He nodded.

"Carlisle is ok with this?" Surprise colored my voice.

"Yes." His hands wandered up my back and under my hair. "We aren't going far. Just out of hearing range. I want us to have some privacy." His nose bumped mine and he went in for another gentle kiss.

"Ok," I breathed, looking up at him adoringly.

He gave me my favorite lopsided grin. "Let's go," he rumbled quietly, stepping away from me and taking my hand

I let him lead me out of the kitchen, towing me along behind him, down the terrace steps and into the trees, the sounds of household and family fading as we went deeper into the shadows. "Why am I suddenly being allowed to go off with only one babysitter?" I asked, stumbling slightly and righting myself so quickly only a vampire could have known I had tripped. I smiled in amusement, somehow cheered by this remnant of my humanity. Where once I would have seen this as a sign of my failure as a vampire, now it was a comforting reminder that I still maintained certain aspects of my human self. It also helped that though I still tripped and stumbled, I would never actually fall; my vampire reflexes were simply too good for that to ever happen. My amusement spiked when I compared my attitude toward this very human failing to my attitude in my early days as a vampire, when a stumble like this one had sent me to the brink of despair. Though I was still struggling, it was clear even to me that I had come a long way. Edward confirmed my thoughts a moment later.

"Jasper says your control has improved tremendously, your willingness to accept help shows a lot of maturity, and he thinks you can be trusted. It's a rainy, windless day, so there is no risk of a stray human's scent being blown your way, should anyone even be out in this weather. Alice doesn't see anything going wrong. There is very little chance of anything bad happening. We'll be fine."

We continued walking at a human pace, so I could enjoy being out with just Edward for as long as possible. Our fingers interlaced, we strolled silently through the emerald light of the woods, listening to the staccato pattering of falling water and the sucking and squishing of our feet as we walked. Though it wasn't currently doing more than drizzling, the water was dripping from the spring leaves, and I watched each shimmering, spherical drop undulate on its way down before exploding into an iridescent crown of droplets on the dead leaves of the forest floor. I turned my face up to the canopy, welcoming each warm splash of water on my face.

The rain picked up suddenly, the staccato pattering turning into rapid drumming, a thundering downpour that was referred to as a male rain in the Southwest where I had grown up. Though we were somewhat protected by the leaves, we were soon soaked.

I found it to be an arousing experience, as a vampire. Though our bodies were what Edward called dead, and I preferred to call petrified, our skin, incongruously, was infinitely more sensitive to stimulus; certain kinds anyway. Light touches seemed like they were increased a thousand fold. A light breeze through the hairs on my arms had an almost erotic effect on me. I had been told this would fade as I became accustomed to my new body, which was a pity, because this was a very pleasurable aspect of being a vampire when it wasn't embarrassing the hell out of me by affecting Jasper and by extension everyone around him.

The rain roared around us, and I felt primal and powerful. I focused on Edward as he walked ahead of me, lost in thought, his soaked shirt clinging to every shifting swell of the muscles on his back. A spark of lust ignited my belly, sensitizing my skin even more. The rain, snaking in rivulets along my throat and down my cleavage and back, felt like a thousand fingers lightly caressing every cell of my skin. I could not bite back a moan, and Edward turned at the sound, looking at me with a question in his eyes.

I should have seen…I should have recognized the head-space he was in, but I was too lost in my own sensations, every inch of my skin crawling, positively itching with lust. I stared at him for a long moment, my eyes traveling from his chest, dark nipples visible through the thin cotton of his shirt, up to his face, his hair glued to his forehead and his mouth glossy with rain, a fat drop trembling precariously from his lower lip. Driven to distraction by his strong jaw and chiseled dark, dusky rose lips, I threw myself at him, rocking him back with the force of the impact of my body, fisting my hands in his hair and yanking his head down so I could devour his mouth. I tasted the rain on his lips (not the most pleasant of flavors) as I kissed him ferociously, sucking on his lips. His hands fastened vice-like around my arms and he returned the kiss just as passionately, while trying to push me away at the same time.

That was the main source of what would turn out to be a massive misunderstanding. I took that push-pull as an invitation to get a little rough with him, just as I had done many times before. Moving slightly to the side, I took his legs out from under him with a sweep of one of mine. He landed flat on his back with a wet thud and I was straddling him in a split second, sending buttons flying when I tore his shirt open to bare his chest and stomach.

"Bella, wait…" his words turned into a hiss when I lowered my head, nipping roughly at his nipples. He threaded his fingers through the saturated ropes of my hair, holding on to my head, trying to get my attention. "Bella, stop, I want to talk to you first."

I heard the words, but they just didn't register. I was too far gone to pay attention to what I thought were simply token attempts at fighting me; this was a game we played often, after all. I just stared at him hungrily, grinding my hips against him, looking for the telltale signs of lust in his face. He winced, biting back a groan, and I felt him stirring between my legs. _Jackpot_, I thought gleefully, bucking against him again, the rough wet denim scraping me on my bare skin, sending tendrils of pleasure curling like smoke in my belly. I reached blindly for his belt buckle, unfastening it and deftly popped the buttons on his jeans. His hands left my head and latched onto my wrists, pulling my hands away from his crotch.

"Bella!" he ground out, more forcefully this time. "Stop!"

I twisted my hands free, and shifted down his legs, reaching for and pulling his jeans down past his hips until his erection sprang free. I hissed in satisfaction. No underwear again; Edward was really loosening up, now that we were sleeping together regularly. I shifted up again, sliding myself up the length of him, peeling my wet skirt away from my thighs and bunching it up higher to keep it out of the way.

"Nooo…" he moaned, bucking his hips up into me, his head thrashing back and forth in denial as he pushed at me with his hands. Snatching at his wrists, I pulled his hands away from my shoulders and pinned his arms to the earth on either side of his shoulders, preparing to lower myself on to him as he struggled beneath me.

Suddenly, he stopped fighting and just lay there, looking me straight into the eyes. "This is rape, Bella," he whispered.

I will never know why it was that those words got through to me and registered. Perhaps it was because he spoke them quietly and seriously, where all the struggling and protesting had done nothing. In any case, they had the effect of a bucket of ice water thrown into my face. I froze and focused on his face, finally hearing in my memory everything he had said while I was attempting to ravage him, and in a split second had jumped to my feet and was looking down at him in horror.

The image of Edward lying on the forest floor, smudged with dirt and with dead leaves and twigs tangled in his hair, would be forever burned in my memory. I might be able to ignore it for a time, but it would always be there in the background, yet another mortifying moment for me to relive again and again. I stared down at him in absolute horror, disgusted by what I saw, by what I had done to the man I loved more than life. I was bombarded by images from my human life, things I had accidentally seen as the daughter of a police officer flashing in my mind. Lying on his back, his hands thrown up beside his head, muddied shirt ripped open and pulled off his shoulders, jeans pushed down, bare from the thighs up, he looked so much like a victim of sexual abuse - _rape…don't use a fancy euphemism, it's rape, just own it_ – only it was all wrong, because he was a man.

Edward only lay there for a second, before planting his feet on the ground and lifting his hips, pulling his jeans back up with a hiss. He hopped quickly to his feet, buttoning himself up. He looked at me then, and I must have been wearing an awful expression, because shock flooded his face. "Bella…" he croaked, reaching out a hand to me and taking a step in my direction.

It was all I heard. The moment he moved toward me, I was running before I even made a conscious decision to do so, my throat and eyes burning with the need to cry. It took several long seconds for me to notice there were no sounds of pursuit, and I slowed, finally coming to a stop, sobbing. What had I done? What on _earth_ had possessed me? How could I have misunderstood the situation so thoroughly? I sank slowly to my knees and dropped to the ground, rolling over on to my back. I closed my eyes and as my harsh gasps abated, listened to the saturated earth squelching wetly as it settled slowly under the weight of my body. Sometime during the last few minutes, the rain had stopped again. The forest was alive with the sound of water, and the loud, steady splat of raindrops hitting the ground near me was oddly relaxing.

I hadn't been lying there for very long when I realized I should be heading home. The family would be very worried; it surprised me that they weren't already searching for me. Jumping to my feet, I arranged the sodden folds of my skirt around me, wrung out my hair and tossed it behind me, and ran home as fast as possible, slowing as I neared the house. Through the thinning tree line, I saw the family assembled on the terrace. They were all slightly damp, with the exception of Rosalie, who was standing just inside the French doors, out of the rain.

Everyone turned to me as I stepped out into the open, a sound of relief coming from Edward when he saw me. I studiously avoided looking at him, my eyes inextricably drawn to Jasper, who was leaning against the house with his thumbs hooked in the pockets of his jeans, watching my like a hawk. When I approached, he peeled his shoulders away from the wall and tensed slightly, his hands falling loosely to his sides, and turned toward me. He didn't need to say a word; the look in his eyes was enough. I dropped my shield and waited patiently while he assessed my emotional state. He winced but stayed silent. When he had satisfied himself that I wasn't going to flip out on him, he nodded and I drew my shield back around myself. These were feelings I didn't want to experience at all, let alone in front of an audience, even if it was only Jasper.

"Bella…"

I flinched at the sound of Edward's voice, steeling myself against what he might say next. When he didn't speak again, I looked up at Jasper who was staring in his direction wordlessly, clearly having some kind of mental discussion with him. I had no idea of Edward's state of mind, and was afraid of finding out. I was too mortified.

The next minute was quite ridiculous. Everybody was focused on me, waiting to see what I would do next. I was waiting too, because I had absolutely no idea how to act or what to say. I needed to talk to someone, that much was certain, but I didn't know who. I could not talk to any of the men, that's for sure. That left Alice, Esme, and…

"Bella…" Edward spoke again, and his pleading voice unlocked me.

I bolted straight for Rosalie, crashing into her and clinging to her as if my life depended on it, past wondering why the one person I had chosen to go to for help was the one who liked me the least. She stiffened slightly at first, and then her arms went around me. "Jesus, Bella, you're soaked," She pushed me away, holding me at arms length, "and filthy. Come on, let's go get you out of those rags."

Esme appeared at my side with a couple of fluffy towels and a pair of flip-flops. "Dry yourself as best you can, and put those on. I don't want you tracking dirt into the house. You have half the forest stuck to your feet, honey," she said reproachfully, vigorously toweling the excess water out of my dripping hair.

I dried myself and my clothes enough to not drip a trail through the house, brushed the excess dirt off my feet and pushed them into the flip-flops, and allowed Rosalie to lead me wherever we were going. To my surprise, she led me straight to her room and through to her _en suite_ bathroom. I watched in surprise as she started running me a bath, pouring a generous amount of foaming bath oil under the running water.

"This is a safe haven, Bella," she said, replacing the bottle of oil on the ledge. "You can stay in here and in my room as long as you want. You won't have to face Edward until you are ready." Taking a couple of towels out of the cabinet, she placed them on the sink.

"You know what happened," I said flatly, watching her for her reaction. What was I thinking, coming to Rosalie for help? She had experienced rape first hand. What must she think of me?

There was no judgment in her stunning face when she turned to face me. "More or less. Now get in, I'll be back later if you need to talk."

She left the room, closing the door behind her. I peeled off my filthy clothes and climbed into the hot water, sinking beneath the bubbles with a contented hum. I relaxed in the tub until the water had cooled beyond the point where it was pleasant, and then slowly washed my hair and body, delaying having to go out and face my family for as long as possible. When I had done all I possibly could to delay leaving, I finally wrapped myself in a large towel and left the bathroom, just as Rose came into her bedroom with something for me to wear. She wordlessly handed me the pile of folded clothes, and went to sit down at her vanity. I ducked back into the bathroom and dressed in the tank top and yoga pants she had brought me. Once I was dressed, I left the bathroom again, hovering nervously just inside her bedroom, unsure of what to do next. I didn't want to leave the room, not ready to face Edward just yet. While I was standing there, I took a good look around.

I had never been in Rosalie's room. It was breathtaking. Light and airy, it was very reminiscent of Rebecca's room in the Hitchcock adaptation of one of my favorite books. Unlike Rebecca's room though, this one looked elegantly and incongruously occupied. There was an opulent silk robe draped over the divan, its hem pooling on the floor, and a pair of oil-stained denim dungarees lay in a rumpled pile next to it on the creamy carpet. There was a socket wrench resting on the vanity next to a silver-backed hairbrush. I could not repress a smile at the sight.

My eyes were drawn to the stack of books on the nightstand. I moved a little closer to see what Rosalie was currently reading and was surprised; Gibran, _The Mathematical Experience_, and on top, a very luridly colored paperback. I reached for it and turned it over, glancing at the title, and rolled my eyes. _Captive_. If the title wasn't enough, the cover, with its unrealistically beautiful couple locked in a permanently frozen struggle, told me everything I needed to know.

"This is a strange combination of books to be reading," I commented, setting the romance novel aside and picking up the math book.

Rosalie discarded the tissue she had been using to wipe cleansing cream off her face and glanced at the books. "I am only reading _The Prophet _and the math book right now. Emmett's reading the bodice ripper," she said nonchalantly, pulling another tissue out of the dispenser.

My jaw dropped, and I reached for it again. "Emmett is reading this!?" I took a closer look at the cover art. An improbably handsome pirate with an absurdly bouffant shirt, painted on breeches and ridiculously theatrical knee-high boots was holding on to a 'wench' with long dark hair wearing a barely adequate chemise which seemed to be hanging only by her very erect nipples. Why did the women on the covers of these books always seem to have a faint look of distaste on their faces, anyway?

She focused on her reflection in the mirror again. "Mmm hmm." Her reply was muffled by the tissue she was wiping across her lips, seeking out the last of the cleanser.

"I didn't figure him for the type," I murmured, thoroughly nonplussed, flipping the book over to read the blurb on the back cover.

"He's not," Rosalie said, turning to me. "He's reading it because he wants to get to know me better." I must have looked confused because she elaborated. "Once in a great while, I go through a romance novel phase. I wade through a lot of junk, but occasionally, I find one that I like for some reason. I keep those, and that is one of them. Emmett can't imagine why I would enjoy something like that when I have him, so he's reading them to try and figure me out."

I raised my eyebrows and smiled. "Oh my goodness, that is really sweet!"

Rosalie's face softened. "Yes…it is," she sighed dreamily, reaching for her hairbrush. Her eyes were out of focus; she was clearly thinking of Emmett, and I was staggered by the love in her face and how vulnerable it made her look.

I watched her as she drew the brush languidly through her golden hair, suddenly distracted by the way her thick springy curls bounced back when the brush had passed through them. Standing, I walked over to her, seating myself next to her on the roomy bench.

The light of the setting sun broke through the clouds, washing her river of hair in red gold. _Shiny_…Unaware of anything else, and still young enough to be fascinated and distracted by all the things I could now see with my enhanced vision, I picked up one molten curl, twining it around my finger, and watched the lights dance fluidly in its copper depths. It, like her skin, seemed to glitter, but with a far less aggressive fire.

"Would you?" she asked, holding out the brush to me. Slightly dazed, I looked at it and then her, and took it. She turned her back to me, and we were both straddling the bench. As I brushed her hair, that warm feeling of family flooded me again; I was sharing a moment with my distant older sister, reverently brushing her glossy hair. I turned my head for a moment, looking into the mirror and caught my breath at the sight of us. Rosalie was facing the setting sun, and her profile was visible in the mirror, gilded in blazing light. Sitting in her shadow, I was dimmed, glowing too, but with a far more muted fire. It was a very symbolic image.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

I looked at her reflection in the mirror. She had turned her face to the mirror too, and was looking back at me with eyes stained peach by the sunset. I dropped my gaze to the table top, toying with the bottles and jars arranged neatly on the surface, unsure as to how to start. I examined a crystal bottle labeled in beautiful calligraphy and removed its stopper, inhaling the delicate, absolutely heavenly fragrance.

"Emmett had it specially made for me. It is supposed to mimic what I smell like to him," Rosalie offered, still observing me in the reflection of the mirror. I leaned slightly toward her, inhaling her, finding definite similarities between her scent and the one Emmett had created for her. He had a very good nose apparently; the perfume complemented her perfectly. He had simply named it _Rosalie_.

I replaced the stopper and set the vial carefully back in its place, reaching for a jar containing a very fine bisque powder.

"When Alice plays dress-up with you, does she actually show you how to apply the make-up she puts on you, or does she just slap it on?"

"She just puts it on me," I replied absently, replacing the jar and running my fingers lightly over the bristles of her make-up brushes.

"That's something you are going to have to learn to do yourself, if you ever want to blend in with humans. It isn't like making up a human face." She shifted, lifting a leg over the bench until she was facing me, our knees touching. "I prefer powder myself," she said, selecting a jar of pale powder and a fat brush. "Mineral powders need to be reapplied more often since we don't have natural skin oils that help it adhere to our skin, but liquid or cream foundations feel unpleasantly mask-like, at least to me. Now watch what I am doing." She unscrewed the lid, dipped the tips of the bristles into the powder, swirled the brush on the inside of the lid and tapped off the excess. With sweeping, circular motions she buffed the powder onto my skin. "Don't go more than a shade darker than your skin tone. Anything more will look unnatural." Next, she reached for another jar containing a terracotta powder. She repeated her actions with the brush before turning my face back toward her with a finger to my chin. "This will give your skin some warmth," she continued, lightly dusting the brush over my forehead, nose, cheekbones and chin.

When she was done she gestured for me to look in the mirror. My skin, though still very pale, had a slightly warmer, more human tinge to it now. "All you need now is a bit of blush, and you'll look far more human." She followed her words with a sweep of rosy powder from a third, smaller jar to my cheeks, and I looked almost normal; a slightly inhuman normal, but no longer that otherworldly white. I looked back at her as she rummaged through one of the drawers, pulling out a cellophane wrapped make-up bag. Slipping in the items she had just used on me, she handed me the bag with a gruff "Here. You can have these. Practice with them."

There was a lump in my throat as I reached for the bag, holding it almost reverently, slightly awed that Rosalie would not only take the time to teach me something, but that she would give me an unexpected gift as well. The whole day had been slightly surreal. The fact that Rosalie had stepped in and taken care of me, bringing me to her sanctuary and letting my stay there as I tried to come to grips with what I had almost done to Edward meant I owed her an explanation, at the very least.

"How much do you already know?" I asked her warily.

She knew exactly what I was referring to. "Everything, from Edward's point of view anyway," she replied. "I'd like to hear your side. He says you got rough and he accused you of trying to rape him."

I winced at her bluntness, but that very bluntness is why I turned to her over this in the first place. If anyone was going to give it to me straight, it was Rosalie. The fact that she was the victim of rape herself made her the best person to pass judgment on me.

She looked at me. "Surely you aren't naive enough to think that what you did was attempted rape," she said a little sharply.

That annoyed me. "Let's see...I used my superior strength to overpower him, and tried to have sex with him against his will. He said no repeatedly, Rosalie. He tried to fight me off. I didn't stop. Sounds like attempted rape to me."

She snorted impatiently. "Bella, I don't need to have been there to tell you that what went on between the two of you had nothing to do with rape. You got frisky, you got carried away, Edward couldn't control the situation the way he usually does, so he said something stupid to stop you..."

I set the make-up bag on the vanity and rose to my feet suddenly. "You've got to be kidding me! You can't seriously blame all of this on Edward!" Maybe her history with Edward made her the wrong person to talk to after all.

"Don't be silly," she snapped, reaching for me and pulling me back down. "You're both equally to blame in this. It was bound to happen. In fact, I am surprised it didn't happen sooner."

I gave her a questioning look.

"Your dominance and submission games," she clarified.

"What?" I squeaked, almost jumping up again. "What do you mean?"

She sighed. "You dominate Edward sexually," she explained patiently. "You know, pin him down, have your wicked way with him...you dominate him. He submits to you. For now, anyway. Your sex life is going to get real interesting when you lose your strength," she added as an afterthought, grinning knowingly at me.

I was mortified. I figured that the fact that Edward and I had sex was glaringly obvious - it was hard to miss anyone having sex when you were a vampire - but I didn't know the _details_ of our encounters were public knowledge. I must have looked like a deer trapped in the headlights, because Rosalie smiled again.

"Do you guys have a safeword?"

"A wh…what?" I stammered, feeling like the whole conversation was getting away from me.

"A word Edward can use if he wants you to stop whatever it is you're doing to him."

I did a perfect imitation of a goldfish.

"I'll take that as a no. Then let me ask you this. How would Edward tell you if he wanted you to stop?"

My mouth opened and closed as I tried to come up with something to say, but I had nothing. Clearly, there was a lot Edward and I hadn't considered, which made sense. When it came to practical experience, we were both equally naïve and inexperienced. Edward may have been witness to a lot, what with his mind-reading abilities and living with three couples, but he had no experience being in a relationship himself, and certainly not with a newborn who was infinitely stronger than he was.

"If you are not going to have a safeword, then 'no' has to mean 'no'," Rosalie continued when I said nothing.

I ducked my head, allowing my hair to partially shield my mortified face. "But…he has said no before and didn't mean it…" I said, confused and getting upset about it.

"Hence the need for some way for Edward and you to tell each other when you want the other to stop," she said gently, sweeping the hair out of my face and over my shoulders. "Now why don't you go out there and talk to him? The poor sap is waiting for you."

"No!" I yelped, standing up. "Not yet. I am too embarrassed." I flopped onto her bed on my back, covering my face with my hands and groaning. "I don't think I will ever be able to face him," I moaned.

"My God, Bella, you and Edward are such drama queens!" she huffed impatiently. "I can't believe you have both made it this far together. You are as bad as he is with the endless guilt! He is wallowing out there, you are wallowing in here…get together and talk about it already!"

"I will, I will…just…not yet. I need to…I want to…" I stuttered.

"Oh, for the love of lipstick," Rosalie muttered, "hide out in here for now if you must. You are going to have to face him eventually, you know, if only when you leave this room. I'll not have you in here indefinitely." With those words, she left the room, shutting the door with a bang behind her, leaving me to my own devices.

Not surprisingly, I wasn't left alone for long. I had just settled on the bed to read one of Rosalie's books when Emmett came crashing through the door, startling me.

"Bellaaaah!" he wailed.

That's it. I was going to obliterate his copy of _Streetcar Named Desire_. "Jackass," I replied in greeting, looking up with a smile.

He threw himself into the air, landing flat next to me on the bed, his weight bouncing me about a foot into the air. I gave an annoyed hiss as I landed back on the mattress in an undignified sprawl. Emmett propped himself up, reached for a handful of the front of my shirt, and hauled me back up against the pillows with one hand.

"Are you ever going to talk to Copper-top again? He's absolutely miserable over this."

His copy of _The Matrix _was next on my hit list. "Of course I am, Em. Just not yet. I'm too humiliated." I buried my nose back into Rose's book to stave off any further discussion on the subject. I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Emmett lifted himself onto one elbow and reached across me to pick up the romance novel. Piling some of Rosalie's pillows behind him and punching them into position, he settled back, thumbing quickly through the book until he found his place and started reading. I watched him discretely, almost giggling at the sight of big burly Emmett reading that garish, girly book.

We read in companionable silence for several hours before Emmet suddenly closed the book with a snap. "Well, that's three hours of my life I'll never get back," he said.

"Like you can't afford to lose a few hours," I muttered. "So, how was it?" I indicated the book he had tossed on the bed between us.

He shrugged. "Honestly, I don't get it."

"What don't you get?" I said, shutting my own book and turning to look at him. "Maybe I can help. You know, give you a woman's insight. Not that I've read that many of those types of books. They get boring after a while, because they're all pretty much the same."

"Well, for one, the pirate captain threatens to punish the girl if she runs away, which of course she does, so as punishment he proceeds to seduce her and fuck her brains out. I mean tell me, how is giving a girl who is already in love with you the orgasm of a lifetime punishment?"

"Sorry, can't help you there," I replied, grinning. "I have never quite understood that aspect of romance novels either."

"Well, enough of that," he said, jumping off the bed and holding out his hand to me. "Time to be an adult, and talk to your mate. Come on."

I eyed his hand and then him balefully. "No. Not yet," I muttered.

He sighed. "Bella…"

"No," I interrupted with conviction, stubbornly crossing my arms over my chest.

Emmett observed me pensively for a moment. "Rose," he said finally, a little louder than his regular speaking voice.

"Calling for reinforcements, Em?" I teased him.

"Damn straight, little girl. I'm breaking out the heavy artillery. You have been hiding in here long enough. It's time to face him. It's not fair to let him stew like that. One way or the other, you are going to be going through that door in the next few minutes."

Moments later, Rosalie walked into the room.

"So, what, you're both going to physically drag me out of here?"

"Only if you don't get your ass out there under your own steam," she replied, moving around to the side of the bed I was lying on. "So, what's it to be?" She put her hands on her hips and waited, looking down at me with one eyebrow raised.

"You said I could stay here as long as I wanted," I muttered, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.

"I changed my mind," she said. "Now, up. And don't even _think_ about making a run for it, either."

I bit back my own smile, because that was _exactly_ what I was thinking about. Not seriously, of course, but the thought of making a mad dash for the window had crossed my mind.

* * *

I still wasn't ready, but I probably would never be, and it wasn't fair to let Edward stew a minute longer. So, at Rose and Emmett's firm and insistent urging, I left the room to finally face him. He was standing at the end of the hallway with his legs shoulder width apart, his arms crossed over his chest, motionlessly waiting for me, as he apparently had been since shortly after I'd disappeared into Rosalie's room. When he saw me emerge, he dropped his arms to his side, taking a step toward me, looking both lost and hopeful at the same time.

I came to a standstill and froze. Time ground to a halt, and the world around me faded.

This is where one of the positive aspects of being a vampire came into play. 'Enhanced emotions' didn't just apply to the negative ones. While I had been wallowing in guilt and embarrassment over what I had done, I had completely forgotten how deeply I loved Edward, and how much more than this I owed him. Instead of childishly hiding and nursing my wounded pride, I should have tackled the problem head on. I should never have gone to Rosalie; I should have gone straight to _him_. My mate. I looked at him, wearing all his feelings for me on his face, and all the love and passion I felt for him came surging back, utterly obliterating the petty emotions I felt over what had happened. Every single one of the others would have gone straight to their mates to work out their problems. Only _I_ ran from mine, hurting the love of my life in the process.

We simply stood, staring into each others' eyes for an endless moment. I couldn't read his thoughts, but I could more or less guess at them from the expressions flitting across his face, some of them in response to what he saw on mine. Hurt, confusion, anger, guilt, relief and above all, profound and abiding love.

I felt like a heel for having let him stew for hours while I came to grips with my stupidity, and flew into his arms. "I'm so sorry," I mumbled into his chest, as he folded his arms around me. "Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, Bella," he murmured gratefully into my hair, the relief clear in his voice.

His endlessly forgiving nature when it came to my mistakes angered me suddenly. "Yes, there is!" I snapped, looking up at his soft amber eyes. "I..." I couldn't say the word. "I took advantage of you. I..."

He put a hand to my face, gently caressing my cheek with his thumb. "You got carried away by the moment, Bella. That's all. You are young and easily distracted, and I didn't take that into consideration. I'm the one who should ask for forgiveness. I should never have said what I did. I brought you out there with the intention of talking to you about something, and just wanted to get you to stop so I could have my say. It was an incredibly hurtful, stupid thing for me to do."

"But I should have come to you, Edward. I'm sorry I ignored you and went to Rosalie. I couldn't see past my shame, and just wanted to hide. I should have trusted you and spoken to _you_. I definitely need your forgiveness for that."

"You don't, Bella, but you have it anyway. I forgive you," he said gently.

Absolved by him, I leaned into his hand, feeling almost lightheaded with relief. "Can we start over?" I asked softly, reaching up and tracing the smooth line of his jaw with the tips of my fingers. "Can we go back to where we were before this happened? Will you go for a walk with me, Edward?"

He nodded, smiling gratefully. "It would be my pleasure, love," he whispered, dipping his head to kiss me softly on the forehead and then the nose. Draping his arm around my shoulders, he walked me into my room. He opened the window, hopped up onto the ledge and held out his hand to me, helping me up beside him, more out of habit or politeness and good breeding than because I needed it. We dropped to the ground below and wandered off into the trees together, hand in hand.

"So...what did you want to talk to me about?" I prompted him gently as we strolled through the malachite darkness of the night-time forest.

I watched his profile as I waited for his reply. He said nothing for a while, finally stopping and turning to me, tucking his hands into his back pockets. "I wanted to talk to you about marriage," he said uncertainly, "and I wanted privacy to do it."**  
**  
My heart sank, and my eyes slid from his face. I thought I had dodged that particular bullet when he went and kidnapped me. Our agreement was pretty much null and void as a result, even though he _had_ given me my first sexual experience while I was still human. My mouth opened and closed as I tried to come up with something to say, but my mind was frozen in fear and indecision. I was completely unprepared for this conversation, as my views on marriage remained essentially unchanged. I didn't see the necessity as a human, and I saw it even less as a vampire. Our marriage would become null and void when we changed identities anyway, so why go through with the charade?

He turned to face me, and I saw the hope bleed out of his face, to be replaced with a blank expression. I didn't need to be Jasper to know that underneath his facade, he was hurt by my indecision. It told him everything he needed to know.

"Edward, you know I love you more than life, more than anything, right?" I whispered, reaching for his hand and clasping it to my heart with both of mine. This time he didn't conceal his hurt, immediately assuming the worst. "Don't jump to conclusions," I continued quickly. "I just want to suggest we table this discussion until I am past all this newborn drama. I don't think I can talk about this right now. But I swear to you, once I am past the worst, we will have a lengthy discussion about this. I promise you I will keep an open mind, and take your opinion and your desires into consideration."

I could see how much he wanted to argue, how desperately he wanted to press the issue. I wasn't sure if he saw the sense in what I was saying, though, and wondered if he thought I was stalling. The old Edward might have pushed, and the old me would have refrained from voicing my thoughts, afraid of upsetting the apple cart.

"This isn't a stalling tactic, Edward," I reassured him. "You've seen first hand how emotionally overwrought I can get right now. If we have this discussion now, it could get ugly, and I am pretty sure my answer would still be no. You deserve better than an outright refusal. This is a subject that deserves serious thought, and I feel I need to be emotionally stable for it. You can understand that, can't you?"

He gave me a resigned nod and started walking again. I could tell he was still deeply saddened by my refusal. I followed behind him until we came to a grassy clearing in the trees, and then reached for his arm to stop him. "Let's lie down and look at the stars, ok?" I spoke softly, pulling him down to the damp grass. The rain had moved on and the clear black sky was studded with stars throbbing with color. We lay on our backs with our shoulders and heads touching, talking softly about safe subjects and seeing who could spot the most satellites flying across the star-spangled void.

As pleasant as it was to lie there quietly, I still felt like I needed to address what had transpired between us. I needed to apologize again for leaving him.

Rosalie had helped me see that Edward and I needed to talk about our sexual relationship more. Still, I couldn't bring myself to discuss the matter of a safeword yet. Having a safeword seemed too staged to me. I would rather take 'no' for an answer from now on than talk about safewords with Edward. Call me a prude, but I just couldn't. Maybe when I had lost some of my inhibitions – which were fast falling by the wayside, but not fast enough – I would feel more comfortable broaching a subject like that one. I would rather not dominate Edward again than start a discussion on that subject.

I turned onto my side and nuzzled into him, resting my head on my arm, my forehead touching his temple and my nose grazing his cheek. "I'm not going to use my strength against you anymore," I whispered evasively, knowing he would understand what I meant. He shifted onto his side as well, until we were almost nose to nose.

"I am sorry to hear that," he whispered back.

Surprised, I pulled my head back to get a better look at him. "You are?"

He nodded, smirking. "I like it. It's sexy." His face grew serious again. "Besides, revenge will be sweet," he murmured menacingly, his eyes darkening. Whatever I had been about to say came out as a squeak, and I thought I might climax right then. The only thing more arousing than dominating Edward was being dominated by him.

I very deliberately rolled over onto my back, stretching seductively. "Would you like to take your revenge now?" I offered, my voice husky with desire. "I promise I won't fight you. You can do anything you want to me."

The words had barely left my mouth before Edward was looming over me, a dark shape highlighted in iridescent starlight, blocking out most of the sky and trapping me between his arms. He nudged my legs apart, and I obligingly spread them, bending them at the knees as he settled himself between my thighs. "Anything?" he said dangerously, thrusting once, hard, against me, sending shockwaves rippling through my body. "You are giving me _carte blanche_?" His voice deepened impossibly further, and I could almost feel it vibrating against my skin, a physical caress.

I whimpered, arching up toward him, my hands fisting in the grass above my head. "Yes…_carte blanche_…anything," I breathed unsteadily. "_Please_…"

He rose to his knees, shifting so they were on either side of my hips, and started unbuckling his belt, pulling it completely free of the loops of his jeans. "Well hold on tight Isabella, because I am going to take you for one hell of a ride…"

* * *

Well, payback _was_ a bitch.

We had come full circle, and it was my turn to lie sprawled on the ground, right where I had collapsed after Edward was finally done with me. I lay on my stomach, naked and dirty, gagged with my own panties and tank top, my hands bound behind my back with his belt. This was only a symbolic gesture, obviously; a belt wouldn't have held the weakest of vampires, let alone a newborn like me. Edward had further spiced things up by threatening to immediately cease all activities and not touch me or let me touch him for a full week should I accidentally break free. It had taken me an incredible amount of control _not_ to tear the belt, which could have come apart like gossamer without my even noticing it.

Once he had me 'immobilized', he started in on the sensory torture, his voice soft and threatening as he informed me that my skin was the largest erogenous zone on my body. My pleading cries were muffled by the cloth in my mouth as he used anything and everything he could get his hands on to stimulate my skin. Twigs, vegetation, a feather…nothing was off limits, and everything he did aroused me almost beyond bearable levels. And that was before he even touched me between my thighs. He tortured me for ages before finally entering me in one forceful thrust, and then tortured me for ages more as he turned and bent me this way and that, never withdrawing, but never allowing me to fall over the edge and climax either. When he finally did let me come, on my knees, with my face and chest pressed into the earth, I was sobbing, hoarse from screaming.

Edward freed my hands and I rolled over onto my back to find him standing over me, buckling his belt, outlined by the indigo pre-dawn sky. He was wearing a very self-satisfied smirk.

"One down," he said cryptically.

Frowning, I reached for the tank top tied over my mouth, asking with my eyes for permission to remove it. Pleased that I would seek his approval, he nodded. I pushed the tank top over my head and pulled my venom-dampened panties out of my mouth.

"One down?" I queried, sitting up and looking around for my pants.

He squatted on his haunches and tipped my face up to his, getting my attention and looking me squarely in the eyes. "An eye for an eye, Bella," he said seriously, a dark promise in his voice. "For every single time you used your superior strength to torture and tease me, you owe me an encounter like the one you just had. Enjoy your strength while it lasts, sweetheart, because the minute you lose it, I am going to start collecting."

With a whimper, I dropped back to the ground and climaxed. Again.


	4. Rosalie

I am earning my M rating in this chapter. For some reason, I find that Emmett and Rosalie lend themselves to more explicit lemons, and more colorful language. Also, bear in mind that I don't know anything about cars. Thank goodness for the internet and 19 year old guys who love all things automotive...

* * *

**Rosalie**:

Emmett was looking bemused. "So...this is a Caterham Superlight R500..."

"Series 3," I patiently finished for him. "In Viper Blue," I added, reaching blindly for the socket wrench and missing, my fingers knocking it off its resting place. It clanked to the ground, skidding under the car with a metallic skitter.

"Damn," I muttered under my breath, straightening up. Putting my hand under the front end of the car, I lifted it easily and pivoted it a couple of feet to the side. "Could you grab that for me, babe?"

Emmett obligingly came forward, picked up the now exposed wrench, and handed it to me, returning to his spot by the wall. His 'spot' generally being directly in front of me, so he could watch my breasts sway as I tightened a bolt or something, or directly behind me, so he could leer at my ass while I was bent over the engine of my latest toy. My latest toy in this case was a British race-car. I'd had the body delivered from England, and had built the rest from scratch. I was putting the finishing touches to the engine today, and couldn't wait to take this baby out on the road the minute she was ready.

"How fast does it go again?" he asked. For the hundredth time since I started on this project.

I pulled my head out from under the hood and turned to look at him with a frown. "Are you kidding me? How many times do I have to go over this? It's not like you could have possibly forgotten after the first time I told you."

He flashed me an engaging grin from his perch on the workbench. "Come on, Rose," he wheedled hopefully. "You know I love it when you talk car. It's incredibly hot."

Yes, I knew. He loved watching me work on cars, he loved fucking me on cars, he loved taking pictures of me draped over cars...any combination of me and vehicles turned Emmett on. His love for me combined with all things automotive was the only reason I was currently wearing bib overalls with nothing underneath. The front flap _barely_ covered my nipples, and that was only if I was standing completely still. If he had his way, my hair would be unbound too, but that made working on cars difficult. So he had to be content with his second choice; my hair in a messy bun with tendrils escaping around my face and neck. The things we did for love.

I sighed and bent over again, arching my back and pushing my backside into greater prominence and got back to work, reciting the car's specs like I was having phone sex with him.

"The R500 weighs 506 kilograms and produces 263 brake horsepower with a heaving 177 pounds per foot of torque transmitted to the rear wheels," I recited in a breathy voice. "The Series 3 chassis flagship model blasts out 520bhp per ton and is capable of propelling itself from 0 to 60 miles per hour in 2.88 seconds, and has a top speed of 155 miles per hour."

I heard the whisper of fabric behind me and snuck a peek at Emmett from underneath my arm. He was shifting uncomfortably, tugging at the front of his jeans and biting his lip, his eyes glued to my denim covered rear. Smirking, I continued. "The performance of the R500 is controlled by race developed Avon CR500 tires and a suspension set up that includes weight reducing aero wishbones and fully adjustable dampers..." My description of the car's best features was interrupted when his hands fastened themselves around my hips and I yelped in surprise, not having heard him approach. He ground his crotch suggestively against me, rocking me forward slightly.

"Not now, Emmett," I admonished him sternly, reaching behind me to swat blindly in his general direction. "I'm working."

"Aw, come on Rosie, baby," he pleaded, running his big hands to my waist and along my ribcage, slipping them inside the bib of my overalls. Cupping by breasts, he thumbed my nipples roughly. "I want you, now. Like this," he rasped, punctuating the last word with a hard thrust.

I bit my lip, ignoring the heat blooming between my legs with difficulty, and pulled his hands off me in a burst of impatience. "You can have me later, like this," I snapped. "I'm busy right now."

He completely ignored me, his hands returning immediately, like magnets to their opposite pole, one of them sliding down my stomach and heading south to the Promised Land. "Emmett," I said weakly, tugging at his encroaching arm. "What part of 'I'm busy' don't you understand?" I didn't sound remotely convincing, and knew it was probably only a matter of time before I gave in. Especially if he went all caveman on me, which, given the level and persistency of his groping, seemed to be the direction we were heading in. My will to resist was rapidly being eroded, which was really starting to piss me off.

Fortunately for my sanity (and Emmett's family jewels), a sudden commotion from outside distracted us. "_Edward! __Don't go after her_!" we heard Alice cry out urgently.

I turned in Emmett's arms and we looked at each other. "Something must be up with Bella," he said, concern lacing his voice. He let me go immediately and headed quickly for the door.

"When _isn't_ something up with Bella," I sniped under my breath, turning back to the car and sticking my head under the hood again. "Bella, Bella, Bella. It's always about Bella."

"You coming, babe?" Emmett called from inside the house when I didn't follow.

With an exasperated snort, I stuck the wrench into my pocket, pulled on a sweatshirt, and followed the sounds of voices to see what all the fuss was about _this time_.

The family, minus Bella, was gathered outside on the terrace surrounding a very distraught Edward. Apparently, Bella had gotten a little too aggressively hands-on with him, and he had tightened up like a virgin at a frat party and tried to fight her off. Like he wasn't totally turned on. What a drama queen. I rolled my eyes and was preparing to get back to my car when his last words suddenly registered.

"...accused her of raping me," he moaned, dropping his head into his hands.

I froze.

_Oh no, he didn't_.

Vibrating with anger I spun around, marched right back toward the terrace, out the doors, and straight for my brother.

"You did _what_?" I hissed icily, coming to a stop right in front of him, a little closer than was strictly polite.

"Easy, Rose," Emmett murmured, appearing beside me and putting a steadying hand on my arm.

I shrugged him off, unwilling to be placated. "No. I want to know where a _man_ gets off telling _the love of his life_, his mate, that she's raping him. Christ, Edward, how could you?" He flinched as if I had struck him, but I just plowed on. "And where is she, anyway?"

"She ran off," Emmett supplied helpfully. "Alice saw that if Edward chased after her she would have tried to escape him, which would have ended in disaster. But if no one went after her, she would come to her senses quickly on her own and come back of her own volition." He smiled and shrugged, scratching his stomach absently. "Cliff's Notes version," he added.

"She's already on her way back," Alice piped up cheerfully, unfazed by all the drama going on around her. She sat perched on the table, swinging her legs and looking carefree, like she knew how it was all going to end. Which, come to think of it, was probably the case.

"Good. Then nobody needs me here anymore." I turned on my heels and headed back inside, eager to get back to that beautiful 2 liter Ford Duratec engine. Not surprisingly, I barely made it through the doors before Alice stopped me.

"Rosalie, wait," she said, hopping off the table.

I made a face and turned around again. I'd never be finished before sundown at this rate. "What?" I snapped.

She gave me a pointed look that I couldn't be bothered to try to and decipher. "Just…wait," was all she said.

On the verge of losing my temper, I caught sight of Bella hovering just within the tree line at the edge of our lawn, looking stricken. An unexpected surge of sympathy for her welled up inside me and gave I Edward a dirty look, which he didn't notice, because the world beyond Bella had ceased to exist in that moment. Bella, however, seemed to be avoiding looking at him, even going so far as to flinch when he spoke her name.

The next moment was fraught with…nothing. We all stood around like idiots until finally Edward, unable to resist, spoke her name again, the pleading note in his voice painfully clear. To my horror, she shot toward me like she'd been fired out of a cannon, throwing her arms around me and squeezing me almost to the point of discomfort.

_What the hell_?

I stood there stiffly for a moment, and then tentatively put my arms around her, patting her clumsily. She was shivering intermittently, clearly traumatized, and my empathy for her increased. I remembered only too well what it was like to be a newborn, when even the most insignificant of things could be blown out of all emotional proportion, and tried to keep that in mind as I dealt with her.

"Jesus, Bella, you're soaked," I muttered, pushing her away and looking her up and down. "And filthy," I added, coming to a sudden decision. "Come on, let's go get you out of those rags."

"Dry yourself as best you can, and put those on," Esme said, dropping a pair of flip flops at her feet and handing her a towel, using another one to dry her hair. "I don't want you tracking dirt into the house. You have half the forest stuck to your feet, honey," she chided her.

When Bella had cleaned herself up a little, I led her to my bedroom and through to the bathroom. For some unknown reason, she had come to me; the least I could do was provide her with a safe haven on neutral territory, somewhere she could pull herself together until she was ready to face Edward again. She stood, looking lost, the confusion and misery still clear on her face while I ran her a bath in the huge tub.

Due to our heightened sense of smell, bath products could be problematic for us. Even unscented products smelled of the ingredients they were made from, so I created my own blends by adding a drop or two of essential oils. This resulted in a pleasantly scented product that was better suited to us than those overpowering commercial ones. My favorite scents were rose or jasmine. For Bella, though, something calming was in order, so I reached for the crystal decanter containing foaming bath oil blended with lavender and freshened by a tiny bit of orange blossom. I poured a small amount under the running water, enveloping the both of us in a pleasantly scented steam.

"This is a safe haven, Bella," I said, replacing the bottle on the ledge. "You can stay in here and in my room as long as you want. You won't have to face Edward until you are ready." Taking a couple of towels out of the cabinet, I placed them on the sink for her.

"You know what happened," she said dully.

I turned to face her. She was just standing there, looking positively haggard and making no move to undress. "More or less," I replied noncommittally. "Now get in, I will be back later if you need to talk." Relieved to be escaping her aura of misery, I closed the bathroom door behind me, leaning against it for a moment, lost in thought.

Part of me was annoyed for letting myself be drawn into the maelstrom that was Edward and Bella. But I now recognized that my maternal instincts had been awakened when she clung to me, and I was simply not capable of denying her my comfort and help. But were my motivations rooted solely in a desire to help her, or were they driven in part by a need to lash out at Edward for his long ago rejection of me? Sure, he'd been an ass in his handling of Bella, but that wasn't exactly unusual for my moody brother. Why was my reaction different this time?

The thought that my lingering resentment toward him might have played a part in my stepping in to take care of Bella was unsettling, but I quickly discarded it, not willing to question myself. I wasn't usually prone to self-analysis. More often than not, it ended up with me acknowledging that I was more flawed than I generally cared to admit. I knew I was far from perfect, but didn't like admitting it to myself.

Shaking off my overly introspective thoughts, I stripped out of my work clothes and reached for the silk nightgown lying on the divan. The soft material whispered down over my skin, caressing my curves like a lover's hand, clinging seductively to my breasts, waist, and hips. I admired my shapely body in the full length mirrors of my walk-in closet, turning this way and that, delighting in the way the plunging back and criss-crossed spaghetti straps set off the alabaster sweep of my back.

I was utterly gorgeous, and saw no reason to be falsely modest about it. The family teased me about my perceived self-absorption sometimes, so I really only truly let down my guard when I was alone and could enjoy my beauty without fear of being judged. When I was with Emmett, I enjoyed myself through his eyes, basking in his appreciation, love, and desire for me. I closed my eyes for a moment, running my hands over my silk-covered breasts and hips, imagining they were his hands. Reaching up, I pulled the rubber band out of my hair, watching with a small smile of satisfaction as it spilled down my back in shiny golden waves. Fluffing it up a little, I pulled on a matching robe and left my room, heading straight for Emmett's man-cave.

He was sprawled on his black leather sofa with his long legs stretched out in front of him, playing a video game on his obscenely huge flat panel TV, but he paused it the moment I floated in. His eyes wandered hungrily over my body for a moment before meeting mine, concern for his little sister replacing the lust for me in his gaze.

"How is she?" he asked, holding out his hand to me.

I slipped my hand in his and let him pull me down on the sofa beside him, one leg folded underneath myself. "She's shaken up, but she'll be ok, all things considered."

"All things considered?" he queried, shifting to lean against the overstuffed arm of the sofa and pulling me between his propped up legs.

I curled up against his chest with a contented sigh, tucking my head underneath his chin as he soothingly ran his fingers through my hair and down my spine. "I don't think she's cut out for this life," I mumbled distracted by his light touch, my hand fisting over a handful of his sweater. "She should have stayed human. I still can't believe she threw away her chances at a normal life."

There was a pause while Emmett seemed to be contemplating something. "Rosie…did you ever consider the fact that maybe Bella never wanted a normal life?" he suggested gently. "Not everyone wants to have a husband and children, you know."

I knew this in theory, but I didn't really believe it, at least not the children part. Human beings were hardwired to want to procreate, and I found this to be true of women especially. It was evolution, pure and simple. I firmly believed that Bella was too young to know what she wanted, and that there would come a day when she realized how much she wanted children. I just hoped she didn't regret her decision to become a vampire when it happened.

"…a lot like Edward in that respect," he finished.

I frowned, suddenly catching up with what he was saying. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

He was running his hand up and down my arm. "I said you are a lot like Edward in that respect. He never asked Bella what she wanted either. He just figured he knew what was best for her and went with it, never even thinking to ask her for her opinion."

Still raw from my earlier musings about Edward, I stiffened in annoyance and tried to pull out of Emmett's embrace. He tightened his grip, refusing to release me. "Hey, don't get mad at me," he said firmly, reaching for my chin and tilting my face up so he could look me in the eye. "I'm just expressing my opinion, which by the way, I am entitled to."

Offended by the comparison I struggled harder, and he finally let me go. I surged off the sofa, standing over him angrily. "I am _nothing_ like Edward," I hissed.

Emmett held my gaze intently as he stood as well, towering over me and looking pretty fired up himself, forcing me to take a step back. "In this respect, you _are_," he countered sharply. "Like Edward, you thought you knew what was best for Bella, and like him, you also made decisions based on what _you_ thought was best for her. Just accept it, Rosalie. You may not like it, but it's the truth."

I was so incensed that my hand flew out with no conscious thought on my part, but he caught it long before it impacted with his face.

"Watch it," he said sharply, squeezing my wrist in warning. "You know I have no problem with belting you right back."

Very true. Emmett treated me like an equal in all ways, which included retaliating in kind if I slapped him. He had never struck a human woman, but as I was a vampire, and therefore unbreakable, he felt justified in giving exactly as good as he got. Surprisingly, given my past, I was ok with this. Fair is fair, after all. I rarely struck him in anger anyway, though some form of physical violence was occasionally foreplay for us. Emmett knew the difference though, and never let a blow delivered in anger slide.

Huffing, I twisted my wrist free and flounced out of the room, embarrassed by my loss of control. It sounded like Bella was wrapping up her bath, so I headed toward her room to get her something comfortable to wear and ran smack into Edward. He was standing outside her door, wearing ear buds and listening to very loud music, his arms hanging loosely at his sides.

I stopped in front of him, my posture tense and unfriendly. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked a little more harshly than I intended.

He pulled the ear buds out. "I am waiting for Bella, and listening to music so she has the privacy to talk to whoever she wants without my overhearing," he said quietly.

There was hope for him yet. "I swear, Edward, I could beat you to gravel," I murmured reproachfully, softening a little.

He looked even more stricken than Bella did. "I would probably let you. I'm sorry, Rosalie. Your past…everything…I…I am _so_ sorry."

As clumsy as his apology was, I knew it came from the heart. He was genuinely horrified by the impact his careless words had had. But I needed to have my say. "You came of age during a time when women had virtually no rights, Edward. You should know better than most that there is way, _way_ more to rape than someone using their superior strength to have sex with you against your will. It's about…it's…" I stopped when I realized that my emotions on the subject were too close to the surface to debate it today. "Your words hurt me too, you know," I finished quietly. "They trivialize what happened to me."

"I know," he whispered, looking down at the floor. "I hope some day you can forgive me."

I surprised myself and him by taking a step closer and pulling him into a hug which he gratefully returned. "I already have," I murmured, then more loudly, "Now put those back on, and get out of my way. I need to get Bella something to wear. And you might want to start thinking of a way to make this up to her."

He stuck the buds back into his ears and turned on the music again. "I have done nothing else since it happened, Rosalie," he said, smiling wanly.

* * *

Bella was just coming out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel when I walked in and handed her the clothes I had picked out for her. She took the pile of clothes with a mumbled thank you and ducked back into the bathroom to change. I busied myself at the vanity, watching her covertly when she came out again. She moved tentatively around my room, observing her surroundings through curious ruby eyes before making a beeline for the books on my nightstand the moment she noticed them.

"This is a strange combination of books to be reading," she commented, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"I am only reading _The Prophet _and the math book right now," I explained, pulling another tissue out of the dispenser. "Emmett's reading the bodice-ripper."

"Emmett is reading this!?" She seemed absolutely floored. "I didn't figure him for the type," she continued when I replied in the affirmative.

"He's not. He's reading it because he wants to get to know me better." I said, explaining his reasoning. Turning back to the vanity, I smiled and picked up the brush, sweeping it through my hair and losing myself in daydreams about my man.

Emmett may come across as loud and crude sometimes, but he was the most thoughtful and caring of men. This wasn't the first time he had immersed himself into something I enjoyed, hoping to get into my head and find out what made me tick. He had told me once, in jest, that a husband's role was one of humble service. Though he was being facetious, it was actually a relatively accurate description of the way acted toward me. He was no means a doormat; he just genuinely loved taking care of me, and doing whatever was in his power to make me happy. He reminded me of a sunflower, with me as his sun, the center of his universe. I couldn't dream up a better husband if I tried for a thousand years.

As I pondered my deep love for him, I suddenly saw Bella's decision to become a vampire in a very different light. When I'd been changed my only other choice, had I been allowed to choose, would have been death. Knowing what I knew after being turned, I would have chosen death in a heartbeat, without any hesitation. But that was before Emmett came into my life. Once he'd been added into the equation, I was forced to admit to myself that I'd have chosen to become a vampire just to be able to stay with him.

I had faulted Bella for making a choice I would have made too, had I been in her situation. This was crystal clear to me now, and the knowledge absolutely floored me. In light of this new insight into myself, I was forced to reexamine Emmett's contention that I was just as guilty as Edward of imposing my beliefs on Bella. He may have just been right, which really shouldn't surprise me. Emmett really did know me better than I knew myself. He and Bella might be owed an apology.

My epiphany was interrupted when Bella sat down behind me and timidly started playing with my hair, apparently fascinated by its color and texture. Seeing an opportunity for us to bond, I handed her the brush and asked her if she would take over for me. She accepted the brush with a look of surprise, and I shifted on the bench so that my back was to her. We sat in companionable silence for a bit while Bella brushed my hair carefully.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" I finally asked, turning my head slightly to look at her reflection in the mirror. If I didn't coax her into talking, we'd likely be here all night, and I really wanted to take the Caterham out for a spin with Emmett sometime in the near future. Her eyes met mine and then slid away again, as she fiddled nervously with the bottles and jars on my vanity.

I was starting to get a little impatient with her continued silence. I understood that what had happened was a big deal for her, especially given her newborn state, but I didn't understand why she was so reluctant to talk about it. I didn't want to push her though, so I searched for a safe subject of conversation. We didn't have much in common, and I really had no idea what to say. So when I found out that Alice hadn't actually taught her how to put on the make-up she'd been wearing, I realized that I had discovered the perfect girl-time activity to ease her into unburdening herself to me.

I had to admit I really enjoyed teaching Bella the finer points of make-up for the undead, so much so that I felt uncharacteristically moved to give her a set of make-up and brushes of her own. She seemed very touched and grateful, which filled me with an unfamiliar warmth. I was forced to acknowledge that maybe the thaw had at last set in, and I was warming up to my little sister.

* * *

"How much do you already know?"

_Finally_. "Everything," I said, "from Edward's point of view anyway. I'd like to hear your side, though. He says you got rough and he accused you of trying to rape him."

She flinched like I'd struck her, and looked like she was going to be sick. Why?

_Whoa_.

"Surely you aren't naive enough to think that what you did was attempted rape," I snapped incredulously.

She jutted out her chin, glaring at me. "Let's see..." she said sarcastically. "I used my superior strength to overpower him, and tried to have sex with him against his will. He said no repeatedly, Rosalie. He tried to fight me off. I didn't stop. Sounds like attempted rape to me."

Oh. My. God. She actually believed it. She really _was_ that naïve. Either that or she had a martyr complex to rival Edward's. And that was saying something, because sometimes Edward seemed to cherish his suffering almost as much as he cherished Bella.

"Bella, I don't need to have been there to tell you that what went on between the two of you had nothing to do with rape. You got frisky, you got carried away, Edward couldn't control the situation the way he usually does, so he said something stupid to stop you..."

She surged to her feet, angry. "You've got to be kidding me! You can't seriously blame all of this on Edward!"

"Don't be silly," I snapped, reaching for her and yanking her back down to the bench with an audible thump. "You're both equally to blame in this. It was bound to happen. In fact, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner."

She looked completely confused.

No point in waiting for the coin to drop. "Your dominance and submission games," I pointed out.

"What?" she squeaked, almost jumping up again. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "You dominate Edward sexually," I explained, trying to be patient with her. "You know, pin him down, have your wicked way with him...you dominate him. He submits to you. For now, anyway. Your sex life is going to get real interesting when you lose your strength," I added as an afterthought, smirking and giving her a knowing look.

She looked like she wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole.

Enjoying her embarrassment just a little too much, I continued. "Do you guys have a safeword?"

"A wh…what?" she stammered, her eyes widening.

"A word Edward can use if he wants you to stop whatever it is you're doing to him."

Now she looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car.

"I'll take that as a no. Then let me ask you this. How would Edward tell you if he wanted you to stop?"

She seemed to be grasping for something to say and coming up empty.

"If you are not going to have a safeword, then 'no' always has to mean 'no'," I continued.

She looked down at her lap, hiding her embarrassment behind a curtain of hair. "But…he's said no before and didn't mean it…" she mumbled.

I took pity on her. She was inexperienced, and it was unreasonable of me to expect her to understand exactly what I was talking about. Up until now, she had no idea that there was a name for what she and Edward were doing, and rules that went along with those kinds of games. Those two really needed to talk more. "Hence the need for some way for Edward and you to tell each other when you want the other to stop," I said gently, sweeping the hair out of her face and over her shoulders. "Now why don't you go out there and talk things through with him? The poor sap is waiting for you."

"No!" she yelped, standing up. "Not yet. I am too embarrassed." She let herself fall backward onto the bed, covering her face with her hands and groaning. "I don't think I will ever be able to face him," she moaned.

There was only so much I could take, and I was reaching the limits of my goodwill and patience. "My God, Bella, you and Edward are such drama queens!" I snapped, standing up. "I can't believe you have both made it this far together. You are as bad as he is with the endless guilt! He is wallowing out there, you are wallowing in here…get together and talk about it already!"

"I will, I will…just…not yet. I need to…I want to…" she stuttered, wringing her hands nervously.

"Oh, for the love of lipstick," I muttered under my breath. "Hide out in here for now if you must," I said more loudly. "You are going to have to face him eventually, you know, if only when you leave this room. I'll not have you in here indefinitely." Striding to the door, I left her alone with her thoughts.

I stood in the darkened hallway for a moment, listening to the sounds of the household as the family settled into its nighttime activities. Only Edward stood motionless, absorbed in his thoughts or the music he was listening to, still endlessly waiting for Bella to emerge from her self-imposed isolation.

I had some thinking to do, and under normal circumstances, I would have hidden out in my room, my sanctuary, to do it. Unfortunately my sanctuary was currently someone else's, so I headed for my other port in the storm: Emmett.

His door was open and I paused in the entryway, admiring him silently from afar. He was standing at his desk with one knee resting on his chair, and was bent over the surface, propped up on his elbows. I watched as he muttered to himself, frowning down at the schematics for his most recent orange cannon (series five or six, I had lost track), shuffling through the pages, and making the occasional correction in pencil. It was fascinating to watch him work. Regardless of what he was doing – even if it was building something as frivolous and pointless as an orange cannon made out of PVC pipe and a sparkplug - he put all his focus and concentration into it, which was probably why he had yet to notice me standing there. There was nothing sexier than Emmett in geek-mode.

I let my eyes roam over his body. He was wearing a wheat-colored cashmere v-neck sweater that seemed to be almost painted onto his powerful shoulders and chest. My eyes fluttered closed as I felt the steel of his muscles beneath the velvety softness of the cashmere in my memory. Opening them again, I let my gaze continue its journey down the slightly arched slope of his back, to the patch of bare skin between his sweater and the faded jeans that hung low on his hips and clung to his butt and thighs. Unbidden, an image of those hips thrusting against me filled my mind, and my lips parted over a sharp exhale.

Hearing this, he finally looked up and noticed me. "Any changes?" he asked, tossing the pencil aside and straightening up.

There was a certain reserve to him left over from our earlier altercation. We definitely needed to talk about it, but not now. I'd had enough drama and self-reflection to last me a long time. Right now, I just felt like pretending it had been a regular day. Pushing aside my gloomy thoughts I walked over to him, wrapping my arms around him and laying my cheek on his chest in silent apology, hoping it would be enough for now. "We talked, and I gave her a few things to think about. She's still holed up in my room refusing to come out, though. I don't know what else to do."

He enfolded me in his all-encompassing embrace without hesitation and rubbed his hands up and down my back, planting a kiss on the top of my head. "You did really well taking care of her, Rose. I think you've done all you can, though. The rest is up to Bella. I'll go and look in on her myself, see if I can do anything to help."

"I think she might like that," I said gratefully, reaching up to place a kiss on his beautiful lips. "I'll be working on the car if you need me. I was hoping we could go for a spin in it together, as soon as it's done," I continued, feeling uncharacteristically shy all of a sudden.

He looked down at me with a leering grin and a gleam in his eyes. "Sounds like the perfect opportunity to take some more dirty pictures of you." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

I let out a shaky laugh, marveling at how good Emmett was at defusing me and putting me at ease again. He always knew exactly how to take me out of my head. Just thinking about all the things he did, all the ways in which he compromised for me, got me all choked up. Bella and Edward's emotiveness was clearly rubbing off on me. Pulling out of his arms, I rolled my eyes to disguise my emotional fragility and elbowed him in the side as I left the room with a mumbled "I'm going to work on the car."

I was already downstairs before realizing that I was still wearing an expensive silk nightgown and robe, not the best thing to be working on an engine in. Fortunately, the engine in question was brand new, and therefore clean. Besides, I didn't want to go back to my room to change, possibly intruding on Emmett and Bella's talk. I didn't turn on the lights, preferring to work in the cool darkness of the cavernous garage. Visibility was not a problem, and the darkness had a soothing quality that was conducive to quiet meditation. Working on cars was a calming exercise, freeing my mind to lose itself in the intricate details of putting together an engine. The next few hours it took to finish the Caterham were spent in peaceful contemplation as I shut the problems of the day out of my mind and forgot them for a while.

I had just finished filling up the tank with gas when I heard Emmett calling my name. Screwing the cap back on the tank, I quickly put away my tools and headed back upstairs. I heard him lecturing Bella as I neared the room. She still didn't want to come out, but apparently Emmett had decided he was going to make her. Or more to the point, he was going to make _me_ make her. As I passed by Edward, I hit him on the arm to get his attention and pulled the ear buds out of his ears. "You don't need those anymore," I said. "She's coming out in a few minutes, whether she wants to or not."

Striding into the room I found Emmett looking determined, and Bella looking mutinous. "So, what, you're both going to physically drag me out of here?" she said with a touch of newborn belligerence.

"Only if you don't get your ass out there under your own steam," I replied sternly, marching to the side of the bed closest to her, ready to haul her off it if necessary. "So, what's it to be?"

"You said I could stay here as long as I wanted," she muttered, reluctantly moving to stand up.

"I changed my mind," I said, tapping my foot. "Now, up. And don't even _think_ about making a run for it, either."

Her lips twitched in amusement, and I knew the ordeal was over. She may not want to face Edward yet, but she seemed to realize that it was time. I ushered her out of the room, Emmett following closely behind us.

Bella froze when she and Edward caught sight of each other. I couldn't see her face, but I figured she probably looked almost as emo as Edward, who at that moment was looking positively Byronic. The atmosphere crackled with tension as he stared at her with a plethora of emotions playing across his features. Just when I wondered if they would stand there long enough to take root, Bella shot towards Edward, whose arms parted like automatic doors to receive her. Turning, I gently urged Emmett back into my room to give them some privacy.

My hands to his chest, I pushed him against the door, reaching up to lightly kiss him. "The car is gassed up and ready to go," I whispered against his lips. "I am going to take a bath, slip into something sexy, and then we can take her for a spin."

A slow grin spread over his face. "I'll be waiting," he growled, turning me and giving me a gentle push in the direction of the bathroom. I sashayed across the room, throwing him a sexy look over my shoulder, before disappearing into the bathroom.

I took my time relaxing in the hot, scented water. Emmett had gone out to the garden to test his orange cannon, and by the sound of it, was receiving unsolicited advice from Jasper. By the time I was standing inside my closet picking out an outfit to drive Emmett crazy in, their lively discussion had degenerated into a heated argument over reducer couplings and muzzle velocity, their angry rants interspersed with loud bangs as they took turns shooting oranges into the trees to illustrate their point. Hoping they wouldn't come to blows before I was able to whisk Emmett away, I blow-dried my hair into a wild swirl and dressed quickly, applying minimal make up and strapping on my heels.

I had pushed the Caterham out of the garage and into the driveway, and was heading for the garden when the boys' argument ended abruptly. The reason became clear when I reached the terrace. The wind had shifted, and the faint sound of Bella's muffled screams was being carried toward us by the wind. By their tenor, it was clear that Edward was giving her the shafting of a lifetime.

"Dayum," Jasper said, sounding impressed, his southern accent deepening.

"Way to go, Edward!" Emmett cheered, pumping his fist into the air, the idiot. Suddenly, he got that gleam in his eye that always appeared when he had just had a very bad idea. "Hey, Jazz," he said gleefully, "let's…"

Now seemed like a great time to make my presence known. "Oh no you don't, Emmett. Whatever it is, no. You leave them alone." I interrupted firmly, stepping out onto the terrace.

He turned toward me and froze, looking me up and down slowly, his eyes wide.

_Yeah, I know. I look spectacular._

I was wearing the briefest of little black chiffon dresses that clung to me in all the right places, the slightly flared hem falling barely an inch below my ass. Underneath, I wore nothing but an almost non-existent thong. Black suede gladiator sandals with dangerously high stiletto heels completed the outfit.

Smirking, I held up my hand, Emmett's digital camera dangling off one finger. "It's you, me, and the Caterham, babe. Let's go, we're wasting time. I look best in the early morning light, and we've only got about half an hour until dawn."

Emmett's jaw dropped. Flustered, he accidentally discharged his cannon, startling himself in the process and sending an orange flying through the open window to land with a loud splat on the living room wall. Esme cried out angrily from within the house, shaking him out of his lust-induced trance. He shoved the cannon into Jasper's hands without taking his eyes off mine and came straight for me, stopping only long enough to throw me over his shoulder before tearing around to the front of the house. When we got to the car, he swung me down into his arms and deposited me unceremoniously behind the wheel before vaulting over the hood and cramming himself into the passenger seat. It was a very tight squeeze, but he was clearly more interested in what would happen when we reached our destination, wherever that may be.

Pulling a silk scarf from between my breasts, I tied my artfully tousled hair back, knowing that it was a largely futile gesture and that by the time we got to where we were going I would look like I had just rolled out of bed after a night of being ridden hard and put up wet.

Now came the moment of truth. Despite the fact that I never made mistakes when it came to cars, the first time I started one that I had built from the ground up was always nerve-wracking. I took a deep breath, ran my fingers reverently up and down the steering wheel for good luck, waggled the fob on the dash, and hit the starter button twice. The engine caught with an explosive boom, and the Caterham roared to life. "Would you just listen to that," I whispered, awed at the restrained power contained in that sound.

Emmett was underwhelmed. "It sounds like a car, Ro," he said, looking nervously back at the house. "Now, could we go? I think Esme is coming for me."

I pulled the gearbox lever toward me and it clunked into first. "A _car_?" I said haughtily, in my best Lady Bracknell voice. "This is no mere _car_. That sound is pure race-car, you philistine."

The Caterham shot forward. Unprepared, Emmett was jerked backward with a grunt. Short-shifting through second and into third, I accelerated, the revs rising rapidly as we shot down the road, Esme's cry of "Emmett Cullen! I told you not to point that thing at the house! You get back here this minute and clean up your mess!" fading as we tore away from the house.

We raced along the winding woodland roads through the milky pre-dawn light, the power building quickly as the revs inched toward the 4000rpm range. I didn't want to push her any harder, not on her first outing, and certainly not under the current road conditions. The roads were still wet, and though the Caterham usually took corners like it was on rails, it had _way_ more power than grip. I didn't want this outing to be her last.

Dawn had broken by the time I pulled off the road at one of the more secluded look-out points. "How's that for a backdrop?" I said, indicating the gorgeous view with a toss of my head and handing Emmett the camera.

We were overlooking a wooded valley painted in the acid green shades of spring, deeply shadowed where the misty morning light hadn't reached yet. The sun was rising behind us, and when it cleared the trees it would cast us in a beautiful golden light, setting our hair and skin on fire. I got out of the car, pulling the scarf off and fluffing up my windswept hair, and perched on one of the front wheels striking a classic Vargas girl pose; legs pressed together and crossed at the ankles, hands behind my head and my chest pushed out.

"That's my girl," Emmett praised me, digging the camera out of his pocket and starting to snap pictures. I shifted every few seconds, my poses getting increasingly risqué under his expert direction. The more risqué they got, the more turned on I became. I knew that with every pose he was directing me closer and closer to the position he wanted me in when he finally took me.

It wasn't happening fast enough for my taste, so I took matters into my own hands.

The nose of the car was narrow enough that I was able to straddle the tip. I bent over, bracing myself on my hands and arching my back, pushing my bottom out, my dress riding up and exposing the lower swell of my cheeks.

I heard Emmett's intake of breath behind me. "God, Rose…yes…" he rasped. "Pull your dress all the way up for me, baby."

Without straightening, I reached behind myself and pulled the dress slowly up to my waist. The camera continued to click.

"Your panties," he continued hoarsely. "Down. Quickly."

Hooking my thumbs in the waistband of my thong, I pulled it down as far as it would go, which given that my legs were spread wide, was only to about mid thigh.

"Damn, that's a fine ass," he muttered to himself, moving up behind me and slapping it appreciatively. He ran his hand lasciviously over the swell of my backside and to the juncture of my thighs, pushing two fingers inside me without preamble. Startled, I jumped, my squeak of surprise followed immediately by a drawn out moan as he started reaming me with his fingers. I let my head drop, hair pooling on the hood of the car, and I reached between my legs to touch myself.

"Hands on the hood," he growled playfully, removing his hand and smacking my ass smartly.

I put my hand back down, and he reinserted his fingers, hooking them inside me and forcing a short scream from between my lips. "Emmett, please," I moaned petulantly, desperate for release.

"All in good time, babe," he chuckled darkly. "Just let me have my fun. I deserve it for the day I'm going to have when Esme gets her hands on me. I see chores in my future."

"That's lovely, 'Alice'," I gasped, getting impatient, "but if you don't fuck me soon, I'm going to dismember you."

"Patience, Rosalie," he retorted calmly, refusing to be moved. "I'm the one setting the pace today, and right now, I want to enjoy the visuals. It's a guy thing. Don't rush me."

I bit my lip and moaned again, squirming and shifting on my feet as Emmett took his sweet time toying with me. Just when I thought I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue a moment longer, the pressure of his fingers disappeared only to be replaced by an even greater pressure as he gripped my hips and entered me forcefully and without warning. Wasting no time, he began to thrust immediately, his hips smacking against my ass.

He slid one hand up along my spine to between my shoulder blades. "Get down on your elbows, babe," he panted, guiding me down with a gentle pressure to my back.

I obligingly got into position, my head now lower than my hips, and he returned his hand to my waist, pulling me hard against himself and grunting with every thrust. The exquisite friction created as he slid in and out of me was almost unbearably pleasurable, and I started crying out lustily every time he drove himself into me as deeply as he could.

Emmett didn't make love. He fucked. This was not to say that he was crude, selfish, or in any way unschooled in the ways of pleasing a woman. On the contrary, he'd learned a great deal over the decades, and was more skilled than any man had a right to be. It was just that when he made love to me, he did it with such vigor and unbridled enthusiasm that "fucking" was simply the best word to describe it.

I had been very close to climaxing when he inexplicably withdrew, letting go of me. Straightening, I rounded on him angrily, and had just started ranting about his timing when he snaked an arm around my waist and yanked me flush against him. He threaded the fingers of his other hand into my hair, cupping the back of my head and immobilizing it.

"Shut your yap, Rosalie," he said, glaring at me before shutting it for me with a punishing kiss. I could feel his erection pressing against my stomach, and ground myself against it, moaning into his mouth. Jerking, he released me with a sharp hiss. He reached for the straps of my dress and pushed them off my shoulders, freeing my breasts and letting the dress pool at my waist.

"Those panties need to come off," he said, dropping into a squat to slide them the rest of the way down my legs and helping me step out of them. When he was standing before me again, he held the balled-up scrap of lace to his nose and inhaled deeply, letting out an appreciative groan before tucking it in his pocket. Even more aroused, if that was even possible, I freed my arms hurriedly from the straps of my dress and twined them around his neck as he lifted me up, palming my thighs and hooking my legs around his hips.

His aim dead on, he plunged right back inside me, fusing us together. "Lean back," he demanded. "I want your shoulders resting on the hood." He cupped my ass, supporting me as I leaned back until my head and shoulders came to rest against the glossy finish of the car. "God, Rose, you are beyond beautiful," he murmured reverently, sliding his hands to my waist, and then along my ribcage to palm my breasts, leaving me suspended, held up only by his cock and my legs clamped around his hips. He kneaded them roughly, thumbing and pinching my nipples, staring down at me as I writhed against the hood of the car, my fingers twined in my hair. Pushing my chest up into his hands, I undulated and rocked my pelvis against his, wordlessly urging him to start thrusting. He obliged, and once we had a rhythm going, he swept his hands back to my hips, never breaking contact with my skin, one hand sliding underneath me to splay over my ass. He rested the tips of his fingers just over my womb, and circled my clit with his thumb, just close enough to drive me wild, but not close enough to precipitate my orgasm. With impeccable timing, he waited until he was almost there himself before triggering me with a rough sweep of his thumb over the sensitive bud and sending me hurtling over the edge into a screaming climax. He came seconds later in three slower, harder, and longer thrusts, punctuated by loud groans forced through clenched teeth.

I was still convulsing against the hood when we both heard the unmistakable sound of a car approaching. It was still miles away, and we had plenty of time to get ourselves and the car out of sight, but we hurried anyway, giggling like teenagers as we fumbled with each others' clothing. I shoved his cock back into his pants, zipping him up swiftly while he pulled my dress up over my breasts and down over my hips. A brief struggle ensued when he refused to return my panties, bundling me into the front seat bare-assed in spite of my protests.

"If I mess up the upholstery because of this, you will clean up it up, or replace the seat if necessary. Got it?" I snarled.

He snapped to attention, saluted me smartly with a cocky grin and climbed nimbly over me, settling his huge frame into the passenger seat as I gunned the engine and screeched out onto the road, away from the approaching car and back the way we came. I slowed to a stop as soon as we were back on the private driveway leading to our home and out of sight of the main road. Emmett looked at me curiously, stretching his arm along the back of my seat, lazily rubbing his thumb along the slope of my shoulder.

"Why did we stop?" he asked.

I shut off the engine, the relative silence of the woods almost deafening after the roar of the Caterham. "I've been thinking about what you said, about me being like Edward in discounting Bella's choices."

He said nothing, just moving his thumb back and forth in a gentle caress and watching me patiently.

"You were right," I murmured.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" he returned smoothly, cocking his head as if he needed to do it to hear me better.

_Fucker_. "You heard me," I muttered darkly. "I don't need to repeat myself."

He shifted his hand to the nape of my neck, gripping it gently, and leaned into me. "Humor me," he said softly, eyeing me intently.

I stuck my nose in the air and tried to avert my face. His hand tightened slightly around my nape in response, preventing me from turning away. I immediately recognized the gesture for what it was: the forewarning of a little lesson in humility. He wasn't going to let me get away with a muttered, half-baked explanation, especially after my earlier display of temper and my vehement denials; he was determined to get a more detailed answer out of me.

I figured I had it coming, so I capitulated willingly. "You were right." I spoke clearly, looking him straight in the eye. "I was making assumptions about Bella based on my own desires, not hers. When I put myself in her shoes, I realized that I would have made the same choices she did." His grip on me loosened, his hand resting lightly against my skin. My voice dropped to a whisper. "I would do anything to keep you in my life. If I had to choose, now, between you and a normal life…I would choose you in a heartbeat. Why should I expect any different for Bella?"

He pulled me closer to him and I dropped my head to his shoulder with a shaky sigh. "You should tell her that," he murmured, nuzzling my hair. "I think she might really appreciate hearing it from you." I turned my head, rubbing my cheek against the soft material of his sweater and we sat in silence for a moment in the dappled sunlight.

I pulled away from him reluctantly. "I guess we should get back," I sighed. "I need to talk to Bella and log some time on the hotline…"

"…and I need to face the Wrath of Esme," he finished glumly.

Laughing at his long face, I started the car and we rumbled homeward.

* * *

Esme's chapters are up next.


	5. Esme

O hai...

Yes, I suck for the delay. Aren't you glad I write stand-alone chapters? I know I am. The good news is chapter six is almost finished, and should be up in a few days. It will be unbeta-ed because my beta is about to get really busy and wont be able to look at it. This chapter is only partially beta-ed (though I will probably continue to tweak it) because I am impatient and can't stand to look at it anymore. You'd think after over three months, what's another day? But nooo, I just have to wake up at four in the morning and suddenly decide to post it as is. I may yet regret it, but here goes anyway.

Also, I know this was supposed to be an Emmett chapter, but he wasn't cooperating. I tried for almost three months, but couldn't make it happen. I also realized that if I stuck to my dual points of view idea, this story would take far too long to tell. Then I had a Buddhist "aha" moment and decided I was trying too hard to conform to my original idea and it was cramping my style. The minute I gave that up, things fell more or less into place.

It's ironic...when I first decided on the format for this story, I wondered how I would ever find anything to say about Rosalie, who isn't my favorite character. Hers turned out to be my best chapter yet (in my opinion, anyway). That made it a lot harder for me working on this chapter, and to be honest, I still feel a bit insecure about it.

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* * *

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**Esme**:

The view was spectacular from my chosen perch in the tree: two sturdy branches growing out in a narrow V, high above the ground. They made the perfect seat, and I settled myself comfortably, leaning back against the rough trunk. One of my legs was bent at the knee and propped up on one of the branches and the other was hanging loose as I swung it back and forth in a carefree manner that belied my inner turmoil. I brushed a few loose tendrils of hair out of my face and secured them behind my ears as I gazed out over the forest, scanning for clearings where I might find some of the local flora.

I had noticed the tree immediately as I made my way down the hill, just as I would have when I was a young girl. It was the perfect climbing tree; the branches were evenly spaced and not too high of the ground – not that that mattered to me anymore. I would have been able to jump up to almost half the tree's height, if I wanted to. I dropped my basket near the roots and looked up into the tree, my inner child eagerly plotting the best way up, and before I knew it I was swinging myself up onto the lowest branches and climbing up as far as I could go. Unlike when I was human, there would be no fall, and no broken limbs. What I was made that impossible, and it made the experience all the more enjoyable.

Sitting slightly above the tops of the rest of the trees gave me an unrestricted view of rolling tree covered hills, hazy lavender mountains, and the dizzying expanse of vibrant azure skies. The soughing of the wind in the trees partially masked the sounds of forest life below me, and I was able to feel somewhat isolated. Unfortunately, with that isolation came thoughts I had hoped to put aside for the time being, and their intrusion into my consciousness cast a pall over the enjoyment of my solitude. Sighing, I abandoned my perch and climbed nimbly down to continue on my journey.

Dropping lightly to the ground, I retrieved my basket and continued on my way down the steep slope with a sure foot, almost dancing in my descent. Shafts of afternoon sunlight blazed to the ground from the verdant canopy above me. Each slanted column of light glittered with pollen and dust motes, and the heart of the forest creaked, crackled and groaned all around me. Arriving at the bottom almost at a run, I burst out into a sunlit meadow alive with the humming of thousands of insects. I let the sound batter at me for a moment before adjusting my hearing and scanned the field for plants and flowers. There were large patches of black eyed Susan, a smattering of Queen Anne's lace, and something pink I had not come across before. I dug up a large clump of the black-eyed Susan, gently shook off the excess soil and placed it carefully in the shallow basket with the rest of my harvest. Draping the damp towel back in place over the roots and tucking my small shovel in beside them, I rose from my crouch and reluctantly started heading home again.

Ever since Carlisle and I had bought our home here not long after I had been changed, I had taken to wandering the state far and wide, harvesting wildflowers to plant around the house and all around the property. Since there would be large stretches of time when we wouldn't be living here, I didn't want to plant a traditional garden that would require too much maintenance and weeding, and thus the idea of boundary-less beds of low maintenance local wildflowers was born. During the growing season, no more than a week would pass without my taking my basket and shovel and looking for flowers and plants to transplant into my gardens, or somewhere on our property. Over the decades the plants had multiplied and spread, and as a result the garden was alive with color; insects and butterflies took up residence for most of the spring, summer, and fall.

There were flowers everywhere – the beds along the retaining walls of the terrace grew wild and untamed with coltsfoot, orange hawkweed, fringed polygala, ragged Robin and trout lily; a profusion of blooms boiling down shaggy grass slopes speckled with dandelions, daisies, buttercups and the occasional patches of forget-me-nots. Along the wooded boundary of our property, and flowing out from the cool shade beneath the trees, the crocuses, snowdrops and daffodils of spring alternated with vinca, its small violet blooms peeking out from beneath the protective shade of green leaves. On our patio around the south side of the house, creeping thyme grew in the cracks between the paving stones, radiating dark green tendrils dotted with tiny pink flowers, and hummingbird mint and pineapple sage grew high and wild in large stone planters. I was immensely proud of my garden.

On my way out of the meadow, I stopped by a patch of goldenrod and sank to my knees to collect some of that, as well. I never took more than a third of what I came across, leaving the rest to propagate again. Pausing for one more moment of quiet solitude, I sat back on my heels and absorbed the peace of my surroundings, grounding myself in preparation for reentering the firestorm that awaited me back at home. I filled my senses with the sounds and scents of the wilderness, and let the late spring sunlight warm my cold skin. Not surprisingly, my thoughts returned again to the recent drama that had so thoroughly disrupted our mostly peaceful lives.

Sadness flooded me suddenly. Bella should have been at my side today, her first outing with just the two of us alone. As she grew increasingly stable emotionally and physically, Carlisle had decided to relax his rule that Bella should always be accompanied by at least two of us. Isolated as we were, the risks of coming across humans, though present, was minimal. Bella knew to instantly stop breathing if we told her to.

I had been looking forward to spending some quality time alone with my youngest daughter and sharing my solitary tradition with her when fate had stepped in. Tragedy struck out of the blue, and for a few hours it had seemed as if all the progress Bella had made had been undone. Kneeling alone in the midst of all this natural beauty with no one for miles around to hear me, I gave vent to my grief and let my sorrow bubble up and overflow. I buried my face in my hands and slumped forward, crying for my daughter and the terrible grief she was enduring, for my husband, who had some really difficult decisions to make, and for my children, who had suffered along with their baby sister from the moment she received the phone call from Forks.

Two days ago Bella's father had called with terrible news.

Jacob Black was dead.

The official story was that he had been killed by a wild animal, one of those large beasts that had been sighted on and off around Forks and La Push for about two years now. Most of the locals claimed they were bears, but a few people swore up and down that they were very large wolves. We had immediately suspected that Jacob had in fact been killed by a vampire, and our suspicions were confirmed when Carlisle called Billy Black for information.

A pair of nomads had made Forks their temporary home. Evidence suggested that they had squatted briefly in a temporarily unoccupied house before moving on. Jacob, out in the woods on his own, had been too distracted to notice them. When he phased, the vampires, one of them barely past her newborn phase, had panicked and attacked him, despite the horrible wet dog smell. He had been bitten, the venom quickly weakening him and leaving him unable to defend himself. He had been quickly torn apart. Two of his pack-mates, in wolf form at the time and therefore the only ones privy to what Jacob had been thinking, had reported that he had been lost in thoughts of Bella when the nomads had come across him. We had managed to keep that piece of information from Bella, and would not be telling her until she had regained her emotional footing. Like Edward, she was prone to deep feelings of guilt, and the knowledge that Jacob had not been paying attention because he was thinking about her would be too much for her to bear right now.

* * *

We were all gathered in the living room when Bella had gotten the news, engaged in our own pursuits yet enjoying the proximity of our loved ones. I was curled up next to Carlisle on the sofa. He was engrossed in a medical journal, and I was covertly watching the kids and listening to Edward play the piano. Alice and Jasper were sitting on the floor around the coffee table, annihilating Bella at Scrabble. Rosalie was perched on Emmett's lap, running a white pencil under her nails, putting the finishing touches to her French manicure. Emmett, bored and feeling puckish, was torturing Edward with his thoughts. This was obvious from the looks he was shooting Edward, and also from the fact that Edward kept fumbling his notes.

Finally having had enough, Edward brought his hands crashing down on the keys. "Emmett, stop it!" he snarled. "It's bad enough that I have to witness them by accident, I don't need you to force those images on me deliberately!"

"It's my duty as your more experienced brother to help you with your sexual education," Emmett said innocently. "I'm just trying to help."

"I can educate myself without your x-rated input, thank you very much," Edward snapped. "Now please, if you could keep your mind out of the gutter for the next half hour, I would appreciate it. I'd like to concentrate on my music."

I cleared my throat as Emmett drew breath to goad his brother further, catching his attention and quelling him with a stern glare. He subsided with a slightly sulky look on his face. As I glanced toward the coffee table, I caught Jasper watching Emmett and Edward covertly with an impish smirk on his face and it occurred to me that maybe _Jasper_ was the puckish one. He was probably influencing his brothers' emotions to stir up some trouble. When he caught me looking at him he instantly schooled his face into a blank expression and examined the board with rapt attention. I kept my eyes on him until he sneaked another look at me, just to let him know that I knew what he was up to. He quickly ducked his head again and fiddled with his tiles.

Edward had just started playing again when Bella's phone rang. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked at it. "It's Charlie," she said happily, springing to her feet and heading out into the hallway.

Although we could technically still hear both sides of the conversation, we were used to tuning each other out in order to give each other privacy, and as a result we didn't realize anything was wrong until a wailing scream froze us in our seats. At almost the same instant, Jasper let out a strangled cry and doubled over with his arms clutched around his chest.

Time stood still for a split second, and then all hell broke loose. Edward was the first to move. He stood so abruptly that the piano bench went flying and then splintered when he stepped on it in his haste to get to Bella. His dramatic exit galvanized the rest of us and sent us all tearing into the hallway to gather around her. She had dropped her cell phone and collapsed to the floor, keening like a dying animal. Edward, absolutely distraught, was on his knees trying to wrestle a writhing, crying Bella into his lap and desperately trying to find out what was wrong. The rest of us stood frozen, unsure as to what was going on and what to do about it.

Carlisle was the first to snap out of it, and quickly reached under the hall table to retrieve Bella's phone. His brief conversation with Charlie told us all we needed to know.

The loss of a loved one was hard enough on humans; it was infinitely worse for newborn vampires and their heightened emotions. Although Bella had come a long way, her stability was still precarious, and a shock such as this one at a time when she was still fragile and learning to cope with her new state could prove disastrous. At best she might suffer a slight setback. At worst…well, I didn't want to even _think_ about that.

If that weren't enough, we would also have to face the issue of the memorial service. The funeral service would be private and take place immediately. Though we didn't know at the time, we had a pretty good idea that it was because Jake had died in wolf form. There would be a memorial service however, and Bella would be expected to show up.

Which was of course out of the question. First of all, she wasn't even remotely ready to be around humans. Even if she was, she would need special contact lenses to hide her eyes, and we didn't have enough time to get them for her before the memorial service. But all that paled in insignificance when compared to the thorny issue of the treaty. The memorial would be on the reservation and vampires were _personae non gratae _there, not to mention that in having changed Bella, we were in violation of the treaty.

* * *

For five minutes I allowed myself the luxury of falling apart in that sunny meadow before pulling myself together with difficulty and chasing away the memory of that terrible moment. Wallowing all day was not an option; Carlisle needed me. I stood, brushing debris off my clothes and secured the basket in the crook of my arm. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I resumed my journey home.

When I emerged from the tree line at the edge of our land, my eyes were immediately drawn up to our bedroom. Carlisle still stood at the window, staring with unseeing eyes at the horizon. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and had not moved since I left hours ago. Abandoning the plan to do my planting immediately, I headed to the kitchen to leave my basket there. Placing it on the counter, I ran the towel under running water, wet the roots with a spray bottle, and wrapped them loosely up again in the wet towel. They would probably be fine until tomorrow...right now, I had more important things to take care of, namely my worried husband. I scrubbed the earth off my hands and out from under my nails, and dried them off before heading upstairs to find him.

As I passed the living room Alice caught my eye, curled up in one of the oversized armchairs and clutching one of the pillows to her chest, staring off into space. The polish on her usually impeccably groomed nails was chipped and peeling where she had been nervously picking at it, and small flecks of polish were scattered over her sweater and the chair. She didn't notice my approach until I reached down to run my fingers through her spiky unkempt hair.

"Where's Jasper?" I asked softly, surprised that he wasn't beside her when she was so clearly suffering.

She blinked and raised her head, looking at me. "He had to get out for a bit," she murmured, far from her usual ebullient self. "He said to call him if we need him, but I would rather we didn't for now. He's having trouble dealing with our combined feelings and keeping his from spilling over into us, and should probably be left alone unless we absolutely need him."

I perched on the arm of the chair. "I take it he hasn't been able to help Bella much?"

She sighed, un-tucking her legs from underneath her and sitting up. "No. Nothing he does lasts for very long. Her grief just comes rushing right back, and it's gotten harder and harder for him to override his feelings and to counter hers. I sent him out of range before our emotions drove him and us crazy."

Unable to offer her any words of comfort, I just dropped a kiss on the top of her head and left her to herself, continuing on my way upstairs.

The atmosphere inside the house was oppressive. Bella's grief was a raw, open wound, a tangible presence hanging thickly in the air. Gone were the sounds of our usually happy household: Emmett, mercilessly teasing either Bella or Edward, Rosalie's haughty tone as she scolded her husband about something and Alice's excited prattling interrupted occasionally by Jasper's butterscotch drawl, amused and indulgent. Instead, a silent, heavy pall hung over us, and the rest of my children were quiet in their rooms, clinging to their mates and hopefully finding some small measure of comfort in each other. I paused briefly outside Edward's room, where he and Bella had been curled up on their bed since shortly after we had gotten the news, and wondered if I should check on them. Carlisle was my first priority, though. Edward and Bella had each other; Carlisle probably needed me more right now.

I entered the room silently, closing the door quietly behind me. He was still staring sightlessly out of the window and didn't seem to have heard me come in. My silent heart twisted in empathy and I moved swiftly behind him, slipping my hands around his waist and pressing my cheek to his back with a shaky sigh. He stirred at my touch and turned in my embrace, wrapping his arms around my shoulders to gather me to him.

We clung to each other without speaking for a few minutes before he finally broke the silence. "Did I make a mistake in turning Bella?" he whispered into my hair, his voice cracking under the weight of his doubt and sadness.

I pulled back quickly and looked up at his face in surprise. Whatever I had expected him to say, this certainly wasn't it. "Why on earth would you think that, Carlisle?" I said, unable to disguise my shock. "Not only did you not have a choice in the matter, but it's what Bella wanted. She went into this with her eyes wide open. She chose to join us and has embraced the life with everything she is, all her difficulties non-withstanding. If anything, she is the only one of us who _wasn't_ a mistake."

The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them. He flinched as if I had struck him and I quickly cupped his cheek with my hand, making sure I had his full attention before speaking again. "Sweetheart, that came out all wrong. I didn't mean it like that," I said quickly. "I meant that Bella is the only one of us who knew what she was getting into and made a conscious choice to join us. You shouldn't have so much as a second of doubt that you did the right thing with her."

His arms tightened around me. "Do you have any regrets, Esme?" he asked me, weary eyes fixed on mine. He sounded almost fearful of my answer.

"Not a single one," I replied without a moment's hesitation, my voice strong and sure, "and I think you know that. I have everything I ever wanted, Carlisle. I have the family I always dreamed of. I am married to the kindest, most compassionate man a woman could ever hope for, I have six wonderful children and more beautiful homes than one person could ever need. My prayers were all answered, even if it wasn't quite in the way I expected."

I mentally kicked myself for my careless words. Carlisle and I had a history of problems when it came to his habit of changing people without their informed consent, starting with when he changed me. To say I had been furious was a gross understatement. I felt betrayed, and for a while I hated him when I realized what kind of life he had condemned not only me to, but Edward as well. When I lost my son I also lost any desire to live, but even death had been denied me through Carlisle's selfish actions. Oh, how I had resented him and what I called his "playing God".

But it proved impossible for me to hate him forever, much to my initial dismay. Even then, even taking into consideration what he had done, Carlisle was the very best of men. He was caring, intelligent and chivalrous, not to mention devastatingly handsome. Though I hadn't known it in the beginning, I'd been lost from the start. Just by being himself, he had wormed his way into my heart and unobtrusively broken down my defenses, until one day I realized I was irrevocably in love with him. I wasn't deliriously happy then the way I am these days, but I was coming to terms with my new life. I was content and at peace.

This peace was threatened when he changed Rosalie. Yet again, he took it upon himself to play God and changed someone without their informed consent. The chill that settled over our relationship wasn't helped by the fact that Rosalie was no happier about her new situation than I was, and for a time I dedicated myself to her care, bonding with her over our shared past and deliberately isolating myself from Carlisle in the process. But by that time, my bond with him was unbreakable, and couldn't have left him if I wanted to. Nevertheless, those were difficult times for our growing family.

I couldn't blame him for Emmett though; he did it for Rosalie, because she begged him to. Carlisle had difficulty denying her anything, and I suspected it was in large part due to the guilt he still carried over his part in her transformation. What had surprised and disappointed me – though I would never confess the latter to her - was that Rosalie, who still hated what she was, should inflict this life she so disliked on someone else. Then again, my love for her didn't blind me to the fact that she could be horribly selfish, and she _had_ wanted Emmett very badly. I couldn't be upset about it for too long though, because Emmett took to the life with a shrug and very few regrets, and best of all, fell deeply in love with Rosalie in the process. I had a sense that he would be good for her, and my faith was not unfounded.

It was only after Jasper and Alice had joined us that I realized that although I didn't have the kind of family I'd expected to have when I was human, I _had_ a family, and a wonderful one, no less. It was that blinding realization that allowed me to finally let go of the last faint traces of lingering resentment toward Carlisle that I hadn't been aware I was still harboring. The only thing that marred my perfect happiness at the time was the fact that Edward was alone. In a strange way, I considered him my firstborn and had a soft spot for him. His loneliness in the midst of all the love around him broke my heart.

Those days were over though, now that Bella had finally joined us. It had been touch and go for a while, and I came very close to losing the family I so desperately needed and loved. But now…all my children had mates and they were perfect for each other, or at least as perfect as it was possible for them to be. Emmett, who was playful, self-confident, brash and completely unapologetic about it, had the lightness of touch to deal with Rosalie's mercurial moods and monumental ego. How he managed to remain un-phased by her occasional temperamental outbursts was a mystery to me. Jasper, with his calm and soothing presence, was exactly what hyperactive Alice needed to stay grounded, and her ebullient and enthusiastic personality were more than enough to keep Jasper's past and his dark urges at bay.

As for Bella and Edward, they were still unfolding, still finding their places within their fledgling relationship. Theirs would probably be a turbulent one; they were too alike in some ways to complement each other perfectly. They were both stubborn; they both had a deep self-sacrificing streak and were far too prone to needless guilt. Complicating matters further was the fact that Bella was growing into her new self, and was no longer content to let Edward take the lead and boss her around. Her burgeoning independent streak was beginning to bump up against Edward's dominant nature and eventually there would be some serious fireworks. Nonetheless, I had no doubts that theirs was a solid union. Their deep and enduring love for one another would see them through any problems they had, just like Carlisle's and mine had.

I looked deeply into the golden eyes of my mate of over eighty years. "I have _everything_ I ever wanted," I reiterated firmly, "and don't you dare think any differently!"

He cupped my face with his hands and kissed me deeply and hungrily, nudging my nose with his and then touching his forehead to mine. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "What are we going to do about Bella? This came up so suddenly, I was completely unprepared. I thought we had more time…" He pulled away from me and sat down on the bed, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "What possible reason, other than faking her death, can we come up with to excuse Bella from attending her best friend's memorial? Charlie knows where we are, he won't accept that she can't travel. And if we have to fake her death…how do I do that to my own daughter? How do I look her in the eyes and tell her she can never see, speak to, or write to her family and friends ever again?"

He looked up at me, anguish on his handsome face. "Help me, Esme. Tell me what to do," he pleaded, as if I held the answers to everything.

I crossed the small distance that separated us and stepped between his knees, reaching for him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me against him and burying his face in my stomach. My hands went to his head and I smoothed his hair soothingly. "We're going to go to the cabin, just the two of us," I murmured. "That's what we are going to do. The kids can take care of Bella. Tonight we are going to forget our problems, relax, and enjoy each other's company. We will discuss this as a family tomorrow morning, and make a decision then."

"That sounds wonderful, honey," he whispered, relieved to have me make a decision for him.

I smiled down at him, running my thumbs over the shadows under his eyes. "Good. Let's go," I said softly, reaching for his hand and urging him to his feet. "I'll let Edward know."

"I already know," he spoke quietly from his room. "I heard you. We'll see you tomorrow morning."

* * *

The cabin had been built by the Cullen men one summer the first year we'd lived here. They built it so that they could have somewhere to take their mates for some privacy, or in Edward's case, somewhere he could escape from the endless intrusion of our thoughts. These were things that were understandably hard to come by in a vampire family, and even more so in ours, where some of the family members had some fairly invasive powers. Carlisle called the project a male bonding experience.

It was a simple rectangular log cabin built right up against a small lake, with a roomy covered porch overlooking the water. It was divided into two rooms of equal size, both of them with stone fireplaces. One housed a king sized log bed, night tables and a chest of drawers; the other, a cozy seating area facing the fire and a table with four chairs. There was no kitchen, no bathroom, and no electricity. The place was lit by candlelight or nothing at all. The built in book cases on either side of the fireplace in the living room were stuffed with books, magazines, catalogs and board games; anything you could need in a place that technology had bypassed completely. Once the guys were done, Alice, Rosalie and I had gotten involved, bringing bedding, rugs, cushions, some of my artwork and candelabras, and anything else we could think of to make the place comfortable and pleasant.

It was completely dark by the time Carlisle and I stepped onto the porch and unlocked the door, letting ourselves into the cabin. I made quick work of opening the shutters in both rooms and lit the candles while Carlisle got a fire started in the living room. When I finished, I turned to find him watching me intently and glided over to him to him with a coy smile.

"Let's go skinny dipping," I murmured seductively, reaching for his collar and unbuttoning his shirt. He caught my hands and kissed the palm of each before holding them to his chest and looking me in the eyes.

"What would I do without you?" he whispered, leaning forward and touching his lips gently to mine.

I couldn't answer that question because I didn't know, and I hoped he would never have to find out. Because if he didn't have me I wouldn't have him, and that was something I refused to even contemplate. So I simply freed one hand and brushed the backs of my fingers against his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch with a soft hum.

"I'll go and get us some towels," I said finally, kissing him softly once more before heading into the bedroom. I stripped out of my clothes and pulled out a couple of fluffy beach towels, then went back to join Carlisle. His clothes were hung over a chair, but he was nowhere to be seen.

I slipped out onto the porch to find him standing at the bottom of the steps, facing the glassy surface of the lake. I left the door slightly ajar and watched him for a moment. He was waiting for me, unmoving, his pale skin glowing softly in the starlight, shimmering like mother of pearl. Lost in thought, he seemed not to notice me standing in the shadows of the porch.

My heart twisted and I wished I could do more for him. Although I could support him, share my thoughts, and give him my input, as one of Bella's creators and head of our family, ultimately the burden of decision rested on his shoulders. That was the way of things in vampire families, at least as far as the Volturi were concerned. Carlisle would be the one they would bring their judgment down on if things went wrong.

He needed distracting. On a whim, I dashed playfully past him, running down the dock, straight for the lake, hair and soft laughter flying behind me. I heard a low growl and just before I reached the end of the pier, Carlisle slammed into me, wrapping his arms around my waist and launching us into the air over the water. We hung there for an endless moment before tumbling into the stars reflecting off the surface, plunging into the quiet underwater world. Gradually slowing in our descent, we came to a stop just as my hip grazed the rocks on the lake bed. I twisted in his grasp, my backside brushing against his genitals. His arms tightened convulsively around me.

Another twist of my hips and I was facing him with my nipples grazing his chest. Clinging to his shoulders, I wrapped my legs around him as he pushed against the lake bed with his legs, pushing us up through the fractured surface and into the warm night air.

The stars wheeled slowly overhead as we spiraled gently through the water, legs tangled, hands clutching and feeling, gazing wordlessly into each others' eyes. Our bond as mates and decades of togetherness had given us a depth of insight into each other that sometimes made verbal communication unnecessary. We did not speak now, letting our eyes and hands do the talking, and knowing him as I did I could tell the instant he started letting his worries about Bella intrude again. I threaded my fingers through his wet hair and pulled myself closer to him, kissing him roughly to distract him and tempt him before abruptly pushing away into the water to float on my back to stare at the night sky. He was seconds behind me, treading the water, one hand cupping my neck as he angled my head toward himself to continue the kiss I had interrupted, the other ghosting lightly over my breasts, down my stomach and over my hips and thighs before returning to my chest. When his large hand closed firmly over one breast I moaned into his mouth, pressing my thighs together.

He broke the kiss. "Inside," he rasped, fastening his hand around my upper arm and towing me back to the dock. He lifted himself out of the water in one smooth move, turning to me and reaching for my hand, hauling me out easily. Swinging me into his arms, he strode purposefully back toward the cabin and set me on my feet on the porch. He picked up one of the towels I had dropped there and dried us quickly, then wrapped me in the towel and picked me up again, pushing the door open with his shoulder and depositing me next to the buffalo hide – Emmett's contribution to the décor - in front of the fireplace.

"Stay here," he ordered, disappearing into the bedroom for a moment before returning with his arms full of pillows and quilts, snatched hurriedly from the bed. He spread them out on top of the hide and pulled my towel off me, casting it aside hurriedly and drawing me down onto the blankets. We lay down side by side and he pulled one of the quilts over our hips.

Our noses mere inches apart, I watched the firelight dance over the chiseled planes of his face and turn his topaz eyes to molten lava. The heat in them wasn't only due to the fire; his intent was quite clear until seconds later, his eyes shifted out of focus and I knew I had lost him to his worries yet again.

"Don't," I said, grasping his chin and making him focus on me. "We'll deal with it tomorrow. Put it to the back of your mind for tonight."

"I can't, Esme!" he cried, frustrated with himself. "I tried. Jacob's memorial is in three days, and I can't see a way out of this that won't attract the wrong kind of attention to us. We can fake Bella's disappearance or death, but if she disappears or dies under my care, Charlie will be down here like a shot and local law enforcement will be involved, drawing a spotlight on us that we can't afford. If Bella simply refuses to go and it gets back to Billy Black, it will get back to the pack too. They will think we either changed her, or are somehow keeping her from them. Neither option will go down well. If they believe we broke the treaty, they could make things very difficult for us. We are not ready for another change of identity. For a start, it is far too soon to move Bella safely…"

I let him rant, make and discard plans and generally talk himself in circles, the way he had since it happened, coming no closer to a solution. All I could do was listen and wait until he finally ran out of words. I watched him, lying partially on his back and staring at the ceiling, the fingers of one hand buried in his messy hair. It had dried all over the place and at that moment he reminded me very much of a blond Edward, complete with the brooding look of worry on his face. I unsuccessfully choked back a giggle and Carlisle turned his head to look at me.

"What?" he asked curiously, one corner of his mouth quirking upward.

Laughter bubbled up again. "If I didn't know any better, I could actually believe you are Edward's father. Your hair is sticking up every which way, just like his, and you are looking positively emo right now, to borrow from the kids' vocabulary."

The worry melted away and his face creased as he burst out laughing. "That is both the nicest and the most horrible thing you have ever said to me," he snorted, snaking an arm around my hips and pulling me closer.

I lay my head on his chest, exploring the skin of his stomach with my fingertips, sweeping them back and forth, lower and lower. His laughter faded and his stomach twitched, tensing up. "So…" I said, my voice husky, "you have a naked woman under the covers with you and there is not a soul, alive or undead, for miles…are you going to do something with me, or are you planning on making me listen to you complain all night?"

The last word turned into a shriek as I found myself on my back with my husband looming over me, an incandescent figure forcing himself between my thighs, his hands fisting around my wrists and pressing them to the pillows. He smirked down at me, hair falling into his flashing eyes. "Is that a challenge?" he murmured dangerously, throaty menace in his tone.

"Whatever gets your mind off your worries and on to me, where they currently belong," I gasped as he released my wrists, moving his hands to my head and tightening them in my hair, holding my head still so he could give my mouth the attention it deserved.

I continued to speak, but he completely ignored me, bending his head and silencing my mouth with his. I mumbled on through his kiss for a second or two more before finally giving up with a soft muffled moan.

* * *

For the remainder of the night Carlisle made love to me with a desperate edge, and I knew his concerns were still very much a presence, though he made every effort to keep them at bay for tonight. When we weren't making love, we were either talking about everything and nothing – except for our current problem – or reading to each other from one of the many books that lined the shelves. When the morning sun finally exploded against the windows, we reluctantly left our nest of blankets and prepared to get back to the real world.

When we got back to the house, I managed to lure Carlisle into the bathroom for a shower and one last frantic coupling against the tiles before we dressed and prepared to face the family. I watched as Carlisle buttoned up his shirt and tucked it into his slacks. Gone was my disheveled lover from the night before; in his place stood Dr. Carlisle Cullen, head of the Cullen clan, immaculately dressed and not a hair out of place.

While Carlisle headed down to the dining room, I rounded up the rest of the family. I went to Edward's room last to find him exactly where I left him, lying on the wrought iron bed he had bought for Bella when she was still human. He was propped up on pillows with Bella wrapped around him, her head on his chest, staring blindly at the wall. I couldn't see Bella's face, hidden as it was by her tangled mess of hair, but Edward looked worried and gaunt. Although he'd hunted only days ago, the stress of the last couple of days had burned through his reserves of energy and his eyes were a dark amber, almost black, his lower lids smudged with purple shadows. He needed to hunt again, preferably soon.

I moved quietly toward the bed and sat on the side closest to him, leaning forward and gently pushing the hair away from his forehead. "We need you downstairs, Edward," I said softly. He shifted his head slightly to look at me, his expression unchanging.

"How is she?" I asked, reaching for Bella and rubbing my hand gently up and down her back. She gave no indication that she even knew I was there. My heart ached for my sweet baby.

"Not good." His voice was rough with disuse. "She won't talk, she barely moves…" he said, his voice breaking. "I'm not sure she is even aware of her surroundings right now."

"Oh, Edward," I cried softly, leaning forward to kiss him on the forehead, and cupping his cheek. "I know this is hard for you, but she will be fine. I am sure of it. This happened at the worst possible time for her, and it will be difficult; it may even delay her development for a little, but she will make it through. I promise you that. Now come on down to the dining room. Bella, you can stay here if you want, sweetheart."

No reaction from her.

I sighed and stood, leaving the room and shutting the door quietly behind me while Edward tried to rouse Bella and get her to come with him.

Just as I got downstairs, Jasper walked in, having been summoned back from his self-imposed solitude by a phone call from Alice. He looked worse than Edward and I was in front of him in a flash, pulling him into my arms. "My poor boy," I murmured, as he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in the crook of my neck for a moment. "How are you holding up?"

"I am hanging on," he croaked, pulling back to look down at me. "It is getting harder for me to keep from projecting her emotions at you all. And forget about helping her. Right now I can't rustle up enough calm to sedate a fly."

"Then don't try," I said, reaching for his hands. "Jasper, if you need to, leave for a few days. Take Alice and get a suite at the Alpine Lodge. We can manage without you for a while."

"God, Esme," he gasped, a hitch in his voice. "The memories…they are so hard to handle."

He didn't have to say another word. Jasper's beginnings were mired in despair, and the way Bella was feeling right now must have been reminding him of a time he desperately wanted to forget but never could.

"Come," I said firmly, drawing him along with me. "We need to decide what we are going to do; afterward, you and Alice can disappear for a while. You need a break."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied with a small smile.

Everyone except Bella was seated around the dining room table when we walked in. Jasper took a seat next to Alice, reaching for her hand immediately, and I sat down next to Carlisle. He looked calm, composed and every inch the patriarch as he summarized our current predicament and outlined all our various options and their downsides.

"We have some difficult decision to make, and I need your input," he concluded, turning to Alice. "Is there anything you can see that might help us come to a decision?"

She shook her head. "Nothing helpful," she said dolefully. "Just flashes. No one has made any firm decisions yet, so everything is a jumble. Things are changing so fast I can't make heads or tails of what I am seeing."

"Then maybe it is time we made…" He was interrupted at the sound of Bella making her way downstairs. We waited with bated breath for her to join us but she simply passed by the dining room, heading straight into the den.

All eyes turned to Alice, whose eyes had gone out of focus, irises darting back and forth. Edward sat up straighter, sharp eyes fixed on his sister. A look of profound relief suddenly flooded his face and he sank back into his seat. "Thank God," he murmured weakly.

Alice came out of her trance abruptly, beaming at all of us. "Well done, Bella!" she sang happily. "The meeting is over, Carlisle. Bella is about to solve all our problems!"

Carlisle frowned in confusion. "What do you mean, Alice?" he asked her.

She held up a finger. "Just wait," she whispered, cocking her head. We fell silent, listening to Bella as she made a phone call.

She was calling Billy Black. Breaking down within seconds of greeting him, she told him she couldn't bear to be there for Jake's memorial. She was not yet able to accept that he was gone and attending his memorial would make it real for her. She couldn't take that yet. In a conversation choked with sobs interspersed with murmured words of comfort from Billy, she managed to get him to absolve her from coming to back to Forks. He could hear how genuinely distraught she was, how incapable she was of making the journey and dealing with the stress. After speaking to Billy, she immediately called her father to tell him she wouldn't be coming back. Charlie was disappointed but understanding, especially when she told him she'd already spoken to Billy.

When she had ended her call with her father and her sobs had quieted down to the occasional hiccup, she made her way back toward the stairs, pausing in the entry way of the dining room when she saw us all staring at her with our mouths agape.

"What?" she said, her voice devoid of emotion. Her scarlet eyes were dead, shadows dark as bruises beneath them. When nobody said anything, she spoke again. "This just goes to prove a theory of mine," she said pensively.

"What theory, honey?" I asked, a little too brightly.

"There really is such a thing as too much education. I've notice that overly educated people often overlook the simplest solutions. None of you considered appealing to Billy's kind nature and telling him I was in no condition to come." Her tone and expression didn't change but in her eyes, for just the merest second before she disappeared upstairs again, we saw a dull gleam of amusement. Edward was after her like a shot.

The relief that washed over us was palpable and amplified by Jasper. Bella was going to be fine. All of this worry, all of this brainstorming, yet a group of the most educated people in the world with centuries of experience between them couldn't outthink an eighteen year old newborn.

"Well," Rosalie said dryly, inspecting the nails on her right hand. "That was anticlimactic. I take it we are done here?" She addressed her question to Carlisle.

"I guess we are," he replied, looking a little startled by this turn of events.

Rosalie got up, stretching like a cat. "Emmett," she said, sweeping regally out of the room without checking to make sure he was following her. "I need a break from all the drama. Take me somewhere nice and private. Preferably a luxury cabin somewhere; I'd like to make some noise." Emmett was already furiously stabbing buttons on his cell phone as he followed his mate out of the room.

"I call dibs on the Alpine Lodge, so stay away from there!" Alice piped up, dragging a grinning Jasper behind her.

"Don't be gone too long!" I called out after them as the babel of their lively voices faded, leaving my reasons for wanting them back soon unspoken. Bella needed her family around her right now, but the kids also needed a break from the sadness and I could use some more alone time with my husband now that Bella was no longer weighing quite so heavily on his mind. It would also give Bella and Edward some much needed privacy.

"Let's go back to the cabin," Carlisle said, as if reading my mind. "Now. You and I have some unfinished business to attend to."

"And what unfinished business would that be?" I said innocently, pretending not to understand. I walked into the kitchen to see if my plants from yesterday were still salvageable. They were. Barely.

Carlisle was right behind me. His roaming hands fastened onto my hips and pulled me back against him, quite roughly. "I need to love you properly," he growled against my neck, "giving you my full, _undivided_ attention this time."

My insides turned to water but I played hard to get for a little while longer. "That sounds nice." I tried for nonchalant, but the tremor in my voice betrayed me. "I'll just plant these, and then we can go," I continued, picking up the basket and trying to slip out of his grip.

His arm slid around my midsection, tightening in an unbreakable band around me. His other hand shot out and fastened around my wrist holding the basket. "Drop it," he said, his voice firm and dark as a velvet summer night.

"But they'll die if…"

"There are plenty more where they came from," he rasped impatiently, his hand tightening. "Drop. It."

I dropped it, and turned in his arms to look up at his face. He looked like a hawk, his eyes feral, predatory.

_Oh. I see._

Since the time I was no longer a newborn, I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times Carlisle had exerted his dominance over me. Each and every time had come after a period of profound uncertainty when he had seriously doubted himself and his actions. I might not completely understand it, but it was his coping mechanism and each and every time I had willingly given myself over to it, letting him be what he needed to be and do what he needed to do. This time was no different.

His face softened when he saw the understanding and acceptance in my eyes. He let me go, opening the back door and wordlessly standing aside so I could pass through before him. I had barely taken two steps when my feet disappeared out from underneath me and I found myself swept up into his arms as if he were afraid I would try and run away or not move fast enough for his taste.

Whatever his reasons, I didn't fight him. Winding my arms around his neck, I relaxed in his arms and let him carry me into the woods. I didn't care where he was taking me or what he had planned for me when we got there. I was for him, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

**Note**: I don't remember much, if anything, about Esme's past with Carlisle, but it never made sense to me that she would take kindly to having been turned into a vampire without her consent. She lost her baby and didn't want to live, and she is supposed to be OK with waking up a vampire? I think not. Anyway, I had always intended for her beginnings with Carlisle to be rocky, even though I don't think it was in the books.


	6. Bella: Esme

I received some wonderful reviews and PMs to my last chapter, but I haven't gotten around to replying to any of them yet. I figured you would prefer an actual update to a reply, and as soon as I post this, I will start on my replies. In the meanwhile, thanks so much for all your kind words. I'd be lying if I said they made me write faster, but sometimes writing feels like homework to me, and your lovely words make it a lot more fun.

This is shorter than my usual offerings, but I don't feel so bad about that considering that this is going up days after the last chapter was posted. Also, this is unbeta-ed, so be prepared for a potential over-abundance (or blatant misuse) of commas, transitional expressions and comma splices.

* * *

**Bella**:

"What are you doing?" Edward asked, appearing suddenly behind me. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and propped his chin on the top of my head to peer at my monitor.

I reached for his hand and squeezed it in greeting. "I want to do something for myself to commemorate Jake," I replied absently, clicking on the next link. "I just need to figure out what I can afford. I'm starting to run out of money."

Jacob had been gone for almost two months now. Because he died in wolf form, he had been cremated almost immediately in a private ceremony deep in the wilderness attended only by the pack, and those who were closest to them and new about their secret. Not long thereafter Billy had sent me some of his ashes – the rest had been scattered by the pack in locations that held meaning for each individual pack member. My share of Jake's ashes currently resided in a pretty carved jar, but I wanted to find something more permanent, some way to keep him close to me always.

Of all the options I had found, one stood out above all others. Unfortunately, it would eat up a sizeable chunk of my savings and I couldn't justify spending that much money when I only had a finite amount. Still, I allowed myself to dream, clicking through beautiful pictures of colored diamonds that had been created out of the ashes of the deceased. Even if I could afford to have Jake turned into a diamond - a Jakestone, I called it - I would still need to get in mounted on a pendant, or maybe something for the charm bracelet that already held Jake's carved wolf and Edward's heart-shaped diamond. Giving the stones a last longing look, I closed the website and turned my attention back to Edward.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked, forcing down the ever present grief welling up inside me.

"I said, what do you mean you're running out of money?" His tone was one of surprise. "Bella, we're among the richest people in the country. You're absolutely loaded. You can get anything you want."

"No, _you_ are among the richest people in the country," I countered, frowning as yet another website yielded nothing but a 404 error. "_You_ are absolutely loaded. I just have my college money." I closed the window and went back to my search page, not immediately noticing that Edward had stiffened and pulled away from me. What I did notice was the uncomfortable silence that followed and gradually grew deafening.

I turned to find Edward standing rigid, his fists balled at his sides and an unreadable expression on his face as he stared at me.

"Edward?" I asked cautiously. "What's wrong?"

"It is _our_ money, Bella," he ground out through clenched teeth. "_Everything_ I have is yours."

Now it was my turn to stiffen. I knew exactly where this discussion was headed and apparently so did Edward, because he looked like he was gearing up for one hell of a fight. Before I could say anything, he spoke again.

"Where is the credit card I gave you?" he said sharply.

"I...uh...it's right here," I stammered, pointing at one of my desk drawers. I wasn't entirely certain what his point was.

Edward marched right over to my desk, pulled out the drawer and began rifling through it.

"What the hell?" I flared up at the blatant invasion. I had nothing to hide from him, but he was acting like a Victorian father looking for illicit love letters and it was pissing me off. "Edward, what..." I stopped when he held up the credit card in question, a sleek black American Express card. Apparently it was issued by invitation only to the wealthiest people in the world, and it came with concierge service, of all silly things.

He glared at it and then at me, holding it up. "You haven't even activated this, Bella," he said accusingly. "Why?"

"I told you," I bristled. "I have my own money. I don't need it. It isn't like I have to pay rent or buy groceries, anyway. I can make do with what I have for now..."

"Bella," he interrupted with exaggerated patience, enunciating my name as if I were a fractious child. "You are my mate and my responsibility. What's mine is yours, and that's final." He slammed the card rather forcefully on the desk in front of me. "Now activate this card and use it for whatever you want."

When I was still human, Edward's caveman tactics intimidated me and I'd almost always meekly given in. I avoided arguing with him while doing what I wanted behind his back anyway, in my own passive-aggressive way. Unfortunately for Edward I wasn't that girl anymore. I had no desire to placate him, preferring to stand up for myself and what I wanted.

"Ed-ward," I said, in the same patronizing tone he had used with me. "I won't be a kept woman. I want to pay my own way. I know at some point I'll need money and will have to find away to earn a living but until then..."

As I spoke, listing the reasons, most of them perfectly valid, why I didn't want his money, Edward grew increasingly agitated. He paced back and forth, clutching at his head and mussing his already messy hair even more. Agitated, messy-haired Edward was very attractive to me for some reason, and his countenance was just distracting enough for my verbal filter to go temporarily offline. I said something I really shouldn't have.

"...if we were married, it would be one thing, but we aren't..." My verbal filter reengaged suddenly and I clamped my mouth shut, biting off the rest of my words. Unfortunately, by then it was too late.

"It's not from lack of trying on my part!!!" he roared, turning on me and taking a step closer. "Marry me and there won't be a problem!"

"Wow. That is some proposal, Romeo. How can I resist? Club me over the head and drag me back to your cave by the hair, why don't you?" I ranted sarcastically, standing up and taking a step closer myself. "Anyway, I thought we agreed to talk about this when I wasn't a newborn anymore!"

We were practically nose to nose now. Edward was glaring down at me, quaking with rage and trying to use his superior size to intimidate me. "You're the one who brought it up!" he shouted, getting even closer.

I was about to yell at him to back the hell out of my personal space when someone knocked loudly on the door.

"Not now!" he snarled at whoever it was without taking his eyes off mine.

"Hey!" I barked, poking him in the chest. "This is my room; I decide who gets to come in..."

Before I was even able to get all the words out, the door opened and Esme walked in looking pretty riled up herself.

"I said not now, Esme!" Edward snapped, still glaring at me.

"Don't take that tone of voice with me, young man," she countered sharply, and if it weren't for the fact that I was in a towering rage I would have laughed about Esme - who wasn't much older than Edward - calling my centenarian mate a "young man".

To his credit, Edward subsided immediately. "I apologize, Esme," he said sincerely, looking at her. "That was unforgivably rude of me. I meant no disrespect."

"Thank you, Edward," she said, inclining her head. "Now, I have heard just about enough out of both of you. You are not going to solve anything by shouting at each other. You," she continued, pointing at Edward, "are going hunting with your brothers. Don't come back until you have burned off some of that excess energy. As for you," - she turned her finger on me - "I need your help outside. Put on some old clothes and meet me by the vegetable garden. There is weeding to do. Edward, what are you still doing here? Jasper and Emmett are waiting. Now go before I lose my temper."

Without another word, Edward meekly preceded Esme out of the room. "You have three minutes, Bella," she said, pinning me with a stern glare and closing the door.

I walked over to the day bed and sank down on it, feeling very shaky on the inside. Though this was by no means the first argument Edward and I had ever had, it was easily the most heated, and concerned the most serious subject we'd ever fought over.

We argued a lot more now that I was a vampire than when I was human. I attributed this to the fact that I was no longer the meek and mild human Bella. I was a vampire and his equal - my newborn status non-withstanding - and I stood up to him accordingly. Unfortunately for me, Edward was at least as stubborn as I was and usually wouldn't bend, which made for some pretty explosive fights often followed by equally explosive make-up sex (or angry sex, depending on the outcome of our fights). I was not looking forward to picking up this particular argument where we left off, though I knew we would have to at some point.

Upon hearing Esme call me impatiently from the garden, I realized my three minutes were up. Dressing quickly in old sweats and a t-shirt, I was outside before she could call for me again. I hopped up on the terrace wall, cleared Esme's wildflowers with a single leap and loped down the sloping, shaggy lawn to where she had her vegetable patch.

I was surprised at first that Esme bothered with a veggie patch, since we didn't eat. She told me she loved gardening, and during the growing season she and Rosalie regularly made deliveries of fresh produce to the nearest women's shelter where both of them occasionally volunteered. I was looking forward to the time when I might accompany them, but despite the fact that I had now been a vampire for just over a year, I was no closer to being allowed around humans. There was still no change in my eye color and my strength had yet to wane.

Carlisle seemed to think that the shock of losing Jacob had caused a setback in my development. For two weeks after his death I was mostly catatonic, only leaving my room or Edward's when someone forced me to. When I finally came out of my shell I was moody, short-tempered and withdrawn, and prone to sudden outbursts of grief or anger. For a while it did seem like I had reverted to the snapping, snarling feral newborn I was when I was first changed. At first the family was very understanding, supporting me lovingly and not taking offense when I lashed out at them. I didn't like the way I was acting, but just couldn't seem to stop myself. In order to avoid being a burden and hurting them, I tried to isolate myself. Unfortunately they didn't let me, which made me lash out even more. When my attitude didn't improve, I started hearing rumblings of "the vampire equivalent of the terrible twos" around the house.

Jasper was the first to snap. After enduring my bad attitude and random complaining for an hour as I sat of the floor of his study defacing one of Alice's magazines, he had slammed his book down and surged off the sofa with a muttered expletive, hauling me to my feet by the arm and smacking me once on the backside, like a parent correcting his bratty five year old. I stood there, speechless, one hand rubbing my stinging butt cheek as I stared up at him, my mouth hanging open in surprised outrage. "You act like a child, I treat you like one," he stated matter of factly, releasing my arm.

Humiliated and angry, I sulked in my room for two days, refusing to speak to anyone except Edward until a brief and unpleasant visit from Carlisle finally made me see the error of my ways. As Esme put it later, grief did not give one an excuse to be rude to ones nearest and dearest. I didn't take that to heart until I made the mistake of snapping at Carlisle. That was also the first time that I'd seen first hand the scary side of him that I'd heard so much about from the others. Being read the riot act by kindly Dr. Carlisle Cullen was nothing compared to the same scolding delivered by a 360-plus-year-old preacher's son turned vampire.

"You need to snap out of it, and _now_," he said sternly, "or that attitude will become ingrained and fixed." Whether this was true, or akin to humans telling their human children to stop making faces or their faces would "freeze that way", I didn't know at the time. Duly chastened - and a little bit frightened - I quickly changed my attitude.

I found out later that there _had_ been a definite fear that my behavior might become a permanent part of my nature. While it was true that change did not come easily to "adult" vampires, newborns existed in a state of flux and were very much prone to change in the first year of their vampire lives. When entering the transitional phase during which they burned through the last of their human blood and their strength waned, their prevailing character and attitude could become set in stone. Jacob's death occurring so close to the end of my first year had caused quite a bit of worry to my family. In any case, three weeks after they had begun, my "terrible twos" were over, to the relief of everyone. I still grieved deeply and painfully for Jacob, but no longer made everyone's life miserable in the process.

"Ah, there you are," Esme said crisply, drawing me out of my musings. "I want you to start weeding the tomatoes - human speed, please. And while we work, I want you to tell me what just happened between you and Edward."

"I would have thought you'd heard every word," I muttered reaching for the bucket she was holding out to me. "We were certainly loud enough." I sank to my knees and started weeding the row of tomatoes, as instructed.

"I heard most of it," she said, starting on the lettuce, "but I don't know how it started. I'd like to hear it all from you now that you have calmed down. Without the shouting, please."

"Well," I started, throwing a hand full of weeds into the bucket, "long story short, I refused to use any of Edward's money or the credit card he gave me, and he got all bent out of shape about it. I don't see what is so wrong with being independent. What is the big deal with wanting to use my own money?"

Esme paused in what she was doing and looked at me. "Bella," she said carefully, "your money won't last forever, at least not as things stand right now. Furthermore, you won't be in a position to make your own for the foreseeable future. You need spending money. You don't want Alice buying all your clothes, do you?"

"Ugh, no," I said, rolling my eyes. "I would like to be able to buy my own stuff." Alice had different tastes than I had, and had a tendency to ignore my wishes in the matter of my wardrobe, leading me to wonder if pushiness was a common trait among vampires.

"Would you be more comfortable if Carlisle gave you an allowance?" she suggested.

I winced. I found that idea was only _slightly_ more palatable than taking money from Edward. Carlisle was my de facto father, so it made sense that he should be the one to support me while I was unable to support myself. Still, I didn't much like that idea either. Esme was right though, I needed my own money. Mine wouldn't last long, and unless I wanted the others to buy everything I needed for me, I would need some kind of income.

"I supposed that would be alright," I said reluctantly. "I don't like it, but I don't see that I have a choice."

"Ok, when we're done here, we can go and talk to Carlisle about it, if that is what you want. But Bella, there's something I would like you to consider first." She waited until she had my full attention before continuing. "Edward loves you more than he has ever loved anything or anyone. If you need confirmation of that, which I don't think you do, talk to Jasper. He's also a very old-fashioned man who would like nothing more than to marry you, shower you with gifts, take care of you and keep you sheltered from all that is ugly in the world. He would give you the world, honey, and he can _almost_ afford it. If you decide to take Carlisle's money and not his, he will be deeply, _deeply_ hurt. Is your pride worth that?"

I thought about that for a moment. "No..." I said hesitantly, standing up to go empty my bucket on the compost heap. When I got back, Esme continued.

"You're a modern young woman, Bella, which is as it should be. You are correct in wanting to be in charge of your own financial future, but you should also allow your mate to share what's his with you. Relationships are about compromise. Take my advice; share in Edward's wealth and everything else he has to offer, invest your own money, and learn how to manage it yourself. With Alice's gift and her help, you should be able to build up a sizeable nest egg in a few years and never have to worry about your finances should the unthinkable happen and you end up alone."

I finished the tomatoes and moved on to the row of carrots. "Do you have your own money, Esme?" I asked quickly, not even wanting to think about what would have to happen for me to end up alone.

Esme dusted her hands off on her jeans and readjusted her ponytail, turning her face up to the late afternoon sun for a moment. "If you mean do I have any money that is in my name only, I do. Not that I have ever touched any of it. I reinvest it periodically, but other than that I pretty much leave it alone. I felt the same way you do, once. It was Carlisle's idea that I should have my own money. He loaned me some, which I invested. I insisted on repaying him, of course. Eventually, the boundaries between us blurred and what belonged to who didn't matter anymore. Everything that was once his is now owned jointly by the both of us, and any money I have made since belongs to him as well as me."

"And the money that is in your name only...?"

"Honestly? That stopped mattering years ago. It was a security blanket, and I keep it as a reminder of something I don't really need to remember anymore. It no longer serves its purpose. In fact, when we change identities again I might just finally let it go."

* * *

"I suppose you're right," I sighed, leaning back into the armchair and inhaling deeply of the hot, scented steam emanating from the delicate eggshell cup I cradled carefully in my hands. "I'll take the stupid credit card and let him take care of me. But really, does he have to be so domineering about it?"

We were comfortable ensconced in the kitchen enjoying the peace of a mostly empty house. Once we had finished with the weeding, I followed Esme along the row of tomatoes with a tray while she picked the ones that were ripe. "They bruise if you just pile them in a basket," she explained when I eyed the tray in confusion. Carrying our bounty into the kitchen, we put the tomatoes in the fridge with the rest of the veggies that would go to the shelter tomorrow. After we washed the dirt off our hands, Esme made us a pot of jasmine tea.

Although we did not drink it, sharing a pot of tea around the kitchen fire had become a tradition for Esme and me. We would enjoy the heat of the tea through the thin porcelain of her mother's tea service, occasionally holding the cups up to our faces to inhale the fragrant steam.

Esme was in her element in the kitchen. It truly was her room. Large and light, it boasted a long wooden farmhouse table where the family would congregate for game night, and a raised open fire place in one corner. She had arranged a couple of cozy armchairs around it, complete with nesting tables that could be pulled out and placed near the chairs. Her personal touch was everywhere; her tapestry basket on the floor next to her chair, overflowing with a tangled jumble of colorful yarn, a sketchbook and box of well used art supplies on one of the side tables, a cork board on the wall with notes, drawings and random snapshots of all of us pinned neatly to its surface. Her abstract artwork adorned the walls, and her favorite books and cookbooks lined the windowsills. The kitchen was Esme's domain.

It had lured me in last fall, after we had first moved in here. Drawn in by a delicious scent that grew harsher and more cloying the closer I got to the kitchen, I found several bushels of apples from our tree in baskets on the table, an array of spices on the counter and Esme baking pies and making apple sauce. That had been my first exposure to human food post-transformation, and I found out that food didn't actually smell bad to us; it was just so much stronger, richer and with so many more layers of scent to it, that it was often too much for our sensitive noses to handle. Sometimes, it was frankly unpleasant.

Nevertheless, and to my utter surprise, I found that really missed food. Until I was no longer able to eat it, I hadn't realized how much it permeated almost all human social interactions. Esme taught me that despite the fact that we could no longer enjoy the taste of it, there was still pleasure to be had from the smell of human food and the rituals surrounding it, which I had discovered when she sat me down and prepared my first cup of very weak jasmine tea. It smelled a little like freshly mown hay had smelled to me when I was human; pungent, earthy and sweet. Unfortunately it tasted quite revolting, as I found out when I forgot myself for a moment and took a sip.

Esme placed her cup carefully on the saucer and laughed contentedly at my characterization of her baby boy as "domineering". "Remember what time period he is from, Bella," she said, setting her cup aside. "If this were 1918, you'd already be married to him, sitting at home eating bonbons and probably pregnant. You would have no idea how much money Edward had, and have no right to the information. You would live a sheltered and protected life, you would have no idea what was going on in the world and you can bet Edward would have kept anything unpleasant from you."

"Like that part has changed," I snorted into my tea.

"The concept of 'belonging' to someone isn't nearly as romantic when it is literal, no matter how kind your husband is," Esme continued, getting serious. "It is infinitely less so when the man who as good as owns you is…" Her voice thickened and she stopped, her hand fluttering in the vicinity of her throat.

"Oh, Esme," I cried softly, my voice breaking.

She waved me off, taking a moment to compose herself. "It's ok, Bella. It's so far in the past, it doesn't matter anymore. That was another lifetime, and one I only remember in bits and pieces."

_Maybe…but how vivid her memories of those bits and pieces must be._

I pulled my legs up under me, settling deeper into the armchair. "We are lucky women, aren't we?" I said, trying for a lighter subject.

"That we are," she said with a soft smile. She picked up her sketchbook and turned the page over to start another sketch. Reaching for a piece of charcoal, she started drawing.

We sat in companionable silence for a while. Though darkness had fallen outside, to my vampire eyes the fire-lit room looked like it was washed in the bright pinks and golds of sunset. The shifting colors flickered over walls and surfaces like they were reflected off water and chased the deeper shadows away. I closed my eyes, humming in contentment, listening idly to the crackling of the fire and the soft rasp of charcoal on paper as Esme laid an unknown drawing down on the page with sure strokes.

"Bella?" she asked softly, pausing in her work.

I stirred and opened my eyes. "Mmmm?"

She set her pad and charcoal down and reached for our cups, emptying the cooling liquid into the empty milk jug before taking the pot off the heater and pouring us some fresh tea. "What exactly are your objections to marriage, if you don't mind my asking?"

I had already spent a lot of time pondering the subject since Edward was so eager to get a ring on my finger, yet I was still unclear on some of my issues with marriage. Some, but not all.

"Frankly, Esme, I don't see the point. If I want to spend my life with someone I'm going to spend my life with them and I don't need an antiquated ritual and a piece of paper to do it. It only causes problems when the relationship falls apart and the couple separates. With no marriage, there is no hassle of divorce."

She nodded thoughtfully, toying with one warm caramel curl. "So, you didn't want to get married because you believe most marriages don't last and you don't want to go through the whole hassle of a divorce?"

"In a nutshell," I said. "That's one of the reasons, anyway."

"Do you think you and Edward won't last?"

"No, on the contrary, I believe Edward and I are in it for the long haul. Then again, everyone says that of their relationship, and still over half of all marriages end in divorce, so…" I shrugged eloquently.

"True. But you and Edward are vampires, and the bond between mated vampires is virtually unbreakable."

"I guess…" I said uncertainly, thinking I knew where she was headed with this.

"And anyway, your marriage would only last for as long as we keep our current identities." She was observing me intently. "So all in all, that isn't a valid reason for not marrying Edward."

"No, I suppose it isn't," I mused, starting to feel a little more hopeful.

"Ok, what else? What are your other objections to getting married?"

As I looked into the writhing flames and pondered the various reasons I was against the institution of marriage I realized that while all of my objections were perfectly valid to me as a human, they didn't apply to me as a vampire, and they _certainly_ didn't apply to Edward and I as a couple.

The proverbial scales fell from my eyes and I almost spilled my tea. "You know what, Esme?" I said, breaking into a huge smile. "I don't think any of my objections are valid anymore."

"Sooo…" she said, looking at me with a hopeful glimmer in her eyes.

"So, I'm going to have to rethink my position," I said noncommittally. I figured I would probably agree to marry Edward eventually, but I didn't want to say it out lout yet. I didn't want to make any firm decisions on that subject while I was still dealing with newborn issues.

"Well it can't hurt," she said cheerfully, loading the tea things onto a tray before standing and carrying it over to the counter by the sink. When she returned she reached for her sketchbook, tearing off the page on which she had been drawing and handing it to me. It was a close-up of my face, eyes closed, partially illuminated by firelight, the rest of me cast in deep shadows. She had exaggerated them to make me look like I would if seen through human eyes. It was a beautiful study of light and darkness, and I had every intention of having it framed to hang in my room. If Edward didn't steal it from me, that was.

"You know, Edward has already had the paperwork drawn up. To add your name to everything he owns, I mean," she said, rinsing out the teapot and placing it in the dish drain. "I think he is waiting to see what name to use for you. I don't mean if you get married and change your name," she continued quickly. "When we change identities, we need to dispose of our wealth in a way that does not look suspicious or draw attention. I think he is trying to avoid having to do it all again."

I said nothing. Although it had been unexpected, I wasn't really surprised that Edward should be preparing to give me access to everything he owned. It was a sobering thought, but one I would just have to accept.

* * *

We were standing by the sink drying the rest of the dishes when we heard the boys coming home. They were still a good distance away, but we could already hear them crashing through the undergrowth as they pushed and shoved their way home. A minute later, their voices became audible as well.

"…you're such a Diva, Edward," Emmett was saying, delivering the ultimate insult, at least in his mind. "You need to man up and…"

"You're just jealous because I kicked your butt _as usual_…" Edward threw back, interrupting him.

"…and let's not forget I whipped both you asses," Jasper interjected smugly.

I looked at Esme and smirked. "…and a good time was had by all," I laughed, rinsing out the sponge and propping it in its caddy. The door crashed open as Esme was replacing the teapot on the sideboard and Emmett barged in, followed by Jasper. They called out a greeting as they passed by, but their banter as they headed out of the kitchen was lost on me as my eyes fell on Edward standing in the doorway, a resigned look on his face as he watched me warily.

A sharp pang of guilt lanced through me. I could tell he'd decided to give in to me even though it hurt him, and I felt absolutely terrible. He did not understand my inability to accept anything material from him when I did from everyone else, and frankly neither did I. It was stupid and it needed to end.

Without truly realizing it, I came to a decision.

Upstairs, Alice suddenly screamed in excitement, jumping up and down from the sound of it and babbling incoherently.

Edward frowned and seemed to look inward for a moment. His face went blank with shock and then flooded with a look of pure, unadulterated joy. He looked like a little boy on Christmas morning.

"Edward," I said, holding out my hand to him. With a brilliant smile, he put his hand in mine. Gripping it firmly, I towed him along behind me, leading him back to my room where all the drama had started. When I reached my desk I let him go, fished my cell phone out of my pocket and picked up the credit card. Edward just stood there, watching me curiously as I dialed the number to activate the card. Once I was done, I propped the card between the keys on my keyboard. I would be able to get my Jakestone now and I had Edward - and Esme - to thank for it. I turned back to face Edward.

I had never seen him look so happy.

The familiar feeling of guilt stabbed through me again and wished it hadn't taken me so long to get a clue. "I've been an idiot, Edward," I said, reaching for his hands and pulling them around my waist, inviting him to hold me, "and when I'm no longer a newborn, I would be proud to..."

He put a finger on my lips quickly, silencing me. "Wait," he said huskily. "Don't say anything. When you aren't a newborn anymore, I will ask you officially. Save your answer until then."

"What!? No!" we heard Alice yelp. Whatever else she said was muffled, Jasper having no doubt silenced her physically. "Shut up, Pixie," he muttered fondly. "Don't push them. They'll do it when they are good and ready."

Understanding dawned suddenly. Alice must have seen that Edward and I would be getting married and Edward must have read it in her mind. That's why she screamed so excitedly, and why he looked like a kid on Christmas morning downstairs.

I was pretty sure Edward would want the whole human experience. He would most probably arrange a romantic getaway and get down on one knee to ask me to marry him. Knowing him, he would probably want a fairy tale wedding on top of everything else.

Which Alice would no doubt want to plan.

In fact, she was probably already working on it right now. I groaned and dropped my head in my hands while Edward laughed delightedly at me.

_Oh God _I thought wryly_, I'm toast._

* * *

Next up...I am going to attempt Emmett again. Given the trouble I had with his chapters, I have no idea when I will finish and post it.


	7. Bella: Emmett

**Notes: **

1. Well, my little fruit bats. Imagine my shock a few months ago when I looked at my profile page and noticed it had been almost a year since I updated. Disgraceful. I've not been completely idle...I did write 6 chapters of another story. And real life had been brutal. Nevertheless, I apologize for the long wait.

2. Big Ninja junky thanks to **Kalimando** and **Desie** for the relentless pimping of my stories. I'm incredibly flattered, and I wish I didn't make it so difficult for you by not updating. You are the best.

3. This chapter refers to my other stories more so than any other chapter so far, so for those who haven't read them I have included an explanation at the end of this chapter. There is no need to go and read my other stories; I am told that this one stands alone for the most part, and I think the explanations will be enough.

* * *

**Bella**:

"How is this fair, Emmett?" I grumbled, slapping a generous glob of mortar down with my trowel and laying the cobblestone on top. A few sharp taps on the top settled it in place and I reached for the level to make sure it wasn't crooked.

"How is what fair?" Emmett asked me from his perch on an unbroken section of the wall. "That you have to fix the wall you broke alone, or that you have to use human speed?"

I dug some more mortar out of the bucket and slapped it down with force, splattering some on my face. "Technically, I didn't break it, you did," I muttered, wiping my face with my forearm.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't have broken it if you hadn't thrown me into it," he countered with a smug grin.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't have thrown you into it if you weren't so damn irritating all the time," I said, mimicking his tone.

"Yeah, well, if you had even a hint of control, you wouldn't have felt the need to shove me. And that stone is crooked, by the way." He nudged it out of position with his toe.

A shard of rage sliced through me. He was doing it again, deliberately goading me. I struggled to contain the ire that had gotten me into this mess in the first place. Before I could fail again though, I heard the softly spoken warning from inside the house.

"Emmett..." Esme admonished him quietly.

He had the grace to look contrite. "Seriously Bella," he said more kindly "you really don't know why you're doing this alone and at human speed?"

"I assume I'm being punished," I mumbled sulkily, "because there is no other reason for making me do this alone and at a snail's pace when together and using vampire speed, we could have finished in five minutes."

"Well, there's that, but it isn't the only reason."

"Why else, then?" I took a step back, eyeing the hapless retaining wall mutinously and gauging how much longer my task would take me.

He looked at me like I had recently parted ways with my brain. "Control, Bella," he said as if he was speaking to an idiot. "It teaches you control. Think of it as the vamp equivalent of a meditation walk…"

"What do _you_ know about meditation walks?" I snorted derisively.

"More than you know, and don't interrupt me when I am dispensing wisdom. Forcing yourself to work slowly teaches you how to center and calm yourself, which enables you to control yourself," he lectured. "If you can't resist harmless teasing from me, what do you think will happen if a human girl hits on Edward? You gonna throw her into a wall too? You'd probably kill her, and then what?"

"I wouldn't do that," I said hesitantly.

He raised an eyebrow. "You sure about that?"

OK, maybe I wasn't. "That doesn't explain why don't you have to help me this time."

"You know why, Bella," he said seriously. "You're reaching the end of your newborn phase. Your eyes are finally changing. You proved today that you could resist humans. This means your control had improved considerably; you should be able to resist my attempts to rile you without wanting to dismember me and trash the house with one of my legs."

"You're exaggerating, Emmett," I said sheepishly, ducking my head. "I didn't actually do that. And anyway, it was a long time ago."

He grinned. "Not that long ago, and it wasn't for lack of trying, Bells. It took three of us to take you down. But that was only an example. In any case, if you could resist the scent of that human, you should be able to resist a little teasing from me without having an episode. Maybe you'll think twice about going bat-shit if you have to fix the damage on your own from now on."

Pouting, I went back to rebuilding the terrace wall I had demolished using Emmett as a battering ram. House rules dictated that when we caused damage to our home or anything in it, we were responsible for fixing it ourselves. Most of the damage directly attributed to me had been caused because of Emmett. He delighted in teasing me, usually until I lost it and threw him into the nearest obstacle or through a window. Because of this, Emmett had always been made to help me.

Except for today. Today was the first time my "parents" were making me fix the damage by myself. This wasn't really a problem; I was an expert at fixing stuff by now. In fact, if I ever needed to make a living, I could easily become a handyman. Handyvamp. HandyVamp Enterprises, Bella Swan, Proprietor. I giggled inwardly at the thought, but still, I could probably do it. Masonry, carpentry, windows...I was almost an expert by now. Paying someone to fix your messes was not allowed, and that rule would have been upheld even if I wasn't still being kept away from humans.

Well, until now that is. As soon as I was finished with the wall, most of the family would be taking me out to be around humans properly, for the first time.

Suddenly, I was glad to be working at human speed.

I was excited and terrified. What if I couldn't handle it? What if I did something to reveal what we truly are? What if one of the humans was my singer? Could anyone stop me then? What if I _killed_ someone?

"Hey, kid…" Emmett's voice broke me out of my fear spiral. He hopped nimbly off the retaining wall and stood in front of me. "Over here," he said, raising a hand and drawing a line between my eyes and his with two fingers. "Look at me."

I blinked, focusing on him. Gone was Emmett the irrepressible prankster; in his place was Emmett the responsible, caring older brother. He didn't need to have Jasper's powers to know what was going on with me right then.

He put his hands on my shoulders and ducked down a little to look me straight in the eyes. "You'll be fine. I won't let you do anything you would regret. None of us will. You have my word. Ok?" He smiled, chucking me on the chin when I said nothing. "Ok?" he repeated.

I nodded. "Ok," I said, smiling uncertainly. His optimism was contagious, but not quite enough to overpower my doubts.

"Good girl. Now get back to work and finish this up. The sooner you finish here, the sooner we can go find us some humans." He put his hand on my head and ruffled my hair roughly.

"Hey!" I laughed, batting his hand away. "Cut that out!"

I turned back to the wall, and then paused, looking up at the first floor of the house. _Edward_? I thought.

A second later he poked his fiery mop out of one of the upstairs windows. "Yes, Bella?" he said patiently.

I smiled up at him, but didn't speak. _Nothing_, I thought at him, _just practicing. _I had been trying every few minutes since my mind had opened itself up to Edward again for the first time since my change, and so far, I was able to let him in about 40% of the time. It took some effort and always made me feel a bit light-headed, especially those times when my attempts were unsuccessful.

Edward gave me a skeptical look. He knew me well enough to understand that I was nervous about our impending outing and afraid that I might lose my newly rediscovered connection with him, and that it made me a little more clingy than usual. I stared up into his beautiful golden eyes and shrugged with a sheepish grin.

He smiled a breath-taking, reassuring smile at me. "You'll be fine, Love," he said softly. "Emmett's right. We won't let you harm anyone; you have nothing to worry about."

_Thank you. I love you_. I blew him a kiss and watched him pull his head back inside before turning back to my job. All that was left were the slabs of stone that made up the top of the retaining wall, the stone planter to set back in place, and my task would be done. I gave the mortar a quick mix with my trowel, pushing the boundaries of human speed as much as I dared, and scooped another large glob onto the top of the wall.

I looked up to find Emmett watching me. "You'll be fine, _Bellie_," he reiterated, emphasizing the dreaded nickname he had bestowed on me with a smirk.

"Thank you, _Emmie_, and I told you to stop calling me that," I snapped, smacking the stone slab down so hard it broke in two places. Damn. I knew what he was doing. Prankster Emmett was back, and was trying to take my attention off of my worries over what the next few hours might bring by trying to get me riled up again. I knew what he was doing, yet I still let him get to me.

He gave the now broken slab and me a pointed look. "Actually, you told me to stop calling you _Pot_ Bellie, and I did."

I opened my mouth and inhaled, ready to argue with him, and then just stopped, finally realizing that it was fruitless. It would only end in my using him to break something, and there would be yet another thing to fix, probably at human speed as well. It just wasn't worth it anymore. Although it wouldn't sink in until later, I think I finally grew up a little more in that moment. Everything Emmett has said about teaching me control made sense. For the first time, I shrugged his teasing off, like water rolling off a duck's back.

I couldn't really blame Emmett. He was just being, well, Emmett. I had been the one to refer to my pot-smoking phase in passing, mistakenly assuming that the family already knew about it. To my surprise Edward had kept my secret all this time, which meant I had to live through that whole period of my life again, telling the story with Edward's help (it wasn't a time in my life that I particularly cared to remember, and it had already become very blurry) and dealing with looks that ranged from amusement (Jasper), to surprise (Alice), to compassionate understanding (Esme and Carlisle), all the way to mild disapproval (Rosalie). Emmett, always eager for new ammunition to torture me with, was like a kid in a candy store over the news. He teased me relentlessly, singing _Puff the magic DRAGon _all over the house (gleeful emphasis on the word "drag"), referring to my Marijuana Days - "Get it, Bells? D, A, Z, E! Marijuana Daze!" – every chance he got, and calling me Pot Bellie. I endured his teasing the way I always did, with equal parts amusement, annoyance, and embarrassment.

Well, ok, not _always_. Sometimes, I just lost it, and threw him into walls. Case in point, the wall I had just finished fixing.

Which meant that the time had finally come. I was going to be around humans properly for the first time since I was changed. On that thought, the butterflies swirled to life in my stomach again. After the events of today, I wasn't surprised that I was nervous. It had already been an eventful day, and it wasn't close to being over for me.

* * *

Early that morning I had been heading back toward Edward's room when I crossed Emmett in the hall. I was still angry about his part in the altercation that had resulted in a crumbled retaining wall and ignored his greeting, trying to brush past him. He stopped me, fastening his huge hand around my upper arm. I rounded on him, prepared to tear into him, verbally this time, when the look on his face stopped me. He was eyeing me with concern, no hint of any teasing in his expression. His hand left my arm and he tipped my face up to his, looking searchingly into my eyes.

"When is the last time you hunted?" he asked me, frowning.

He'd been gone for a week with Rosalie the last time I'd hunted, and I knew my eyes were a deep garnet already. "Just over two weeks," I replied reluctantly.

"That is pushing it," he said, releasing my face. "You need to hunt. Your eyes are really dark. What do you say? I could go for some grizzly. Time's running out, they'll be going into hibernation soon."

I sighed. I preferred to put it off until my eyes were black, but I rarely got away with that. Edward had already been diplomatically prodding me to hunt; now Emmett was in on the act. It looked like I wouldn't be able to put it off much longer.

I was going to give it a damn good try, though. "I'm not going anywhere with you," I said belligerently, pushing past him again.

He blocked me, moving to stand in front of me again. "Aw come on, Bella. I'm sorry I teased you," he apologized seriously. "I'll fix the wall for you, ok? Don't refuse to go hunting just because you're mad at me. I'll get someone else to go with you if you don't want to hunt with me."

My temper flared unreasonably. "I don't want you to 'get' anyone for me," I shouted. "I wish everyone would just stop coddling me! I'm getting really tired of it!"

He observed me for a moment, one of his eyebrows raised. "Ok, you're going hunting, whether you like it or not," he said amiably, but with a touch of steel in his voice. "Clearly, you need it; you're really cranky."

My irritation bled away slowly and I couldn't tell if it was natural, or Jasper-induced. I looked around, but I couldn't see the walking Quaalude anywhere. Not that it mattered. I needed to feed eventually, might as well make it sooner rather than later. "Ok," I agreed reluctantly, "but only male bears, Emmett. It's..."

"...ecologically irresponsible to take females, yes, Bella, I know," he interrupted me, slightly exasperated. "You've told us that ten times already."

I was glad my "lessons" were starting to sink in with the family - most of them, anyway - even though they _were_ slightly annoyed with me for "spoiling their fun," as Emmett put it. It was ironic that I had never thought twice about it when eating meat as a human, but ever since I started hunting my food directly - and ever since I had read that book that was now on Emmett's permanent shit-list - I had become very concerned about our impact on the ecology of the places we lived in. Hunting predators in this day and age was wrong, and Edward's love for mountain lion had been a source of quite a few amicable arguments between us. Taking predators was far more disruptive to the environment than taking their prey, and although it was unfair of me to try and guilt my siblings into not eating their favorite predators, I could at least see to it that they took only males. I explained to a reluctant Emmett that a female bear usually had two cubs in a litter, and produced five litters in her lifetime. This meant that whenever Emmett took a female, he was also taking as many as ten bears away from the future bear population - although not all of them would reach maturity. If he took a male, well, there would always be another one to impregnate the female. He called me a spoil-sport, but he was a smart guy and definitely saw the truth behind my reasoning.

Although I enjoyed the act of hunting, I did not enjoy hunting and killing live animals and always tried to put it off for as long as I could, which was never for very long given the diligent attention with which my siblings monitored my blood intake. Someone was always there to remind me that I needed to hunt, and to use ever increasing pressure when I paid no attention to their gentle hints. Emmett's promises to fix the wall himself and not hunt any females were just the latest bargaining tactics, but I was fine with that. I was getting something out of it after all.

"Well then, lets get this freak show on the road," I said, shrieking suddenly as Emmett picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder.

"I'm taking the baby hunting," Emmett told the house at large, wincing exaggeratedly when I smacked him for calling me "the baby". "Who's coming with?"

Edward emerged from his room before Emmett even got the words out, an Alice and Jasper joined us as we were making our way out of the house and into the garden. I struggled and kicked until Emmett finally put me down, just before we melted into the green shadows within the trees.

We jogged through the woods and up into the hills, heading for the mountain meadows where goats and deer were plentiful. As we ran, pushing, shoving, and chasing each other ever higher, I began to genuinely enjoy the day, and the company of my vampire siblings. I even started looking forward to the hunt a little. The feral part of me that made up the vampire stirred, and I carefully and slowly let it emerge.

Jasper was the first to catch the scent of a small herd of deer - the only animals I would kill if I could help it. Motioning for us to be quiet, he went into hunter mode and we fell completely silent, following him stealthily and soundlessly through the vegetation until we caught sight of our prey.

As the youngest, my siblings always saw to it that I fed first. With a gentle touch to my shoulder, Edward indicated I should go as soon as I was ready. Closing my eyes, I took a slow, deep breath, to steady myself more than anything else. Hunting, for me, required letting my human veneer slip a little. It was a conscious act, and it required quite a bit of control to let it drop just enough to enable me to do the deed cleanly and as painlessly as possible for the animal, but not enough to let the vampire out completely and turn me into a snarling, deer-slaughtering fury.

I moved stealthily to the side, so as to approach the animals from behind - and downwind - and closed in, pausing to admire the animals before me. Just as I was bunching my muscles to take the final leap, Alice gasped, startling the deer and causing them to flee into the shelter of the trees. I was about to tear after them with a roar, when Alice called my name, panic in her voice. I turned to her, my eyes searching out the others as well. They were watching me in apprehension, and I was about to ask them what the problem was when it hit me.

The fresh scent of a human wafted toward me on the warm breeze, searing my sinuses and my throat and nearly bringing me to my knees.

It was only the second time I had caught the scent of a human, but unlike the first time, when I had almost feasted on Edward's caretaker in New Mexico, I remained aware of what was happening inside me. Unable to resist, I sucked a slow, huge lungful of luscious blood-scented air in through my nose and mouth, tasting the endless different layers of scent that made up a human being. I could practically feel the microscopic particles coat the inside of my mouth, my sinuses and my lungs. It was rich and fragrant, and truly beyond anything I had ever experienced, giving a whole new meaning to the word "bloodlust". Unbelievably, there was an almost sexual component to my desire for that forbidden substance, and the scent actually aroused me a little. It didn't help that the subject was a clean, healthy male, and that he was alone. There would be no witnesses if I chose to take him. Hikers disappeared all the time…

I slammed the door shut on that train of thought and squeezed my eyes closed, crying out in need and desire, a long keening wail that used up the entire supply of air in my lungs. I didn't draw breath again, but it was already too late. I was fully and deeply in the grip of bloodlust, and the vampire in me was clamoring for me to break into a run and hunt down my natural prey, not stopping until his drained body lay still at my feet. I had no choice but to freeze completely, knowing with absolute certainty that if I moved so much as a muscle, it would unlock the beast in me, and I would run. If I ran, the man would die. Not even Edward would be able to catch me.

Just when it seemed that my situation couldn't possibly get any worse, it did. I actually started asking myself quite seriously if it would be so wrong to take a human, just once, to see what it was like. After all it was only natural, wasn't it? Every living being fed of something else that was alive. Humans were not at the top of the food chain as I'd thought before learning of the existence of vampires, why should they be exempt from being eaten by their natural prey? I was not particularly religious, but if there was a God, vampires were her creatures too. Why was it ok for humans to eat cows, but not ok for vampires to eat humans when we were built to do exactly that?

Although I don't think it was outwardly evident, I felt like I was quaking with the effort to keep my personal beast contained. It was as if I was comprised of two different entities: the vampire inside me that was keening for blood and rattling the cage of my humanity, and the human I had once been, fighting to contain her dark alter-ego.

When my eyes fluttered open again, the others had moved, fanning out and shifting closer to me, fear for me written all over their faces. Edward stood directly in front, his hands raised, palms out, as if placating me. Emmett stood off to my left, and Jasper to my right, his hand firmly fastened around Alice's upper arm, holding her slightly behind him, over-protective as always. Then again, maybe he knew something I didn't.

Alice shocked me the most. She looked haggard, her eyes going in and out of focus as she was battered by one vision after another. By the look on her face they were worrying in the extreme. Edward, who could read her mind, and Jasper, who sensed all her emotions, were evidently extremely concerned by what she was seeing. I was almost certain she kept seeing me change my mind about going after the human and killing him.

Emmett was alert, but seemed mostly un-phased, though there was a strange expression on his face that I didn't have the luxury to analyze at that moment. His apparent calmness encouraged me though, leading me to believe that I might just make it through this without bloodshed. I relaxed infinitesimally.

Just when I thought that maybe I was over the worst, the vampire, sensing defeat, surged again. _Just one...one life, once, to see what it tastes like_...surely that wouldn't be so bad, would it? Horrified that I was actually considering it, I locked eyes with Edward, hoping to anchor myself to humanity somehow, yet at the same time wanting his permission to commit murder.

_Please_.

_Let me. Just once. Please say yes._

"Bella, no," he said softly.

_Please!_ I begged for permission wordlessly.

Edward took a careful step toward me. "No. Bella, you will regret it for the rest of your life. It's not worth it. I promise you that."

_Liar! It is worth it! I know it is! _the vampire raged.

Alice cried out softly, and Jasper tensed. "Dammit, I can't get through," he muttered. "I'm going to have to touch her." He made as if to move toward me, and I tensed.

"Jasper, no!" Alice cried frantically, grabbing at his shirt. "Don't!"

"Let me handle this, Jazz," Edward said calmly, taking another step toward me. "I am not lying, Bella. I swear on your _life_, it is not worth it. Please believe me. I've been where you are, and I am telling you _it is not worth it_. If you give in, the regret will be with you for the rest of eternity. Don't make the mistakes I did. Please, Bella. _Please_. If you won't do it for you, do it for me. Resist. I know you can do it."

As I listened to Edward talk, a nagging thought blossomed into a sudden revelation and the bloodlust faded as suddenly as it had come over me.

He had heard me.

With no air in my lungs, and absolutely no intention of taking a breath and risk losing control, I had done all my pleading silently, in my head, without realizing it, and Edward had replied.

He could hear me.

The realization struck him at about the same time as it struck me.

"Bella?" he breathed, his face suffused with wonder.

_Edward? Can you hear me?_

He broke into a huge smile and took a step toward me. "Yes! Oh my God, Bella, I can hear you! I can hear your thoughts!"

_Is the human out of range? Is it safe to breathe again?_

"Yes," he replied, stretching a trembling hand out toward me, his voice cracking with emotion. "The scent has faded, you can breathe again."

I took a tentative breath through my mouth, tasting only the usual scents of nature, and completely fell apart.

"Oh, Edward!" I wailed, bursting into a spate of sobs, barreling into his waiting arms and burying my face in his chest. "I was so scared. You have no idea how close I came." I clung to him, babbling hysterically while he murmured soothing platitudes, running his hands comfortingly all over my arms back and hair. Gentle hands came down on my shoulders, and a pulse of warm and fuzzy washed through me, taking the edge off of my hysteria.

Severely shaken by what I knew had been an extremely close call, it took me a while to realize that we were on the move again. Edward had swung me up into his arms and was carrying me to wherever we were going while I clung to him, my face buried in his neck. I hoped he was taking me home, where I could hide and digest what had happened today. I had questions, and had a feeling that the answers would depress me. As we walked, I had nothing to do but think about what had just happened, and far from abating, my fear only grew the more I thought about how badly I had wanted to kill that human being, and more terrifying than that, how easy it had been to justify almost doing exactly that. I looked over my shoulder at Emmett as he followed along behind us, catching him observing me searchingly. He flashed me a grin, but it seemed reserved, as if he was preoccupied by something.

"Where are we? I thought we were going home," I said when Edward set me down, sounding absolutely drained even to myself.

"You need to hunt first, love," he said gently, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "No, don't argue," he continued, seeing I was about to interrupt. He took my face in his hands. "This is not open to negotiation. You've had a shock to your system, and you need the energy that blood will provide. It will settle you. Trust me."

He was right and I knew it, but I wanted to whine like a five-year-old. Not since my very first hunt had I been so reluctant to feed. In fact I was probably even more reluctant now, because back then I had no idea how unpleasant animal blood tasted. Now I did, and I had a sinking feeling it would taste even more repugnant after my exposure - as minimal as it had been - to the ambrosia that was human blood.

"I'd rather wait until tomorrow," I said tremulously. "I'm still a little close to the edge. I'm afraid hunting now would push me over it." A very pleasant tremor ran through me at the memory of the scent and flavor, the kind that would have raised goose-bumps on my skin had I still been human.

Edward was about to say something when he swung his head toward Emmett, as if suddenly focusing on something he was thinking. They looked at each other, having a brief one-sided mental conversation, and then Edward turned his attention back to me.

He frowned. "Emmett's right, Bella," he said pensively as if Emmett had spoken out loud and I had heard him.

"Would you mind translating that for those of us who don't read minds?" I said with a small smile.

Instead of Edward, it was Emmett who spoke, looking uncharacteristically serious. "I'm telling you this from personal experience, Bella. You need to move on from this situation quickly, mentally and physically. You need to hunt as if nothing happened, and not let those thoughts and feelings take hold."

I shifted uncomfortably, knowing where he was going and wondering how he was able to see inside me so easily.

"You're on a slippery slope. I know, because I've been right where you are. I know exactly what's going on inside you right now. I'm guessing you are struggling with temptation, and that a part of you is trying to convince you that there's nothing wrong with giving in to your nature. I'm not going to debate whether it's right or wrong, but I'm going to tell you that if you're serious about being a vegetarian, you need to nip those thoughts in the bud right now. I know first hand how the temptation can fester and how easy it would be to convince yourself that it's ok to take a life occasionally. I know you don't want that, but the brutal truth is that it could easily happen, Bella, and you need to always remember that. The temptation to kill can be a terrible thing to fight, and today is the day you start fighting it for the rest of your existence. You need to set your mind to hunting an animal right now, and _only_ an animal."

In a flash, I realized where Emmett was getting his insight into what I was dealing with right now. He had personal experience with the aftereffects of succumbing to the lure of human blood. It was different for Jasper and Edward - Edward had chosen to kill, and Jasper hadn't been aware there was an alternative. Emmett had already been a committed vegetarian when he came across his singer and killed her. He knew what it was to lose the fight, and he knew what it took to recover from it. Nevertheless, it was shocking to hear those inner thoughts voiced out loud in front of everybody, and I hung my head in shame at the idea that I had even considered taking a life simply because I wanted to taste human blood just once.

Emmett was right in front of me, his hand on my shoulder, ducking his head to catch my reluctant eyes. "Hey now," he murmured gently, "there is _nothing_ to be ashamed of. We've all struggled with this, and some of us have even given in to temptation. What you're going through is perfectly normal." He straightened. "Now, it's time to put it behind us. We came here to hunt, and that's what we are going to do."

I nodded. "I'm scared, Em," I whispered, reaching up and clutching his forearm. "The vampire in me is so close to the surface. I'm scared it's going to take over, and I'll lose control and run."

His hand tightened slightly on my shoulder. "Lesson number one: the vampire is not something that's inside you. You're not a human being with a vampiric alter-ego. You _are_ the vampire inside you. We've all at some point or other spoken about our vampire nature as if it were somehow separate from us as human beings, and it really does seem like that sometimes, but it's really important to understand that there is no division between the two. They are inextricably entwined, and you need to accept that up here." He tapped a finger to my temple. "You're a vampire who has decided to stick to drinking animal blood only. Act that way, and eventually it will become second nature to you."

"You make it sound like a walk in the park" I muttered. "It's not that easy to control my emotions."

"I can help you with that," Jasper interjected. "I'll help you keep under control. I'll just take the edge off your feelings, like we talked about. Ok?"

I nodded gratefully. "Ok, but Jazz, you have to promise me you'll do whatever it takes to keep me from taking off after anything but the deer. You have my permission to go to any lengths to keep me from killing someone." I turned to the others. "That goes for all of you. You need to stop me at any cost."

"You'll be fine, Bella!" came Alice's voice. She looked completely unconcerned. There were times when her ability was annoying, but this wasn't one of them.

"Alright, let's get this show on the road," Jasper said. He lifted his nose in the air, inhaling gently, trying to catch the scent of something edible. I could tell the moment he did, because his face lost all traces of humanity and he became a hunter. He turned to us, eyes black, jerking his head to indicate the direction.

I lifted my nose and inhaled as well. The fetid and gamey aroma of deer invaded my sinuses and lungs, clashing wildly with my memory of the ambrosia that was the scent of human blood, and my lips curled back with distaste. "Oh, gross," I muttered, putting a hand over my nose and mouth.

Emmett pulled it away, and then caught my wrist as I lifted my other hand to take its place. "Smell it, Bella," he said firmly. You're a vampire, and this is your chosen source of blood. It is what it is. Embrace it."

Philosophical Emmett was starting to get a little annoying, but I couldn't deny that he knew what he was talking about. I inhaled again, deeply, and had to admit it wasn't quite as bad as before.

"Keep breathing, and let's go," he said, giving me an encouraging smile and a gentle push in the direction of dinner.

* * *

I was still grimacing after I had hunted, fed, and hidden the carcass somewhere where scavengers would still be able to feed off of it. The taste of deer blood had been unpleasant, to say the least, and I felt almost as if I had taken a step back instead of the step forward everybody else seemed to think it was. I had survived an encounter with a human being – or rather he had survived an encounter with me - and that seemed to make my siblings happy. It was progress at last, according to them, though I wasn't so sure. Faced with the prospect of drinking swill like that every day, eternity began to seem like a really long time. It was a depressing thought.

It was Edward who noticed my eyes first as he unnecessarily helped me up after I had disposed of the remains of my meal. He frowned curiously as he looked at me and then his eyes flew open wide.

"Bella!" he exclaimed, reaching for my chin and tilting my face up. "Your eyes are changing!"

At his words, the others crowded around me, jostling each other to get a better look and peering into my eyes. "You're right!" Emmett said. "Your eyes are orange, baby B! Hey Edward!" He hooked his arm around Edward's neck and pulled him into a sideways hug. "Our little girl is growing up!"

Alice elbowed her way past Emmett and Edward and held up a compact mirror. "See for yourself!" She almost squeaked in her excitement, bouncing once on the balls of her feet in front of me. I took the compact from her, and looked into the mirror.

They were right. My eyes should have been a very bright red, the color of blood that has been stripped of its oxygen. Instead, they were a very bright rusty color, almost orange. Looking closer, I noticed there were veins of iridescent copper streaking through my irises. They looked quite startling.

"Does it normally happen so instantaneously?" I asked, curious, turning my head to watch them catch the light. I looked into Alice's pale topaz eyes, and noticed that they too had a reflective quality to them. A quick look at Edward's eyes, and I noticed it with him as well. It was strange that all the times I had gazed into Edward's eyes, I had never noticed that. Maybe a vampire's eyes also changed as they left their newborn phase, I mused. I would have to ask Carlisle about that.

"It does," Edward replied, sounding very excited. "Once it starts, the change happens very quickly. Your eyes will have completed their transformation in a few days."

I looked at Edward as I snapped the compact shut and handed it to Alice. He had never looked happier than he did right then; the contrast between the man who stood before me now and the brooding vampire he was when I first met him was staggering. Not only was his fondest wish of being able to see inside me coming true, but we were also one step closer to getting married. I still had quite a way to go, but the end was definitely in sight, and Edward couldn't have been happier about it. To my surprise, his joy was infectious, and I was beginning to look forward to the future too.

And then Emmett ruined everything by suggesting I be exposed to humans immediately.

"I've been thinking…" he said, looking pensive.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Oh God," he muttered, interrupting him. "Not again." "I'll alert the media," Alice quipped at the same time.

Without even turning to him, Emmett threw out his arm and punched Jasper in the shoulder, sending him staggering. "We need to get Bella around humans," he continued as if nothing had happened. "We should take her to that convenience store…"

Edward didn't let him finish. "Are you out of your mind?" he exploded, taking a step toward him. "It'll be a bloodbath!"

Emmett gave him a look. "I don't mean we should take her in. We can stand across the street, let her experience them from a distance." He turned to me. "I think this is important, Bella," he said earnestly, "and you don't have to worry, we'll make sure you don't hurt anyone."

"I think he's got a good point, man," Jasper interjected, putting a calming hand on Edward's shoulder. "It's kind of like getting right back on the horse after you've fallen…"

Before he could finish, Emmett got our attention and pointed at Alice. We turned toward her to find her in the grip of another vision. We waited while her eyes darted back and forth for a few seconds. Her eyelids fluttered briefly, and then her gaze swung into focus.

"It'll work Bella," she said, looking at me reassuringly. "But the only place we are going right now is home," she continued, turning to the others. Carlisle and Esme will be back in ten minutes, and if Bella isn't back home fixing the wall when they walk through the door, we won't be going _anywhere_. Esme is getting tired of the damage you two are causing, and if she finds that you've wandered off leaving it broken, she's going to get pretty angry."

"Well, then let's get our butts back fast," Emmett boomed. "The sooner we get that wall fixed, the sooner we can get back out."

I smiled weakly at his enthusiasm, not at all sure that what he was proposing was a good idea, and followed my brothers and sister home.

* * *

"So?"

I shook off my musings and looked at Emmett, who was wearing an enquiring look on his face. "So, what?" I asked him.

"Shall we do this?" he said expectantly, jerking his thumb in the general direction of civilization.

The building materials and tools had been put away. The wall was as good as new. There was no reason to delay anymore. Emmett seemed to think it was important for me to do this as soon as possible, and I was determined to trust in his experience. It was now or never.

"Let's do it," I said bravely, squaring my shoulders.

As we set out into the woods for the second time in 24 hours, Emmett stayed close to me, his experience with bloodlust and loss of control uniting us and making him more protective of me than usual. Only Edward stayed closer, his fingers interlaced with mine as we walked, human speed, to the place where I would get my first serious exposure to human beings. We moved slowly so I could prepare myself physically and emotionally for my impending ordeal. And an ordeal is exactly what it felt like. I was nervous and on edge, even knowing that Jasper was monitoring me and dialing down my anxiety whenever he felt it reach a certain danger level. A frightened vamp was a dangerous vamp - more dangerous than usual anyway - and as promised, he made sure to keep my emotions from overwhelming me.

I was able to take a great deal of comfort from the fact that I was surrounded by such talented protectors; probably the only newborn who had such support. I could communicate mentally with Edward - sometimes - which precluded the necessity of breathing in order to speak. With simply a touch, Jasper could breach my shield if it was up and calm me. Alice was constantly checking my future for pitfalls and danger, and I could count on all of their brute strength to subdue me should I suddenly lose it and attempt to go on a rampage. I was truly fortunate.

They were taking me to a small, relatively isolated gas station and convenience store on a lonely road about ten miles from the house. My siblings selected it because of its location; its proximity to the woods made it perfect for us to hide in while at the same time bringing me close enough to test my will power.

It wasn't long before I became aware of new sounds slowly rising above the natural noises of the woods. Some of them I recognized, like the groaning of car doors opening and closing and the crackling and popping of tires on asphalt and gravel, others where as yet a mystery to me. As we drew closer, one particular sound caught my attention: a wet, rhythmic thumping and whooshing, that seemed to carry its own echo. It was joined by another, then another, and in a sudden flash of insight, I recognized them to be heartbeats. I immediately held my breath and stopped, listening in wonder. I thought I'd recognize heartbeats immediately, having heard them on a stethoscope before as a child, but that had been nothing like hearing them with vampire hearing.

"It's ok, you can breathe," Edward said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. "We're still upwind from them. The wind could shift at any moment, though, so be prepared."

I sucked in a tentative mouthful of air, relaxing fractionally when I tasted nothing out of the ordinary. Gripping Edward's hand tightly, I took a step forward, signaling to the others that I was ready to go again. We continued walking toward our goal as I focused my hearing ahead, getting to know these humans audially first. The trees thinned, and the gas station came into view, and with it, the human beings going about their business in complete ignorance of the potential killer that lurked in the shadows. I stifled a snort at the thought of _me_ lurking like a deranged, bloodthirsty maniac, drawing the attention of my siblings.

"It's nothing," I squeaked, waving them off and turning my attention back to the people across the road beyond the treeline. By now more sounds were audible, coming directly from the handful of humans going about their business in and around the convenience store; gurgling, rumbling…sloshing? I had no idea what might cause sloshing, and I probably didn't want to know.

"Was I really _that_ noisy?" I asked quietly, absolutely overcome with mortification. All those times I had spent with the Cullens as a human, and I had never realized that I was a walking bag of unseemly noises. I don't think I had ever been so embarrassed in my life.

Before anyone had a chance to answer, Alice called out urgently. "Brace yourself, Bella!" she hissed.

Edward's hand tightened around mine and I turned in to him, gripping his forearm with my free hand and locking my knees. The same instant Emmett's hands fastened on my shoulders from behind me, I was hit by a wall of warm, overpoweringly perfumed air. I cringed, letting out a strangled cry as it burned through my airways and lungs, but I didn't hold my breath, squeezing my eyes closed to keep the sensory input down to a minimum. My hearing and sense of smell and taste were enough to contend with, without adding in sight as well. _In…out…in…out_…I inhaled and exhaled slowly and methodically, familiarizing myself with the burn, and the irresistible temptation that human scent presented.

I lost track of time. We stood, all of us, immobile as the humans came and went, while I breathed in and out, never once moving so much as a muscle. All I did was process the smells I was exposed to and desensitize myself to them. As the urgency in me lessened and the temptation became more bearable, my focus turned to the odors overpowered by the scent of blood. Distinctions between scents carried by blood and those not carried by blood became apparent, as well as differences between natural and artificial scents. Some people were cleaner than others, their blood-scent modified by artificial fragrances of soap and deodorant. In between palate-cleansing gusts of clean air when the wind shifted, I caught whiffs of mint, the artificial florals and fruits of who knows what shampoos, lotions and perfumes, and from all but the cleanest of them, faint traces of urine, and in one case, feces.

Quite suddenly, it became too much. Not only the temptation and the sensory overload, but also the sudden realization of how very different I was from the human being I had once been, and the shock of seeing myself as I had once appeared to the Cullens. From my new vantage point of a vampire, humans reminded me of barnyard animals with the pungent, sometimes overpowering but not unpleasant natural odors of their bodies. As accurate a description as it might be, I felt terrible for thinking of them that way, especially given that I had been like them not so long ago.

"I've had enough for today," I choked out, turning my back on the gas station and starting quickly for home, dragging Edward behind me. I broke into a run, still clinging to his hand, and the others fell in behind us. They seemed to understand that I needed silence to process the experience, and we jogged home with not a word spoken between us.

Night had fallen when we finally got home. Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us, standing arm in arm in the open doorway to the terrace, the warm golden glow of the home lights behind them casting them in bright shadows. Their irises glowed dimly and eerily in the dark, which was another new development I attributed to my changing eyes. A warm sense of belonging and home filled me as I watched them, parents waiting for their children to come home from an important outing, and my doubts and fears left me, eclipsed by the love for us I saw in their faces.

Deeply touched, I ran to throw myself in Esme's arms for a hug, before turning to plant a kiss on Carlisle's cheek.

"How did it go, sweetheart?" Esme asked me fondly, releasing her husband to put an arm around my shoulder and guide me into the house.

I shrugged. "Ok, I guess," I said, tugging Edward along with me as I made a bee line for his room. The outing didn't count as a success, in my opinion.

"Hey, it went better than ok, kid," Emmett butted in, pushing rudely past me on his way to Rosalie, who had just drifted regally down the stairs. "After all, nobody died."

My lips parted on a sarcastic rejoinder, but the words died unspoken. Given Emmett's history, his words had a much greater impact coming from him.

I stopped short.

He was right.

Nobody had died. I hadn't killed anyone. I had resisted the lure of human blood, and no one had gotten hurt.

A slow smile spread over my face, and warm burst hope pulsed through me.

For the first time, I truly believed everything was going to be just fine.

* * *

**Re-note**:

My father, much like Julia Child, tells me to never apologize for what I produce. So I won't. I'll just say that this is unbeta-ed, and that I think I am getting bored with writing.

A recommendation: go read Apocalyptic Lullaby or On the Banks of Red Roses by Kalimando. They are not far in yet, but boy do I want to find out what happens next, on both counts.

Some explanations: Bella's pot-smoking phase happened in my first story, which I consider part of my Captive/Bringing Up Baby 'verse. In a nutshell: Bella takes to smoking marijuana in an effort to dull the pain of being left by Edward, and doesn't stop when he gets back until he busts her and makes her stop. Credit for the name Pot-Bellie goes to Philadelphic. It sounds like a nickname Emmett could have come up with, and I couldn't resist using it. I also know that puff the magic dragon wasn't about toking, but let's pretend that Emmett doesn't.

In Captive, Edward is able at some point to get into Bella's mind for brief periods, and, because I wanted to put my own spin on Bella's power, is also able to feel what she is feeling while he is in there. They don't know why it happens, and Bella can't make it happen at will. In that story I suggested that it seemed to happen when Bella was feeling particularly strong emotions and thinking of Edward. It didn't occur after she was changed, and hasn't been addressed in this story at all until this chapter (which of course you would know since presumably if you are reading this note, you have read the whole story).


	8. Emmett

This chapter more than earns its M rating, so be warned. It's triple-lemon-rated, because Emmett thinks about sex a lot, and is obsessed with Rosalie's boobs. And ass. Everything about her, basically. Should it happen to disappear because of content violations, I have a live journal account (same username). I'll post it there.

And now, finally, on to Emmett.

* * *

**Emmett**:

We had spent the whole night in bed, doing the things that a human couple would do - and I wasn't referring to doin' the nasty, although there was plenty of that going on too. In addition to the horizontal mambo, we also talked, cuddled, read, and wrote. Our bed was our bubble, our island, a place where the rest of the world faded into the background. In it, we shared our secrets and fears, and professed our love for each other. But it wasn't just the place we came to to connect physically and emotionally; it was also one of the places where I could help her almost forget she wasn't human.

Rosalie was more consumed by the road not taken than was healthy for _anyone_, let alone a vampire who felt things more keenly, more _permanently_, than any other creature alive. She allowed the possibilities of what might have been to color her life with regret. I don't think a day went by that she didn't think about what might have been. Her yearning to give birth to and raise children so consumed her when I first got to know her, that I made it my life's purpose to alleviate her pain, to find ways to give her as close to a human existence as was possible for a vampire. Naturally I was powerless to do anything about children, but I found ways for us to engage in activities that gave us the illusion of humanity. One of them involved spending time in bed doing things other than sleep - which we couldn't do anyway - and sex.

There were times, when she slid under the covers next to me with deep contentment softening her features, that I could have sworn she was imagining she had just tucked a sleeping baby in next door, and we were regular human parents finishing up a few tasks and winding down a little before settling in to sleep. The fact that we were currently discussing Bella, the baby of the family, probably made the illusion of our humanity and parenthood seem even more real to her.

We had put our papers and books aside and were lying on our sides under the covers, faces only inches apart. "I just don't think she is ready," Rosalie whispered, so that Bella, who was lying on the grass in the garden with Edward, both of them watching the night sky for Leonids streaking across the black void, couldn't hear her.

"I'm not disagreeing with you, Rose," I whispered back, my eyes fixed on the rosy pout of her lips. "You're preaching to the converted. The whole family is on the same page about this. Well, except for Bella, but that's to be expected." I reached for her and cupped her face, brushing the pad of my thumb over her plump lower lip. "You know how newborns are, constantly over-estimating their abilities. But that doesn't mean she can't start prepping for college now. When the time comes, we'll talk her into taking some of her prerequisites online or by correspondence, that way she'll have a head start when Carlisle decides she's ready to be around humans for extended periods of time."

Rosalie lifted herself of the bed, the sheet slipping to her waist, and guided me onto my back, laying herself down again, her head nestling beneath my chin, her two glorious boobs embracing my ribcage. I inhaled a breath of her and lifted a hand, threading my fingers into her silky hair and letting the soft strands slither through them like liquid gold.

"She still thinks she is going to start college in the spring, Em," she continued, absently fingering one of my nipples.

I hissed, feeling my cock stir against my thigh. "So? Let her," I said, my voice getting raspy as she started trailing her fingers lightly down my stomach and back up to my nipple again in ever widening circles. "She'll find out soon enough, if she hasn't already, that when Carlisle says no, he means it."

Rosalie sighed, her wandering fingers traveling lower and lower. "She's going to pitch a royal fit."

"I repeat - so?" I croaked, catching her fingers as their tips disappeared under the covers and skimmed over my pubic hair. The sheet was beginning to tent over my hips. "Let Carlisle handle it. It's not like the old man hasn't already made it perfectly clear that it ain't gonna happen."

Rose was about to speak again, clearly unwilling to let the issue go, so I threw the bed sheet back and gripped her hips, easily lifting her astride mine. She squeaked in surprise, bracing her hands against my chest as my very erect cock made itself at home between her butt cheeks. I smirked inwardly. _Like a hot dog nestled in a a bun_. Naturally, this train of thought led places and gave me ideas. But when I lifted her hips again and tried to take the road less traveled inside her, she took control and shifted back a little, sinking down slowly onto me with a satisfied and sexy hum. There would be no backdoor action for me this time. I sighed, and there may have been some pouting involved too. Manly pouting, obviously.

Our hands met in the air between us and we laced our fingers together. Our eyes locked. Bracing herself on my hands, she began rocking against me, slowly at first, doing that squeezing thing to my cock that she was so good at. My eyes drifted south of her face, to her fantastic tits, bouncing gently with her every rise and fall above me.

She clenched around me like a fist, and my eyes rolled back in my head. "Fuck...Rose...baby," I moaned, starting to thrust my hips up to meet hers. I dropped my elbows to the mattress, pulling her down and forcing her to lean over me. Her head fell forward, hair tumbling over my chest, brushing back and forth over my skin with every smack of my pelvis against hers. Goosebumps erupted across my chest at the feather light touch and my nipples tightened painfully. I opened my eyes, unable to bear not seeing her for a second longer, and drank in the sight of her looming over me as we fucked slowly, her skin glowing warmly in the candlelight. _It's official: I'm a girl_, I thought, almost laughing out loud. She had turned me into a total pussy, and I loved it.

I did however have to compensate by getting rougher with her. My manliness demanded it. I dug my heels into the mattress, giving myself more leverage and power, and picked up speed. Her tits were bouncing vigorously now, every one of my slapping thrusts forcing a faint, breathy cry out of her.

As usual, she didn't make it to climax on top of me. Between my impatience and need for control, I rarely let her take us all the way in this position, and this time was no different. With a hungry snarl, I snatched her wrists out of the air and flipped us over, positioning her beneath me so I could take over, never once pulling out of her. Supporting her lower back to keep her us connected, I came to my knees and sat back on my heels, settling her generous hips between my parted thighs. She immediately locked her long legs around me, at the same time trying to tug her wrists free of my grip. Pinning them to the mattress on either side of her head, I hunched over her and started fucking her again, pounding into her hard enough to set her breasts jiggling. My cock ached unbearably at the sight, and it got worse when she took her lower lip between her teeth and bit down, swallowing the cries I was trying to force out of her with increasingly powerful thrusts.

When her thighs started squeezing and trembling against my waist, I knew she was close. I was almost on all fours by that point, and she arched like a bow, breasts thrust out toward the ceiling, her ass was coming off the bed to meet my hips as they pounded into her. Only when a strangled cry escaped her and she started the slow, powerful clenching that signaled her orgasm did I let go, allowing my balls to contract, ejaculating long and hard inside her seconds later.

My triumphant cry echoed around the room, prompting someone in the house to snigger like Butthead. It sounded like Jasper, who had been particularly obtrusive today. Alice had been more busy than usual not so secretly planning Bella's eventual wedding, and was neglecting her mate. Without her distracting influence, the Jazz-Man had been bored, and had nothing better to do but butt into people's private moments.

Still buried inside my wife, I rolled us over so she was astride me again, tucked against my chest. My arms wrapped around her, keeping her trapped against me, my softening cock still lodged inside her.

After lying there for a few minutes, she tried to rise, but I wasn't having any of that. I tightened my grip every time she tried to get up. "Let me go, Emmett," she murmured lazily.

"No"

She tried again. I tightened my grip.

"You know," she said conversationally, "I've never been the type of woman to withhold sex as punishment."

"I know, babe," I said, kissing the top of her head. "And I love you for it." I ran my hands down her smooth back, and palmed her rounded ass, digging my fingers in with a rumble of satisfaction.

"There's a first time for everything," she deadpanned, roughly tweaking my nipple.

I couldn't help it. Startled, I screamed like a girl and pushed her off me. She bounced on the mattress and rolled off the side, landing with a thud on the floor. I flinched at the sound and squeezed my eyes shut, fully expecting her to come surging over the edge of the bed to tear me several new ones.

Nothing happened.

One of my eyes opened carefully, then the other. "Rosie? Are you ok?" I slid to the edge and looked over, to find Rosalie lying face down on the ground, shaking with silent laughter.

"I'm glad you find me amusing," I said, slightly offended.

She sat up, mirth transforming her usually serious face into something luminous and breathtaking. "Oh, you know I love you, my monkey-man," she hiccuped, finally calming down enough to climb back up on the bed. Coming to her knees next to me, she smacked a kiss on my mouth. "I've got to start getting ready," she said before scrambling off the bed and vanishing from view, the bathroom door clicking shut behind her.

"For what?" I asked the empty room petulantly.

* * *

I couldn't concentrate. At all. Working on Bella's lesson plan for the next week in a bed that smelled of sex and woman was the last thing I wanted to do while the woman in question was thirty feet away getting ready to take herself away from me for the day. So I gathered all my papers and headed to my man cave. I'd get more work done there, away from the her distracting presence.

Or so I thought.

By the interruption in the loud pattering of the drops, it was easy to tell the exact moment Rosalie stepped into the shower and under the stream of water. My concentration fled. The mere thought of her naked and wet wiped my brain clear and sent an almost painful spike of lust stabbing through my loins. The pencil I was holding snapped between my fingers, startling me. On the spur of the moment, I dropped the pieces on the desk and hightailed it out into the hall, through Rosie's room and to the threshold of her bathroom. Hand on the polished wood, ready to carefully and quietly push the door open, I closed my eyes, briefly fantasizing about what I might see on the other side.

My wife was so beautiful it hurt like a fist to the face. Catching sight of her after an absence of even a few minutes was like seeing her for the first time all over again. It was like turning a corner in a museum and coming face to face with a huge Monet, or the smooth, marble slopes of an exquisite Rodin. I never knew what to expect when I opened a door knowing Rosalie was behind it, and the anticipation of what I might see made every moment feel like that first time. She was miraculous, and she was all mine.

Hers was the first face I'd seen when coming out of the hellish nightmare that was the transformation. I thought I had died and gone to heaven, and that Rosalie was an honest to goodness angel. I had never told anyone that, not even her, but that feeling of almost spiritual awe stayed with me to this day. A part of me still believed she had been sent from heaven to save me.

I worshipped her, the ground she walked on, and everything she touched. She ruled me completely. I couldn't begin to imagine any kind of existence without her in it.

The door silently swung open under my fingertips and I peeked into the room.

Behind the frosted glass doors of the shower, Rosalie's ghostly form shifted within the clouds of steam, turning this way and that as she moved within the confines of the roomy stall, pointing her face up to the shower head and then pivoting to wet her hair under the hot stream of water.

I shed my clothes fast, and was standing in front of the glass before they had even hit the ground. Damp steam parted at my passage and billowed around me like I was in an 80s power ballad video. Or a bad horror movie.

Sliding the shower door open as silently as possible, I slipped into the roomy stall. I knew she'd heard me - there was no way she wouldn't - but she didn't turn around, slowly running soapy hands over her smooth, milky hips, putting on one hell of a show for me.

I moved in behind her, I gathered the dark gold mass of her soaked hair and twisted it into a burnished coil, laying it over her shoulder, exposing the naked sweep of her back.

Ignoring me, Rosalie folded herself over at the waist to wash her ivory calves. I let my hand slide down the slippery, sudsy skin of her back, over the curve of her backside, and in one smooth ninja move, pushed my soap-slicked middle finger into her tight ass, right up to the hilt.

Poetry and subtle seduction were for the Edwards of the world. I preferred getting straight to the point.

She yelped in surprise and whirled around, slapping me across the face, snapping my head to the side. I let out a hiss of satisfaction. Ah, the joys of vampire foreplay.

"Emmett!" she scolded me, her amusement laced with a hint of exasperation, "you are such a pervert!"

_Yeah, and you love it_. "I'm not a pervert," I said, rubbing my cheek and feigning shocked offense.

She crossed her arms over her chest, pushing her white breasts into greater prominence. I couldn't help noticing the soap suds clinging precariously to her dusky nipples. "Yes, you are."

I crossed my arms too. "Am not," I retorted, staring at the soapy orbs and imagining my cock thrusting between them as Rosalie squeezed them together for me.

She grasped my chin and tipped my face up so I was looking at her, not at her surreally fantastic tits. "You have a spanking fetish, Emmett," she countered dryly, giving me a look.

That I most certainly did. I caught her hand and kissed her palm, grinning unapologetically. "On behalf of fetishists everywhere, I must say I resent the implication that we are perverts. Personally, I think of it more as performance art. Besides, on the scale of things 'perverted', it's practically vanilla," I defended myself, feeling a sudden stirring in my groin. My voice was slightly hoarse when I continued, moving toward her and backing her against the wall. "But since you bring it up, I haven't seen you in that slutty schoolgirl outfit in a while. Why is that?" I braced my arms on the tile on either side of her head, leaning in to inhale a deep breath of her scent, enhanced by the hot water. It didn't matter that I had fucked her a mere hour or two ago, I wanted to be buried up to the hilt inside her again, preferably her ass this time. My cock lengthened and started levitating at the thought, and I leaned in to kiss her.

"You haven't asked me to wear it," she replied with a sassy smile, avoiding my incoming lips and ducking under my arm to walk away from me.

My hand shot out, fastening itself around her upper arm. "I'm asking now," I said, pulling her back under the stream of water and slamming her into the wall again. The tiles creaked under the force of the impact, and the cool, sweet breath forced from between her lips washed over my face.

"Tell you what," she said slyly, taking a step toward me. "If you can behave yourself for the rest of the day, I might let you see me in it later."

I flashed a predatory grin and pulled her flush against me. "And if you misbehave before the end of the day, I might spank you in it later," I countered, reaching behind her and smacking her on the ass, hard, the sharp metallic sound of my hand connecting with her wet skin ringing in the enclosed space of the shower.

She gasped, rising on her toes and bumping up against me, trapping my already stiff cock between us. I snaked my arm around her waist and pressed her against me, fisting my hand in her wet hair and angling her head so I could kiss her, hard, rough and demanding.

"Mmmmett..." she moaned my name into my mouth, squirming against me, trying to pull free. I tightened my grip and pushed my leg between hers, until she stopped fighting and was practically riding my thigh, her rhythmically shifting hips stimulating my cock almost painfully. Massively turned on by her struggles, I groaned deeply and held her even tighter, sliding my hand over the firm swell of her ass, middle finger sliding between her cheeks, probing, seeking out her back entrance and wishing it were my cock and not my finger working its way inside her again. I was now officially obsessed with fucking her spanked ass in that uniform, as soon as vampirically possible.

Her moaned protests crescendoed as I curled my finger inside her, and she climaxed suddenly and violently, her ass clenching around my finger. I was second away from my own orgasm when in a sudden burst of effort she managed to slither out of my grasp, shoving me away before darting out of the shower. Off balance, I slipped, which slowed me down; she barely evaded my grasp as I recovered my footing and lunged for her with an outraged bellow, my fist closing on empty air.

"Alice is waiting for me," she called out, her voice shaking. I barked at her to get back in here, right now, dammit. "Later Em, I promise," she continued, whirling into a robe and out of the bathroom, blowing me a kiss. "There's a one day sale, and we have to get there early..."

The rest of her words were drowned out by my angry growl. Frustrated and still painfully hard, I spun around to face the wall, barely resisting the temptation to put my fist through it. I would have to take matters into my own hands. It would only barely satisfy me, but since the only one who could satisfy me completely was on her way out the door to go shopping of all things, I had no choice. Out of petty revenge, I squeezed some of her expensive shower gel into my hand, pressed my arm to the tile and leaned my forehead against it. With a snarl, I fastened my soapy fist around my cock and started jerking off. No fancy moves or tricks, just my hand pulling roughly at my cock until I came in strong, arcing spurts against the tile, crying out through tightly clenched teeth.

By the time I had finished toweling off, I was hard, _yet again_. This was ridiculous even for me. My libido was on the overactive side, I hauled my jeans up my legs, hissing as I arranged my insanely aroused cock, trying to get more comfortable for the short walk back to my man cave. I didn't bother buttoning up, or putting on my t-shirt as I strode out of Rosalie's room and into the hallway. Only when I hear Jasper's "Jesus, Emmett, have at least some basic common decency" did I realize that my already low slung jeans were so low, my dick was the only thing holding them up. "Get over it, Miss Priss," I muttered, shoulder checking him as I passed him by.

Once in the privacy of my room, I slumped into my recliner, balanced my wireless keyboard on my lap - below my joystick - and pulled up the goodies folder on my flat screen TV. I clicked quickly through to another folder called "baby got back" and started the slideshow featuring Rosalie's Ass with a capital A.

Back in the early days of cameras, the pictures I took of her were only mildly erotic, no worse than anything Betty Paige had ever done. I had mere hundreds of photos of Rosalie from those days, compared to the thousands I had now that I didn't need to find someone to develop the pictures, or develop them myself. They could be taken or deleted with one click of a button.

I had a ridiculously extensive collection of pictures featuring Rosalie in compromising positions. They were organized in slideshows - complete with soundtrack - and covered the complete spectrum of my tastes and kinks. There was the Bondage series, with subcategories such as "Outdoors", "Industrial", "Rope", "Suspension", "Automotive" and "Artistic", the Vintage series, with subcategories such as "Victorian", "50s", "Roaring 20s", "80s" (don't judge), and "Automotive" (this was Rosalie after all), and my personal favorite, the Role-play series. It was a comprehensive and well organized collection, and it filled the void when she couldn't. I was very proud of it.

Lifting my hips off the sofa, I pushed my jeans down a little more, freeing my dick and palming it immediately, stroking myself slowly as shot after shot of Rosalie's ass appeared on the huge screen. I had pictures of it covered in every conceivable style of panties, I had pictures of her ass with those different panties up, down, and off. I had pictures of her ass with her hands on it, my hands on it, temporary tattoos on it and pink blush dusted all over it to make it look freshly spanked. Some of them were artistic, some frankly pornographic, and they _all_ turned me on.

I hit pause, and dug around behind the cushions, pulling out a bottle of lube. I flipped the cap open and was about squeeze some into my palm when someone knocked on the door.

"Beat it, Jazz," I snapped, thinking it was Hale being a cock-blocking ass again.

I was wrong. "You mean like you were about to?" he drawled from downstairs, laughing when I snarled at him. Damn empath. He probably felt my lust.

My frown deepened as something suddenly occurred to me. Jasper was known for toying with out emotions occasionally, for his own personal entertainment. It was quite possible that the high levels of lust I had been experiencing were almost entirely due to him.

"It's me, Emmett," Bella said from outside the door, interrupting my thoughts. "You said nine o'clock, and it's ten past now."

"I didn't mean nine o'clock exactly, Bella," I muttered.

"Em, I have a ton to get caught up on if I want to start school in January. We're wasting time. You promised you'd help me." She was starting to sound a little whiny.

Everyone in the house heard her, but no one bothered reminding Bella that Carlisle had already put the kibosh on her going anywhere with a high concentration of humans by January, something she'd remember soon enough.

I let out a gust of exasperated breath. "Get your books," I said impatiently, "I'll be out in a few minutes."

She sighed. "I _have_ my books. I've been set up downstairs since nine."

I muttered under my breath and flipped the lube closed, shoving it back behind the pillow. "Go down and get started, I said, defeated. "Page 82. I'll be down in a minute." _When I've willed away this raging hard on_, I thought darkly, reluctantly pulling my pants back up.

* * *

When I wandered into the living room where Bella had set herself up for out tutoring session, Edward was there, keeping her company and playing the piano. I watched him swaying back and forth like an idiot savant along with the torrent of notes, his head hanging, his eyes closed, lost in his music, fingers literally dancing over the keys.

He was so into it, he was practically begging to be messed with.

Grinning to myself, I looked at my watch, then leaned against the wall, closing my eyes to better visualize Rosalie sprawled across my lap, cotton panties lowered to mid thigh, her spectacular, round ass bared and bouncing beneath strokes delivered by her own hairbrush. It was such a pity her skin couldn't pink up, although sometimes she came to me with her skin already pre-pinked with...

Edward's playing ended in a discordant crash of notes. A quick look at my watch confirmed a new record. Six seconds worth of dirty thoughts was all it took to throw my prudish brother for a loop and break his concentration.

His fingers disappeared into his hair as he clutched his head. "For the love of mercy, Emmett," he groaned, sounding like he was in pain. "It has nothing to do with being a prude. I'm not a prude! I just don't need or want to see stuff like that! She's my sister!"

"Sorry." I grinned unapologetically, peeling myself off the wall. "I couldn't help it." I sauntered over to Bella, who had looked up from her textbook and was eyeing us curiously.

Edward slammed the lid of the piano down and surged to his feet "No, you're not," he snapped. "and, yes, you can." He groaned again, shaking his head. "Ugh, I have to get out of here…I..I have to go bleach my brain. Or something." He strode to the french doors, turning just inside them. "Oh, and Emmett?" he said innocently. "It's always looked more like an uncooked _bratwurst_ nestled in a bun to me." He threw at me a superior smirk before shooting into the woods.

My jaw dropped. Prudie Eddie had made a penis joke. Not a very good one, but it was progress. He really was loosening up, and it warmed my cold, dead heart.

Then the implications of what he'd said sank in, and the cold chill of embarrassment crawled over me.

I knew, we all did, that with Edward's power, there was no mental privacy of any kind to be had when he was around. He was so unobtrusive and polite about it though, one tended to forget that he was potentially reading the most private of one's thoughts. Edward's laughter suddenly ringing out in the distance was all the confirmation I needed. Clearly he'd stayed in range and had been eavesdropping. Score one for my baby bro.

"What was that all about?"

I started, remembering Bella was right there.

"Hmmm?" I said absently, running through my memories to see what other ammunition I had carelessly given Edward today, to use against me.

"You look guilty, Emmett," she said, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "What did you do? And what was Edward talking about?"

"Based on his reaction, do you really think you want to know?" I replied, bending over her notebook and giving her math homework a quick once over. "That's wrong." I tapped on the problem in question to draw her attention to her mistake and keep her from asking me potentially embarrassing questions. It worked, and I was once again grateful that newborns were so easily distracted.

"What's wrong with it?" she challenged me, looking her work over carefully, using her pencil to follow along.

"You need to figure it out for yourself," I instructed her gruffly. "Do it again. From the beginning."

I moved behind the couch and bent over, resting my elbows on the back, watching over her shoulder as she silently worked the problem again, occasionally butting in to correct her or nudge her in the right direction. We worked that way for a couple of hours, heads together, gradually refreshing her memories of the algebra she had completely forgotten during her transition from human to vampire.

Bella had been horrified when she realized she had forgotten almost everything she had learned in high school. When her first and subsequent exposures to humans had been successful, she had imagined we would all be attending college together that coming spring. When she realized that she couldn't remember enough to pass even the most basic college courses, her hopes had been crushed only to rise again when she realized how rapidly she would re-learn everything. Jasper had quickly crushed them again, confidently stating that in his estimation it would be at least a year more before she was completely comfortable and natural around humans, regardless of what level she she was at scholastically. Carlisle had agreed with him, which had led to a heated argument between the three of them. Bella felt foolishly confident that she had her bloodlust under control and could pass for human, and was convinced that Jasper was just saying that to annoy her - an idea that wasn't beyond the realm of possibility, though I happened to agree with him in this case. Then she got upset with Carlisle for taking his side, and then Edward made her shit list for trying to play the peacemaker and refusing to take sides.

The days of her having a tantrum and breaking furniture where over though, and she'd calmly told us that she needed to go for a walk alone, to think and cool down, and that she promised she would stay close to the house and answer her phone if they called. The kid had really come a long way.

I didn't follow her fifteen minutes later because I thought she needed watching. I trusted her. I just knew my kid sister enough to figure that eventually she would calm down enough to want to talk about it, and I asked Edward if he minded if had a talk with her first.

"I think you might be just the person she needs," he said, staring at the tree line where Bella had disappeared earlier. He looked at me with a wry grin. "It certainly isn't me right now."

"Don't worry, bro," I said, clapping him on he shoulder. "She'll have snapped out of it by the time we get back."

I found Bella squatting on a boulder, her arms wrapped around her legs and her chin tucked between her knees. She was staring pensively at the ground.

Leaping up onto the boulder, I squatted down beside her, balancing on the balls of my feet, and resting my forearms on my knees.

Hey, kid," I said, when she didn't acknowledge me.

"Hey, Em," she replied, finally sparing me a fleeting look.

"Feeling better?" I nudged her with my elbow.

She shrugged, but stayed silent. We crouched there for a while, like a couple of vultures, surveying our surroundings while I waited for her to gather her thoughts and start talking.

My mind had begun wandering back to sex with Rosalie, when Bella finally spoke. "Do you think it is too soon for me to go to college?" she asked, turning to me.

Nuh-uh. Not going there. "You aren't going anywhere until you brush up on the stuff you've forgotten," I said, trying to divert her attention.

She picked at a loose thread on the hem of her jeans, her lips pushed out into a cute pout. "I've only got a couple of months, Em. How am I going to re-learn years worth of stuff in two months?" she said sadly.

"Well, the good news is that with your new and improved vampire brain, it won't take anywhere near that long," I explained, sitting down and letting my feet dangle over the edge of the rock. "Once you grasp a concept, it will stay with you forever. You won't have to do a math problem over and over again to get it, like some humans do. We can power through a few years of high school in no time."

She said nothing, obviously not entirely convinced.

"I'll help you, if you like. I can tutor you in anything you want."

Hope glimmered in her eyes when she looked at me. "You would do that for me?"

I snorted, shoving her. "Of course I would, kid. In a heartbeat."

"So not at all, then, given that we don't have a heartbeat." Her lips were twitching when I shot her a look.

"Ha ha. Cute," I said sarcastically, taking advantage of the fact that her strength had waned considerably by suddenly wrapping my arm around her neck. I pulled her to me and gave her a rough noogie, managing to get myself thrown off the rock for my pains.

"Is this how you treat your tutor?" I questioned mildly, picking myself up off the ground and dusting myself off.

She leaped off the rock and landed gracefully beside me. "No, it's how I treat my annoying big brother. Tutors don't give their students noogies."

"Vampire ones do, and worse," I threatened, following behind her as she started for home. "I'll hang you up by your toes if you don't do your homework."

She skipped away from me, bounding down the hill like a gazelle. "Whatever, Teach," she called out as she went. "As long as it helps me be ready for classes by the end of January, you can do whatever the hell you want."

Unseen by her, I raised an eyebrow and grinned evilly. _Be careful what you wish for, kid_.

* * *

"Em? Did you hear me?"

I focused back on the present, vaulting over the back of the sofa and landing on my butt right next to her. "Tell me again, Bells," I asked her, putting my arms around her shoulders.

She shrugged me off and waved her pad in front of my face. "I'm finished," she repeated.

Plucking her pencil and pad out of her hands, I scanned her work quickly. "A+, Bella," I said, proud of her. "You did great. I think that about covers it for math. We can tackle trig and calculus if you change your mind about majoring in English lit." I handed the pad and pencil back to her. "Tomorrow we can get started with French."

I vaulted over the back of the couch again and prepared to go back to my man-cave, when a thought occurred to me. "Hey...Bella? Do you think you could find Edward and keep him away for a while? You know, keep him...occupied?" I waggled my eyebrows suggestively.

She finished gathering up all her books and notes and looked up. "Sure, Emmett. Why?"

"Well, I have a feeling he might be a bit frisky, for a start." With the thoughts I had been having all morning, he was probably in the kind of pain only his mate could relieve. And with her newborn strength - and therefore her physical dominance over her mate - all but gone, little Bella's uppance might finally be coming. They would both be more comfortable if it came far away from prying eyes, ears, and powers. "Also," I continued, "I would really like to finish what I started upstairs without someone poking around in my head."

"What about someone poking around in your emotions?"

Damn, I had forgotten about him. "Yeah..." I rubbed my neck. "I guess with the pipsqueak gone for the day, there is no one to keep him in line."

"I'll handle him, Emmett," Esme said, walking briskly out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a paint-stained rag. "Carlisle and I will take him hunting."

"I'll pass, thanks," Jasper called out. "I'm not thirsty, and I'm busy."

Esme wasn't taking no for an answer. "You'll hunt anyway. And you're not doing anything that can't be put off for...Jasper Whitlock!" she said sharply. "Don't you dare use your powers to manipulate me! Don't think I don't know you've been toying with everyone's emotions all morning. Now march! We are going to give Emmett some alone time, and you are coming with us!"

There was love and motherly amusement in her voice, but she also called him by his real name, which meant she wasn't kidding around. We all heard Carlisle's quietly amused "We had better do as she says, son," and Jasper's answering chuckle.

"Ok, wait...What? Whose emotions has he been toying with?" I asked suspiciously, narrowing my eyes at Jasper when he strolled into the room, Carlisle on his heels.

"I haven't been doing anything," he said with exaggerated innocence and a blank expression.

"Yes, you have," Esme interjected firmly. She turned to me. "He gets a certain look on his face when he's manipulating people for his own entertainment."

Jasper was looking a little guilty when I turned to him.

"Dude," I said reproachfully. "Not cool. You had me thinking something was wrong with me."

Jasper grinned sheepishly. "Sorry man," he said, offering no explanation.

"Yeah, I'm not sure you are," I muttered.

"Alright, that's enough of that," Esme said briskly giving Jasper a little push toward the patio doors. "Let's go." She clapped her hands. "Hop to it." Stopping in front of me, she patted my cheek. "We'll be gone for a few hours, sweetie."

They filed out of the house and melted into the tree line like the predators that they were.

* * *

Between Bella coming back for a blanket and Jasper deciding he needed his camera, it was ten more minutes before their voices had faded and I was finally alone. Not willing to lose another minute, I flew up to my room and had my pants down around hips and the slide show going in seconds. But just as I was about to flip the cap on the bottle of lube open, I heard the sounds of an approaching car.

_Un-fucking-believable_. I let out a roar of frustration and threw the bottle across the room, splattering lube all over my video games. "I give up," I muttered, pulling my jeans up over my protesting cock. "Somebody obviously hates me."

There was a soft knock on the door. "Come in," I barked, trying and failing to make myself comfortable in my pants.

The door opened and Rosalie slipped in, closing the door softly behind her.

My chin sagged, and the problem in my pants got worse.

She was leaning against the door, looking like mortal sin on legs. Her hair was up in wildly tangled, uneven pig-tails; her eyes were smoky with make-up and her lips wet with pale pink gloss.

But the best part, the part that made the blue balls, the teasing, and everything else worthwhile, was her outfit. She was a hot, sexy mess.

I was a man of uncomplicated tastes. I saw nothing wrong with the stereotypes, and was perfectly happy with seeing Rosalie in something as pedestrian as a french maid's uniform. Then again, Rose had always been able to take the stereotype and turn it into something uniquely her.

This time was no different.

She looked like a catholic schoolgirl gone very, very bad. She wore a rumpled white shirt, unbuttoned to indecent levels over a lacy scrap of a bra that barely contained her luscious breasts, with her tie loosened to match. One side of her shirt tails was hanging out over a short, pleated tartan skirt that was so indecently short it fell a mere inch below the tops of her thighs. White knee socks covered her shapely calves, and on her feet…

I swallowed convulsively. On her feet, she wore patent leather Mary-Janes.

With stratospherically high heels.

Reality was better than all the pictures, all the fantasies that had plagued me all day, combined. I stood there like a shellshocked idiot for a few seconds, and then my predatory instincts kicked in. My cock hardened so quickly I got dizzy, and I tensed in anticipation for whatever my beautiful wife had in store for me.

She winked. "Alice left to join the others. We're alone," she said seriously.

One of my eyebrows quirked. "Are we, now?" I mused, looking at her intently. I deliberately left the slide show running and strolled casually around the recliner to stand in front of her.

"She's going to keep them away as long as we need," she added, looking me straight in the eyes, her golden irises dark with lust and rich with meaning.

I kept mine firmly locked on hers. "So we've got the house completely to ourselves for as long as it takes." I reached for her tie, and reeled her in, dipping my head, my lips hovering close enough to feel her quickening breath.

Her lips quirked up in a soft and saucy Mona Lisa smile. "We do," she said huskily.

My hands dropped to her waist, pulling her firmly against my hips. "What do you need, babe?" I whispered against her mouth.

"This is going to be about what _you _ need," she whispered back, her fingers dusting over my cheekbone.

She pushed herself out of my arms, taking a step back and slowly ducking her head. When she raised her face to me again, it was just enough to look at me through her eyelashes with a very convincing look of contrition, the tip of her index finger caught between her teeth.

_Yes_! I mentally punched the air with my fist, and crossed my arms over my chest. "Do you have something you'd like to say to me, Rosalie?" I asked with feigned sternness.

She nodded shyly, and then spoke the words that undid me.

"I've been a very bad girl, Emmett…"

* * *

**Note**: Next up, Carlisle.

In other news, I am hoping to participate in the Canon Tour, the New Moon round. If I finish up in time (edited to add: yeah. Probably not going to happen).


	9. Carlisle

**Note: **Well, I'm back, and having the damnedest time getting this posted for some reason. Going to try again, and hope I didn't submit it twice.

This one's a little different. If I gave my chapters proper titles, this one would be called "Conversations with Carlisle". Rather than being one continuous story, it ended up being more like a series of vignettes. Also, you'll need to know that when Bella was changed in _Captive_, she was injected with venom collected from not only Edward, but Carlisle and Jasper as well.

**PS**: Oh hell. In my eagerness to get this posted after an absence of...way too long, I uploaded the wrong version of this chapter to doc manager. It's still readable - only the last bit is affected; it isn't quite as fleshed out in this version as in the one I intended to post. Unfortunately, that version is on my laptop at home, and I won't be getting to it until late this evening, or possibly even tomorrow morning. Sorry about that.

* * *

**Carlisle**

"Bella. You're doing it again. Stop sitting so still, fidget a little."

She stopped staring glassily into the middle distance, and focused on me, only her head swiveling toward me in a highly unnatural, non-human manner.

"Mmmm?" she hummed absently, fixing me with a vacant amber stare.

I sighed, placing the journal I was reading face down on my desk, and prepared to repeat myself yet again. "If you expect to go to college any time soon, you're going to have to get used to acting human _constantly_." I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the ink blotter, noting the annoyed look that flitted, lightening-fast, across her face before she composed herself again. My unwillingness to allow her to go to college yet was still a sore point between us, but there was nothing I could do about that. She just wasn't ready for that level of contact with humans, and this had been made abundantly clear to us on a recent family outing to a nearby mall.

We had gone late in the evening to ensure a smaller crowd, and with the sole purpose of giving Bella some exposure and evaluating her comportment around humans. Esme and I walked arm in arm, six feet behind the kids, watching Bella closely as she glided past the few patrons who were still out that late. The arm that was looped through Alice's was stiff, and she moved her head a fraction too quickly to look completely human. Not that any of the passing people would have noticed anything more than a very highly strung young woman clinging to her friend's arm. She drew looks, but then we all did. The problem was that in college, she wouldn't be just passing through. At present, she could not sustain the act for any length of time, and that simply would not do.

Bella fought me more on the issue of college than she'd ever done over anything else, and it had never been harder for me to keep a hold of my temper with one of my children. Unlike the rest of my kids, Bella was a child of the modern age with a very different relationship to parental authority. It had been a while since I had raised a newborn, and I was unprepared for how much the parenting experience had changed over the decades. She tried my patience more than all of my creations put together ever had, and I'd had to let my human veneer slip and handle her not as a father, but as a coven leader would, temporarily setting aside my feelings for her to make her finally drop a subject that as far as I was concerned had been closed quite some time ago. This wasn't a matter of deciding whether to indulge a beloved daughter or not; it was a matter of not only our safety, but the safety of the humans she may someday be around. I could not and would not bend on this. She would go to college when I was absolutely certain she was ready, and not a moment sooner.

As the beginning of the spring semester came and went, Bella finally accepted that she wasn't going to go to school yet, and more importantly, grudgingly admitted that maybe she wasn't ready. But she didn't like it, and made no secret of that fact. When the summer semester started and we still hadn't moved, she settled into annoyed resignation.

"You can't let your guard down for even a second," I continued patiently. "Going completely still when you are lost in thought is going to get you noticed quickly. Especially if you are around the same people day in and day out, like you will be in school. Do you understand?"

She nodded, and then slumped back in the armchair, jiggling her knee and toying with a strand of her hair, wrapping it around her finger, and then unwinding it again. Her eyes slanted my way, looking for approval.

I nodded. "Better." Her posture and movements were slightly wooden, but I saw no reason to tell her that right then. It would come to her with practice eventually.

As I watched her, I became fascinated anew with the process of adjustment all vampires go through as they "grow up" and adapt to their new bodies and abilities. They had all had their own individual foibles and issues, but with Bella...let's just say that nothing had come easily for the poor girl. She was the vampire equivalent of a difficult child - rather like Edward, though not int the same way - and that had surprised me considering she had been such a biddable human being. Then again, human behavior was never a guaranteed indication of how that person would be as a vampire, and there were times when it looked like Bella had made a 180 degree about-face. Every newborn cliché seemed to have found a home in her. She had managed to escape none of the problems that seemed to plague newborns, and the results, though not always pleasant, were almost always entertaining.

I grinned. All things considered, she was handling her newborn issues as best she could.

Pride in her swelled inside me. She had come such a long way from that human girl who let Edward get away with too much, and I was looking forward to watching her continue to unfold into her full vampire and human potential. Bella had an avid curiosity, a sharp mind, and had developed a profound thirst for knowledge. I very quickly came to look forward to her visits to my study.

Her routine was the same every time she came. She would wander around to room, studying the artwork on the walls, running her fingers lightly over polished wood, worn leather and the spines of the books that lined walls. She would touch almost everything in the room, getting to know all of it by her enhanced sense of touch. She explored texture and temperature with her fingertips, her circuit eventually ending behind me, where I usually sat at my desk. She'd loop her arms loosely about my neck and prop her chin on the top of my head so she could see what I was reading or working on. I would reach for one of her hands, resting lightly on my collar-bone, and give it a gentle squeeze. A minute or so later, she would go back to the bookcases, select a book, and then curl up in the armchair by the window. We would sit in companionable silence, until whatever she had been thinking of resulted in a question so completely out of left field that it would startle me. This usually lead to a discussion that more often than not would open my eyes to something I had never even thought to consider.

She didn't disappoint me this time either.

"Carlisle?"

I looked up, preparing myself to be delighted yet again.

"Do you believe in a loving, compassionate God?"

She was still mechanically bouncing her leg and twirling her hair, and I briefly debated drawing her attention to the fact that repetitive jittering looked as unnatural as complete stillness. More interested in the intellectual journey my youngest was sure to take me on, I discarded the thought. There was plenty of time for that later.

"Yes, I do. Why do you ask?"

"I've been thinking about Edward's belief that he - and therefore all of us - have no soul." She stared at the wall with a slight frown wrinkling her nose. "Does it make sense to you that a loving God would consign people, the people he created, to 'everlasting torment?'" She made air quotes around the last two words.

I sobered and looked at the large wooden cross leaning against the wall in the corner of the room. "It's not that simple, Bella," I murmured sadly.

She sat up and faced me, the hard light of avid inquiry shining in her eyes. "What if it is?" she said. "What if it is _exactly_ that simple?

"If God created everything, wouldn't it follow that he or she - or it? - created us too? I think maybe we are just a different kind of human. An evolutionary tangent, so to speak. Isn't it possible that during the change the areas of our brain involving aggression, whatever they are..."

I interrupted her. "That would be the lower portions of the brain, the more 'reactive'" - I too sketched air quotes in the air in front of me as I lectured - "and primitive part. They would include the amygdala, hypothalamus, prefrontal and cingulate cortices, the hippocampus..."

She interrupted me right back, impatient to share her theories. "Well, what if some kind of regression occurs during the change, something that causes those parts of the brain to change somehow..."

Fascinated and engaged in the conversation, I forgot my manners and interrupted her again. "Loss of cortical function through various pathological processes - including, one could very well imagine, the transformation from human to vampire - can lead to a loss of cortical modulation of arousal, impulsivity and aggressivity which would necessarily result in persistence of primitive behavioral reactivity, thereby predisposing one to violent behavior..." I paused. "Yes, that's an interesting theory, Bella. It is entirely possible that the venom - or even only the trauma of the change itself - altered those parts of our brains when we turned into vampires."

She hopped out of the armchair and came to sit in front of me. "It could explain why we are so out of control as newborns," she said, pulling her legs up on the seat and crossing them. "Maybe it takes time to get that modulation you mentioned back."

I shook my head. "Once we become vampire, we are as good as set in stone. The transformation fixes any physical flaws, but once we are changed, that's it. Any loss of cortical modulation would likely be permanent."

She frowned, pursing her lips in thought. "Then why don't we stay in that newborn state for the rest of our existence?"

"We have the capacity to adapt, but if you think about it none of it is strictly physical. Our physical brains, the part you could technically touch with your hands, is unchanging. It will not degenerate, or evolve - at least not in the way we see it. Yet it still functions, and even better than it did before. It's more likely it finds new ways, new pathways to compensate for and deal with this lack of modulation."

She hummed pensively and sank into thought again, lapsing into her usual preternatural stillness almost immediately.

I cleared my throat pointedly, and she began jigging her knee up and down, and biting her thumbnail. With a fond smile, I left her to her thoughts and went back to my reading. Not five minutes passed before Bella spoke again, veering wildly to a new subject.

"Venom," she said absently, out of the blue, her hand falling away from her mouth. I gladly put the journal down again and waited for her to continue. I didn't have to wait long.

She stood and walked over to the book-case, looking at the medical journals with her lower lip caught between her teeth. "Do you think it has any part in forging a special bond between a vampire and his or her maker?" she asked, observing me with a frown. "A bond that is different from that between unrelated vampires? I love the whole family of course, but I feel like my bond with you and Jasper - Edward is my mate, so he is in a category all of his own - is somehow different from my bond with Rosalie, Esme, Alice and Emmett. I love them all very much, and I can't really describe the feeling, but my connection to you and Jasper seems...different. Somehow...amplified."

I leaned forward, tenting my fingers. "Again, there is no way of scientifically proving it, but it is generally accepted by the vampire community that there's a closer bond between a vampire and the one who created him, and also a similar bond, but to a somewhat lesser degree, between vampires who share the same maker."

"That could explain why Jasper pisses me off so much sometimes," she mused. "Those closest to us always have the capacity to hurt or anger us more than people we have no connection to."

" True." I smiled. "But possibly not entirely fair to Jasper. There are other factors to take into consideration. First of all, he is privy to every one of your emotions - and you must admit, they used to be pretty extreme. Secondly, he's had the unenviable task of being in charge of a large part of your upbringing..."

"Ha ha, _dad_, " she interjected pertly. "You're _hilarious_."

"...and that alone would be enough to drive _any_ vampire crazy," I continued, keeping a straight face.

She rolled her eyes and snorted in a decidedly teenage manner, rose from the chair with stunning grace and flounced out of the room.

* * *

Her curiosity took her too far sometimes. There was the time she decided to see if mixing blood with small amounts of human food - melted chocolate and freshly squeezed orange juice, both separately and combined - would make the food more palatable.

It didn't. She did inadvertently discover that while eating human food didn't harm us, taking it with the right amount of blood was incredibly painful, and felt not unlike the change from human to vampire, albeit not nearly as agonizing. Nevertheless, when one of those attempts caused enough pain to have her screaming for half an hour, I forbade her to keep experimenting on herself. At least I would have, if Esme hadn't gotten to it before me.

Not surprisingly, it was Edward who sensed something wrong first, before the sound of smashing glass reached us, before the first of her agonized screams rattled the windows and her shield blew wide open, battering Jasper with her fear. Edward and Emmett reached the kitchen first, cannoning off each other as they charged through the doorway. Edward dropped to his knees and slid to a stop beside her, in a pool of murky maroon liquid and shattered glass.

"Bella!" he cried, reaching for her, his voice shaking with his fear for her. "Bella, what's wrong? Carlisle..." He turned to me, his dread making him look very young.

I took over. "Get her up on the table,' I ordered, as Emmett sent the jars stained with blood, and the gutted oranges to the ground with a sweep of his arm, making space for her. Edward lifted his writhing mate into his arms and on to the table.

"Pen light," I muttered to the room, peeling back her eyelid with my thumb, and taking the light from whomever had retrieved it from the medical bag in my study. "Keep her still," I told the boys, and swept the light underneath the right eye and up, repeating the assessment on the other side. Her pupils reacted normally, and a hand to her forehead reassured me that her temperature was in the normal range for a vampire, as was her skin tone. If anything, it looked healthier than usual. Beyond that, there was little else I could do to determine how she was doing, as she couldn't stop screaming long enough to answer my questions.

When Jasper finally managed to cut through all the feelings swirling around the room, pinpoint Bella's fear, and minimize it, her thrashing became less frantic and she was able to talk to me between her cries of pain.

"What did you do?" I said curtly, unable to keep the fear-induced anger out of my voice.

"Orange juice...blood," she groaned, breathing heavily. "Drank it..."

I crouched down touching a finger to the liquid on the floor and tasting it. The flavor was...interesting. I had never eaten an orange, so I had no basis for comparison, but Bella's concoction actually tasted good.

"How rapid was the onset of symptoms?" I asked, standing again.

"What...?" she muttered, squinting up at me through glazed eyes, unable to focus her thoughts.

"How quickly did the pain start?" I rephrased, touching the back of my fingers to her cheek. "Was it immediate? Did it take a few minutes? Where is it it localized?

Haltingly, she told me that the pain had started within about twenty to thirty minutes of her drinking the orange juice laced blood, and it was initially focused around her lower abdomen, but had soon spread to the rest of her body. This confirmed to me that the pain was probably a direct result of what she had ingested. It sounded to me very much like combining the orange juice with blood had allowed its nutrients to be absorbed with the blood into her system. I couldn't know for sure, but I suspected it was those nutrients that were causing the pain throughout her body.

Later, this would lead her to theorize that maybe those nutrients, combined with blood, fed our dead cells and initiated a reverse change, from vampire back to human. "Maybe If they continued to take in blood with human food in it," she would tell me excitedly, "Vampires could turn back into humans!"

It was an interesting theory. Unlikely, but it made for an animated and fascinating discussion.

"I think she will be fine once she's burned though what she ingested," I told Edward, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Take her upstairs to bed. There is nothing we can do but wait."

While her body ached for a couple of days, the worst of the pain was over in a few short hours. Esme didn't wait moment longer to read her the riot act. "You will stop this nonsense immediately, do you understand?" she scolded, the moment we both walked through the door to her room to check on her. "I absolutely forbid it." Only I could tell how worried she was underneath the scolding tone.

She started arguing. Of course. "But Esme..."

I immediately backed up my wife. "No," I stated firmly, cutting her protest short before they could escalate. "You heard her. Enough. We have no idea what this could do to you in the long run. You're still too young. I won't allow you to take stupid risks and harm yourself."

"But..." she tried again, stopping short when I leveled an icy glare at her, the one that made most vampires, never mind my children, immediately reconsider the wisdom of saying another word. Her lower lip pushed out ever so slightly, but she wisely held her tongue.

She gave up the experimenting grudgingly, but out of those experiments, and our earlier discussions on the brain, an interest in studying vampire physiology was born.

"...I mean, has anybody ever tried?" She babbled animatedly, following me from desk to bookshelf and back again, allowing me no time to answer her spate of questions. "Has anyone looked at vampire dust under a microscope? What about an MRI? No, a CAT scan! Have you ever considered that? Is there anything that can cut us? Do you think it would be possible to get a cross-section of a finger, or something to analyze? Hey, did we keep any of Victoria? I'm going to buy a microscope. Can you recommend one? A really strong one. One that can take pictures..."

I grinned delightedly at her as she tapped on the keys of her laptop, muttering to herself, mentally changing her major from English Literature to Hematology before she had finished googling microscopes.

"The answer is in the blood," she said pensively, staring at the wall. "It has to be."

I hid an indulgent smile behind the medical journal I was holding and went back to reading.

* * *

Chief Swan was starting to ask too many questions. He hadn't seen his daughter in about two years; it was natural that he wanted to see her. Now Renee was adding her voice to his, trying to convince Bella and Edward to spend the next holidays with her and Phil.

It was getting harder for Bella to put them off. I was surprised that she was able to them off for so long. Then again, webcams had made keeping up with loved ones ever easier, and Bella made use of them often to stay in touch with her parents and a few select friends. The quality of webcams was still such that Bella needed nothing more than a pair of brown contact lenses, and she was able to communicate with them without arousing suspicion.

But even that had its limits. I know if I was Charlie, or Renee, I wouldn't be content with Skyping for very long. I would want to see my only daughter in person, have her come visit for the holidays...or worse - for us - show up unannounced to visit her.

The possibility of that concerned me. I also knew that if Bella simply disappeared, Charlie would move heaven and earth looking for her, and would likely never stop. In the process, he could draw unwanted attention to us. Worse, we may become implicated in her disappearance. At this point, the only solution I could see is Bella "dying", preferably in a way completely unconnected to us.

She would _not_ be happy about this.

I broached the subject carefully. "Bella..." I paused, trying to find the best way to formulate my concerns. "We need to start thinking about what to do about your parents."

She had been stretched out on the sofa and sat up, panic in her eyes. She knew exactly what I meant, and I saw another battle looming with her. I had a feeling this could make all other battles with my headstrong daughter look like walks in the park – should I end up deciding her "death" was the only solution. She opened her mouth to speak, but I continued before she could get a word out.

"_Thinking_, Bella. I said we need to start _thinking_ about it. I have come to no decision yet."

My words did nothing to appease her. "Carlisle…" Her voice was unsteady, and she sat up straight, twisting her hands together in her lap, looking very convincingly human all of a sudden. "I can't die. I can't hurt my parents like that. I just can't. There has to be another way."

"And if there is, we will find it," I said gently. "But you'll abide by my decision, whatever it ends up being, just as you agreed."

She said nothing, her eyes shifting away from mine, a flicker of something in them as she chewed on her lower lip. Somewhere in the house, Alice gasped, and I didn't need to be a mind reader to know that she had most probably seen Bella's decision to defy me, should she not agree with my decision when I finally made it.

"Bella," I said firmly, when she didn't speak. "You may not have been human when you gave me your promise, but I know you remember agreeing to accept whatever I decided when I gave you my conditions for changing you."

"I remember," she murmured, still avoiding my eyes, and drawing invisible patterns in the fabric of the seat with her fingernail.

I left my desk and went to sit next to her on the sofa. "Look at me," I said gently. She did, albeit reluctantly. "You won't fight me on this, will you, whatever I decide?" I watched her face carefully as I waited for her reply.

She hesitated, and then surprised me yet again. "I don't know," she replied, her topaz eyes free of guile and fixed openly and honestly on mine.

Rendered temporarily speechless, I simply stared at her. "Could you elaborate, please?" I finally asked.

She looked at her hands, evidently collecting her thoughts, and then looked back up at me. "I mean I don't know if I will accept your decision if it means I have to put my parents through the pain of losing me to death. Carlisle...there _has_ to be another way."

For a split second I considered letting out the coven leader and frightening her into acquiescing, since reason had failed, but the idea died before it had even fully formed. It would not make a difference in the long run. I could not - nor did I want to - control her actions forever. The best I could do was work with her to find a solution that satisfied us all and kept our secret safe.

I had no idea what that could be.

Time to call on the expert. I spoke Alice's name, and seconds later, the door opened and she popped her head in. She knew what I was asking, and shot Bella a guilty look, telling me everything I needed to know. Bella understood the subtext immediately, and shot to her feet. "You can't get mad at me for something Alice sees in a vision, that I haven't done yet!" she seethed.

"Sit down," I said calmly, and waited for her to comply before I continued. "Nobody is mad at you, Bella, and I'm not going to force you into anything. I can see that there is no point. I just ask that you make no move without discussing it with me first. We need to be very careful in what we do. We need to consider the Volturi. You could put us all in great danger."

Shaken, she nodded.

"Come on, Bella," Alice said kindly, "Let's go for a run. I need to talk to you about the wedding, and I don't need Edward listening in."

Bella made a completely pointless sound of annoyance. "Alice..." she said, resigned, following her sister out of the room. "There_ is_ no wedding yet. Edward hasn't even proposed, and anyway, you know I don't care about the details. Do what you want. Or better yet, talk to Edward. He's the one with stars in his eyes about this. I just want to get hitched; the how doesn't matter to me."

As their voices faded, Jasper appeared in the doorway, looking a little stressed, waiting until Bella and Alice disappeared out of the range of our hearing. I took this to mean that he wanted a word with me, and didn't want Bella around to hear it.

"You have some concerns about Bella?" I guessed correctly, patting the seat next to me. Jasper joined me there, dropping in his seat with his elbows on his knees.

"Carlisle..." He scrubbed his hands over his face and through his hair. "She's driving' me crazy. She doesn't listen to me, she doesn't do as I tell her...I have no control over her."

I thought back to what Bella had said about those closest to you being able to get to you the most. She and Jasper were very close, but they locked horns more than any of the others did. Perhaps it had been unfair of me to ask him to take such a prominent role in her upbringing. His skills were most definitely needed, but maybe I should have asked him to be more subtle about using them, to operate more from the sidelines.

I dismissed the thought and hastened to reassure him. "Nonsense, Jasper. You've had plenty of experience with controlling newborns..."

He interrupted me. "But I can't treat her the way I did the others. Hell, I only smacked her on the ass _once_, and you saw how _that_ turned out." He leaned back, dropping his head on the back of the sofa and staring at the ceiling. "Humans spank their kids all the time. It's an accepted way of dealing with discipline. Hell, I'm pretty sure my daddy whipped me more times than I can remember, and it didn't harm _me_."

"Different times, son. And Bella isn't exactly a child, despite being a newborn. Besides, exercising authority doesn't have to involve violence, you know that. Anyway, recent studies have shown that that's not the best way to handle discipline. But Jasper, I really don't think you have to worry about it anymore. Bella's emotional control has improved immensely, has it not?"

"Well, yes it has. She's definitely a lot more stable." He leaned back, dropping his head on the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.

"Well then. Maybe you don't need to be so vigilant anymore."

He rolled his head to look at me, quirking up the corner of his mouth. "You saying I should let go?"

I chuckled, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You stepped up when I asked you to help, and you've done a great job with her. But maybe it _is_ time to let go. Maybe we _all_ need to let go, let her stand on her own two feet, learn from her mistakes. Keep an eye on her emotions, step in only when our secret or a life is in danger, and leave whatever parenting is necessary to me, ok?

He turned his face back to the ceiling, staring at it and thinking. "That sounds really good, actually. Maybe we'll get along better if we go back to being just brother and sister. He barked out a laugh, sitting up again. "Yeah, right..."

Before I could comment on that, we heard the sound of Emmet approaching. It sounded like he was talking to himself.

"No...No. Dude, if we had specified a power factor of point-eight lagging, we would have needed a lower excitation voltage. I'm telling you...No. There's got to be a mistake in there somewhere. Yes...I'll run the numbers again and...What? Oh...OK...I'm taking it out for a trial run. I'll call you when I'm on site. Later, man."

He stuck his head around the door, pulling his bluetooth out of his ear and addressing me with his customary irreverence. "Hey, Old Man, have you seen...? Oh, there you are," he said unenthusiastically when his eyes found Jasper. "I'm going to test fire the rocket, Jazz. Since you're going to show up and point out everything I'm doing wrong anyway, you might as well come along and help me carry everything."

"It'd be my pleasure," Jasper drawled with a smirk, not even bothering to conceal his amusement at Emmett's sour expression. He stood and headed toward the door, turning just before passing through it. "Thanks, Carlisle," he said, and then they too disappeared down the hall, with a considerable amount of pushing and shoving if the sounds I heard were anything to go by.

I shook my head with a wry smile and went back to my desk to wait for the potential explosions. The literal_ and_ figurative explosions.

After going about as far as he could with his orange cannon design - and being forbidden by Esme to fire _anything_ within a two-mile radius of the house - Emmett had moved on to designing bottle rockets, and then actual rockets - at which point Esme had extended the no-fly boundaries to 10 miles. He'd found support in an online community of fellow aficionados, and could be heard arguing or conferring with them at every hour of the day. Or night. Rosalie was starting to get a little annoyed.

Jasper had dogged him mercilessly, criticizing and offering unwelcome suggestions for improvement at every turn, even occasionally influencing Emmett emotionally, to rile him up and start an inevitable fight. In the early days of testing this had led to a couple of major fist-fights. On one memorable occasion a spectacular misfire, followed by a violent altercation between the boys, had prompted the authorities to investigate our little corner of the world. Fortunately, we had managed to evade scrutiny. They did come to the house, but Emmett had moved anything related to his rocket building far out into the wilderness in case they asked to search our home, and after a brief conversation during which we denied having noticed anything untoward in the area, they left us in peace. That was when Esme had imposed her no-fly zone.

I sat down and picked up my pen. I had a feeling we could be in for another eventful afternoon.

* * *

"What are you thinking about?" I had been watching Bella for a minute or so, curious about the expression on her face. She had been hanging out with me in my study again, and was stretched out on the sofa, eyes closed, a paperback book resting open on her stomach. When her lips started twitching into a smile every few seconds, I just had to ask.

"Mawwage," she intoned in a funny, nasal voice, without opening her eyes.

I blinked. "Excuse me?" I had no idea what she'd just said.

She sat up, holding up the paperback for me to see. It was a book I was familiar with but had not read, The Princess Bride by William Goldman. I raised my eyebrows to indicate that I still didn't understand.

"Mawwage. One of the characters in the story talks funny and...oh, never mind." She tossed the book lightly on the sofa, and continued speaking. "I was thinking about marriage."

"Ah. Marriage in general, or yours in particular?"

She thought for a moment. "A bit of both, I suppose."

"And your conclusions?"

"It seems like much ado about nothing to be honest. I don't get it. I especially don't get it for us. We have fake identities, well, you guys do anyway, and fake paperwork to go along with them. Why not fake marriage licences too? In fact, in this day and age, why bother with marriage licences at all? We'll shed our old identities at some point, which will make them invalid anyway." She chewed on her lip for a moment, and then continued. "Then again, that's what makes them so much easier to go through."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, humans have only one life, one identity. When they marry, it's generally intended for life, even though it doesn't turn out that way for many of them. It makes marriage a much bigger commitment than it is for us. Our marriages only last as long as our identities do - that's actually the main reason I'm ok with getting married, to be honest. I mean, I know I'll always be with Edward, so why should I care, right? But for some reason I find it comforting that the legal aspect of it will only last until we get new identities."

Before I could add my two cents to the discussion, she changed the subject.

"I'm thinking about asking Edward to take my last name when we finally do it," she mused. "Do you think he'd have a problem with that?"

That, I had not expected. "Well, he is a bit old fashioned, as you know, though he has come a long way since you've been changed. Why?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"It'll be a long time before I can use that name again; I'd kind of like to hang on to it as long as possible."

"That makes sense, and I think he'd understand."

"Anyway. No sense in deciding right now. He hasn't even asked me yet." We heard a car pull up, and Bella reached for he book and hopped to her feet with a huge smile. "Gotta go, Edward's back. Oh, and Carlisle?" She put her index finger to her lips, indicating that she didn't want me to say anything - or think anything - about the whole name change thing. I mimed zipping my lips. She nodded her thanks and practically skipped to the door.

Just before going out, she turned in the doorway, her hand on the handle. "Carlisle?" she said again.

"Yes, sweetheart?" I looked up at her, closing the book I had just opened.

She seemed to be struggling with whatever it was she wanted to say. I waited patiently, smiling reassuringly as she searched for the words. She finally drew in a breath and spoke.

"Would you be really upset if I walked myself down the aisle?" she said somewhat shyly. "I want to do it for Charlie. If it can't be him, I...I want to walk by myself."

"I think that's a lovely thought, Bella," I said, feeling only a hint of wistfulness at the thought of not getting to give her away. There would undoubtably be more weddings. I would have many opportunities to walk the newest addition to the family down the aisle.

* * *

**Note**: Emmett's rocket-speak? Totally made up. They are engineering terms, but I know nothing about rocket science, and I highly doubt they have anything to do with it.

Next up...I'm not sure. If I continue as I began, there should be another Carlisle chapter, followed by two Alice chapters, then two Edward chapters, and then maybe a Bella chapter to sort of tie everything up. That's six more chapters. Actually, that doesn't seem so bad now that I think about it, but still, I have been seriously considering doing only one Alice chapter, Edward chapter and Bella chapter, so I'd be done in three more instead of six.

So, stay tuned (or not) for either another Carlisle, or Alice.


End file.
